Disclosing Abuse Healing and Finding Freedom Through Disclosure

[usmc97]

Hey Brothers,

My path started way before working with men became my job. I've been working on my own healing for about 25 yrs, and the last 5 or so yrs has brought a new sense of peace in a way. I've been building on a vision for myself to do public speaking even though I'm not the best at it. It's been in the last 10 yrs that I've felt a calling to do it. One of the most awful things as a male survivor was experiencing the loneliness. That I was the only one. Many times I wish I was, because this shit is terrible and none of us men deserved what happened to us. I'm only glad I'm not the only guy in the way that I don't feel the burden alone. It's comforting for me to find others. What I'm hoping is to help other men out there who haven't found the rest of us and are isolated with their pain.

Disclosing... it's still been scary, but I'm doing it with more and more confidence; that what happened to me is not my secret to keep, that it really wasn't my fault, that I don't need to be embarrassed or ashamed... I'm getting emotional writing this... Even though I have those feelings, they don't belong to me. I may always have those feelings, but I'm kind of getting better at "overriding" their hold on me. I do know that I'm not ready to disclose what happened to me in the military... but the other stuff as a kid? It's just time.

I've facilitated a couple of trainings. I've facilitated groups. I've done a podcast. I've done 1in6, and now I'm about 100% sure I'll be disclosing to everyone on my Facebook on my Bday next Wed. Those in my family that haven't seemed to care much about my life, and others who at some point in my life we were real friends, close enough that I didn't want to lose contact with them. I just seem to feel like letting it out; telling all. Statistically some of them are survivors themselves. Maybe it will help them?

It's just.... it's just, my little guy inside has suffered enough. He needs to have his story known. He was so close to being another little boy lost, put on a milk carton to never be seen again. He needs to feel significant and that what he went through didn't take away his worth, no matter how hard it is for him to feel different... how hard it is for me as an adult to feel different. I still struggle A TON. I still have my nightmares and flashbacks and intrusive memories and all the other "wonderful gifts" that came from being abused that can completely debilitate me. I'm a male survivor though. You men are my brothers. I appreciate all of you. My little guy appreciates all his friends here too.

With tears in my eyes tonight I'll say... Boys, they're really not our secrets.

 

[Maleelder]

Hey Brothers,

My path started way before working with men became my job. I've been working on my own healing for about 25 yrs, and the last 5 or so yrs has brought a new sense of peace in a way. I've been building on a vision for myself to do public speaking even though I'm not the best at it. It's been in the last 10 yrs that I've felt a calling to do it. One of the most awful things as a male survivor was experiencing the loneliness. That I was the only one. Many times I wish I was, because this shit is terrible and none of us men deserved what happened to us. I'm only glad I'm not the only guy in the way that I don't feel the burden alone. It's comforting for me to find others. What I'm hoping is to help other men out there who haven't found the rest of us and are isolated with their pain.

Disclosing... it's still been scary, but I'm doing it with more and more confidence; that what happened to me is not my secret to keep, that it really wasn't my fault, that I don't need to be embarrassed or ashamed... I'm getting emotional writing this... Even though I have those feelings, they don't belong to me. I may always have those feelings, but I'm kind of getting better at "overriding" their hold on me. I do know that I'm not ready to disclose what happened to me in the military... but the other stuff as a kid? It's just time.

I've facilitated a couple of trainings. I've facilitated groups. I've done a podcast. I've done 1in6, and now I'm about 100% sure I'll be disclosing to everyone on my Facebook on my Bday next Wed. Those in my family that haven't seemed to care much about my life, and others who at some point in my life we were real friends, close enough that I didn't want to lose contact with them. I just seem to feel like letting it out; telling all. Statistically some of them are survivors themselves. Maybe it will help them?

It's just.... it's just, my little guy inside has suffered enough. He needs to have his story known. He was so close to being another little boy lost, put on a milk carton to never be seen again. He needs to feel significant and that what he went through didn't take away his worth, no matter how hard it is for him to feel different... how hard it is for me as an adult to feel different. I still struggle A TON. I still have my nightmares and flashbacks and intrusive memories and all the other "wonderful gifts" that came from being abused that can completely debilitate me. I'm a male survivor though. You men are my brothers. I appreciate all of you. My little guy appreciates all his friends here too.

With tears in my eyes tonight I'll say... Boys, they're really not our secrets.

Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your healing journey and allowing others to heal at the same time. My biggest freedom in this situation is to discuss my most inner feelings with others that have some understanding and learning to accept who I really am. We are all different and that I think we should be proud of as our history does not truly define us but only gives us our lessons in life I am proud of who I am and that is because with all the past history of abuse I am a person who loves and cares for others and feel I am a good person. My inner sexual definition may be different from many but I choose to be free of the torment and ridicule that others may have of me. I know who I am Thank you for your post.

 

[Jack1]

With tears in my eyes tonight I'll say... Boys, they're really not our secrets.

So true! You can't heal what you hide.

 

[GaD3!]

What I'm hoping is to help other men out there who haven't found the rest of us and are isolated with their pain.

This is a very worthwhile desire and goal. You can and will help many even though it may be a bit scary.

I always felt so alone. I was working with an excellent T which helped tremendously but thankfully he was not a survivor. I had never met another survivor or more accurately I suppose it was never a topic that was discussed (I am sure I interacted with other survivors- there are too many of us to not have). That was until one day I spoke with an elderly, blind clergyman. I was struggling. I shared that I was an abuse survivor and there was a moment of silence and he then told me that he had been sexually abused as a child also. He then started talking about what happened to him- they were very "brave" they abused a blind child. He then shared all the struggles and issues of a survivor. I was sitting there thinking Oh my God, he knows, he understands. That was a very powerful experience for me and that short conversation helped me tremendously.

I am sure that your sharing will help others to know that they are not alone in their pain and that there is hope. That is what I felt after that conversation.. I wish you peace and continued healing. Take good care.