Falling In Love

[diggleszz]

I’m starting to fall in love
with the inner child in me
who fights for justice
and just wants to sing

I’m starting to fall in love
with that old school playhouse
where me and kyrie pretend to be a family

I walk with them and I look at all the cute things they show me
How I wish to hug you and tell you everything will be okay

And I do

I walk down the playground and protect him down the slide

When he shows curiosity or emotion
I praise him
I question him and ask him why he felt so shut in?

I’ve always just wanted a simple life. To be comfortable and happy. I almost had it in Japan.

But that specter was haunting me
a ghost you cannot see
that inflicts danger and pain
on every joy or soft safe place
for I was a man in a patriarchal society
and we all know there’s safety in that
when a woman must bow to serve tea
if she’s the only one in the room
no matter her stature or rank
because she’s simply a woman

And, how, despite the pain they must bear
the women in my life were there
they always treated me gently and kind and I knew
I too
Wanted to be gentle and kind
when I’d lash out and be hurt
they’d understand

So now I walk down that path where we were lost and scared
And we hug and cry and banish our fears

 

[diggleszz]

So, now, I move forward
I know that this shame is not mine.
I know that doing good is just
being myself.

We had it in us all along,
that yellow devil so
described by Rachel Cusk
has been felt in my hands
and dismantled from within;

No, I know, healing is a process.
When there is so much good in this world,
most of it
made not by man.

Much of it made by man as well.

When we feel safe from within;
we can reflect and spread safety
instead of anxiety.

 

[diggleszz]

After dropping 30 pounds and wanting to die over the summer while forcing myself to relive traumas to address them in therapy and become a better person I learned about inner child work

it only was effective after reading books on cptsd and self compassion and my work with my therapist.