Gay, Bi, Confused Straight...?

[Overit]

Hi Everyone,

Really happy to have found this place, so helpful and so many wonderful stories.

My abuse is at and end now after years, it started when I was 11 and finished last year when I was 17, my uncle has been through trial and convicted, pleaded guilty so although I had to go through the police interviews I didn't have to go to court which was a relief.

I was always interested in girls but came to associate all sexual sensations with the abuse, particularly the physical pleasure I would get being penetrated even though in my thoughts I hated it. I would climax every time, often without my penis being touched and he always told me this meant I was a "natural bottom" and meant to please men. He would make me dress in girl underwear and talk to me like I was a girl. It always felt so wrong and dirty but the sexual feelings were really strong and the sensations like nothing I've felt since or before, part of me misses it and wishes I could feel that again but I really want to try it with girls.

I guess what I'm asking is, did those experiences make be bi or gay???

 

[dez86]

From what I’ve read in other posts, your body’s reaction during assault doesn’t define your sexuality. It’s a natural physiological response—your body doing what it’s wired to do under certain stimulation. That doesn’t mean you wanted it, and it definitely doesn’t mean you liked it. Others in this community may be able to explain it better, but please know: your response does not define who you are.

As for figuring out your sexuality—only you can truly know that. I’ve known I liked boys from a very young age. But I was unsure for a long time, so I tried being with a woman. Physically, yes, it felt good, and I was able to finish—but I realized that I had to think about a man to get there. That’s when I knew I was gay.

If you’ve never been with another man besides your assaulter, that doesn’t automatically mean you’re attracted to men. That was not a consensual experience, and it shouldn't be counted as a reflection of your orientation.

If you're curious about being with a woman, it’s okay to explore that. You might not enjoy it—or you might. Either way, it’s valid.

Also, a quick note because I know this confuses a lot of people (and society loves to shame it): there are straight men who enjoy anal play. It doesn't make someone gay. The prostate is a very sensitive area—it’s sometimes called the male G-spot. Stimulating it can cause intense pleasure, even ejaculation, without touching yourself. That’s likely why you experienced what you did during the assault, and again, that does not mean you wanted it.

I’m new here too, still trying to heal. But I wanted to share my experience in case it helps you feel even a little less alone. You’re not broken. You’re not confused. You’re a human being trying to understand yourself—and that’s something you have every right to do, on your own terms.

 

[dcwofhs90]

I’m a firm believer in that a person is born whatever way they are. I strongly disagree with the notion that something that happened (or even maybe something that didn’t happen) somehow “makes” someone gay.

While our experiences weren’t exactly the same, a couple things caught my eye; our abuse began and ended basically at the same age… and you mentioned that you enjoyed the sexual feelings and sensations from being penetrated. Honestly, I couldn’t have said it better; the feelings and sensations were indescribable.

As far as whether you’re gay, straight, or perhaps somewhere in between…only you can answer that.

DM me if you’re comfortable, we might be able to help each other through our similar experiences. Hope to talk to you soon…

 

[GaD3!]

Our bodies are designed to respond to sexual stimulation. This is the case for males and females. Women can lubricate and orgasm during rape situations and of course we all know that we can become erect and orgasm due to our penises being stimulated during the abuse or as in your abuse, anal stimulation. It does not mean we liked what was taking place or that we wanted it. Those words almost make me cringe- I was so often told that I wanted it and liked it. During much of my abuse I was forced to perform sexual acts and was stimulated before to prep me and during the acts- it makes one less able to resist when one is experiencing sexual pleasure consensual or not. I often experienced orgasms.

That you would want to experience those feelings again, makes sense. Your brain remembers the pleasure of arousal, the stimulation and orgasm. It does not judge how that all took place, but just sees the sexual part of it. I hope that makes sense, as a therapist once told me-"the brain just sees it all as sex, not good sex or bad sex, just sex".

Just because you experienced orgasm from the anal stimulation during your abuse does not mean you are gay or bi, that you experienced orgasm during anal sexual activity was not something you had control over.

You do not mention therapy, If you are not working with a therapist I would highly that you seek out the help of a therapist trained in dealing with sexual abuse and trauma issues. Sexual abuse causes deep wounds and they do not disappear over time. For many of us we did not start dealing with our abuse until much later in life, the sooner the better. Please take care.

 

[GaD3!]

From what I’ve read in other posts, your body’s reaction during assault doesn’t define your sexuality. It’s a natural physiological response—your body doing what it’s wired to do under certain stimulation. That doesn’t mean you wanted it, and it definitely doesn’t mean you liked it. Others in this community may be able to explain it better, but please know: your response does not define who you are.

