I went off on my dad for threatening to assault me and it may ruin my life

[beato15]

Today I was helping him move houses and ended up getting in a fight where I regrettably lost control of myself and called him a gay pedophile in front of the neighbors and he kicked me out to my grandmother’s house.

What he said to me under the influence of alcohol was threatening to rape me in “places I never thought of”. I am 19 years old and currently live with him because I said my mom assaulted me at age 10 in my sleep, and he ended up thinking I only made it up because he wants to think she’s still the “sweet girl” he remembers.

I am not at risk of homelessness and will be able to find a source of at least $15 an hour to start saving more money to move out as I only have enough for a security deposit and need to increase my credit score to have a chance at an apartment.

When I called him what I did I told him he just threatened to while drunk, but he took it as me accusing him of molesting me which to be fair was vague and the ‘pedophile’ part was broad enough to seem that way. When I calmed down I told him I couldn’t look at him normally because of what he said, and he took it as me deciding I never wanted to see him again even though I tried telling him I could forgive him if he was able to confront disgusting thoughts that came out of him.

He will be able to spin this all as me being ‘disrespectful’ but I can’t trust people that threaten to rape me. I know nothing good would come to him if he said he would so I have no idea how to get him to say anything past calling me insane for remembering this.

Family members that know think I’ll need to be the one to apologize, but I can’t see it as a manner of swallowing my pride when I vividly remember what he said. At least he hasn’t done anything, but I wish I could have kept my mouth shut.

 

[.aseity]

there are times when you have to make a stand, and there are times for you to swallow pride. i would say the difference is dependent on your intentions and your goals. ordinarily when facing oppression, even such as opressive remarks; you defend yourself. i will not fault you or anyone for defending yourself against oppression. even if your father's statement was out of character, the incentive was for you to obey him. perhaps if he had just asked nicely there would be no complication, but from whatever pit in his gut he spat out those words, and that is the grounds on which you defend yourself against. it isn't appropriate for anyone to speak to you in that way, including your father. if he wants to be upset, so be it. in a chain reaction, your response was proportionate to his initial statement. not an overreaction.

i would say that the exception in the face of oppression is when it serves your best interest or goal, to patiently accept the situation to bid your time for the opportunity you're seeking.

so for example if your interest is the relationship with your father, and that holds more priority or value than personal goals, then it becomes an oversight. we can justify that, it happens everyday between people who love each other...

i would say another example, for biding your time; to move out or whatever the goal is, there are times when we will take hits for the sake of our cause. it still hurts, but not in vain.

i don't want to make assumptions but I'm willing to suggest you're more than aware of how people/anyone can turn on a dime and start to insult you or attack your credibility in defense of their argument. twisting the narrative to gain leverage over you through either the opinions of other's, or our own self esteem.

so my advice is not to let yourself feel bad. don't feel wrong. it's hard advice for even me but don't feel too guilty either. it's alright to have empathy and acknowledge how others feel in what they may be going through, but try not to cross that fine line into overcompensating for others when they make you feel bad. be firm. love your life and don't exhaust time looking over your shoulder. if there is any apology, it can be mutual.