As for figuring out your sexuality—only you can truly know that. I’ve known I liked boys from a very young age. But I was unsure for a long time, so I tried being with a woman. Physically, yes, it felt good, and I was able to finish—but I realized that I had to think about a man to get there. That’s when I knew I was gay.

If you’ve never been with another man besides your assaulter, that doesn’t automatically mean you’re attracted to men. That was not a consensual experience, and it shouldn't be counted as a reflection of your orientation.

If you're curious about being with a woman, it’s okay to explore that. You might not enjoy it—or you might. Either way, it’s valid.

Also, a quick note because I know this confuses a lot of people (and society loves to shame it): there are straight men who enjoy anal play. It doesn't make someone gay. The prostate is a very sensitive area—it’s sometimes called the male G-spot. Stimulating it can cause intense pleasure, even ejaculation, without touching yourself. That’s likely why you experienced what you did during the assault, and again, that does not mean you wanted it.

I’m new here too, still trying to heal. But I wanted to share my experience in case it helps you feel even a little less alone. You’re not broken. You’re not confused. You’re a human being trying to understand yourself—and that’s something you have every right to do, on your own terms.

A very informative reply!

 

[Overit]

Guys thanks for all the really kind and informative replies means a lot. I probably should have mentioned that the very first orgasm and ejaculation I ever experienced were when he was inside me, I didn't even know that there was another way to cum until I was about 13 - I had never masturbated until them so I guess my brain got wired to associate orgasm with being penetrated or something. Thinking back I would sometimes think about girls I liked when getting those pleasurable feelings but most of the time I was just so focussed on the sensation, I've been so desperate to recreate it but I don't want to do anything with another guy and so I've tried a dildo but I'm afraid a girl will think it's really weird if I want her to use one on me.

 

[Lone Survivor]

To be honest most of my life, it was drummed in to my head I was straight and my late brother was also straight. It really wasn't until he died that I realized that the way he reacted to when I was naked, and some old almost forgotten memories. That he was gay, forced CSA by our own mother. But me, I was always uncertain. Until I started to watch "Naked Attraction" on streaming mainly curious. That was when I realized I was gay. That gay group on Reddit really helped me understand. When your an older guy who suddenly gay. Dating is a huge problem, being comfortable enough to kiss another guy, or let alone have sex. You just don't feel comfortable. I was told take it slow by a lot of gays.

 

[Hsqmyp]

I don’t think it’s clear one way or the other.

 

[Amie303]

Hi Everyone,

Really happy to have found this place, so helpful and so many wonderful stories.

My abuse is at and end now after years, it started when I was 11 and finished last year when I was 17, my uncle has been through trial and convicted, pleaded guilty so although I had to go through the police interviews I didn't have to go to court which was a relief.

I was always interested in girls but came to associate all sexual sensations with the abuse, particularly the physical pleasure I would get being penetrated even though in my thoughts I hated it. I would climax every time, often without my penis being touched and he always told me this meant I was a "natural bottom" and meant to please men. He would make me dress in girl underwear and talk to me like I was a girl. It always felt so wrong and dirty but the sexual feelings were really strong and the sensations like nothing I've felt since or before, part of me misses it and wishes I could feel that again but I really want to try it with girls.

I guess what I'm asking is, did those experiences make be bi or gay???

Hi Everyone,

Really happy to have found this place, so helpful and so many wonderful stories.

My abuse is at and end now after years, it started when I was 11 and finished last year when I was 17, my uncle has been through trial and convicted, pleaded guilty so although I had to go through the police interviews I didn't have to go to court which was a relief.

I was always interested in girls but came to associate all sexual sensations with the abuse, particularly the physical pleasure I would get being penetrated even though in my thoughts I hated it. I would climax every time, often without my penis being touched and he always told me this meant I was a "natural bottom" and meant to please men. He would make me dress in girl underwear and talk to me like I was a girl. It always felt so wrong and dirty but the sexual feelings were really strong and the sensations like nothing I've felt since or before, part of me misses it and wishes I could feel that again but I really want to try it with girls.

I guess what I'm asking is, did those experiences make be bi or gay???

I enjoy bottoming because I loved being with women who asked for Anal. The Sex was always good. I wanted my Male Partner to enjoy himself as much as I did with a woman. No politics or power trips with most of my partners. I never felt ashamed. The Sex was Natural between us...