Damn you

[dcwofhs90]

Damn you.
I was an innocent boy.
I was as naive as they come.
You took advantage of my curiosity.
You did things to me that no one ever did before.
You made sure I liked what you did.
You made sure I kept coming back for more.
And more.
And more.
And more.
You never told me to keep quiet about it.
I just knew I had to.
Now I'm dealing with what you did to me.
I blamed myself for the longest time.
Now I'm beginning to see through it.
Now I'm beginning to blame just you.
Now I'm beginning to not blame myself.
It's a journey.
It will take time.
I wish you hadn't picked me.
Damn you.

 

[the-part-that-stayed]

It's encouraging to see your progress.

 

[dcwofhs90]

It's encouraging to see your progress.

Thank you. I'm not completely there yet, but I've made a lot of progress lately.

 

[Silly]

It's wild when it seems like somebody plucks the words out of my head. I understand all of what you said.

 

[GaD3!]

Good post. Glad to see that you are seeing and embracing the truth of what took place. Take care.

 

[dcwofhs90]

Good post. Glad to see that you are seeing and embracing the truth of what took place. Take care.

Thank you. I was hoping you'd reply

 

[Trev]

proud of you

 

[dcwofhs90]

proud of you

Thank you @Trev

 

[dcwofhs90]

It's wild when it seems like somebody plucks the words out of my head. I understand all of what you said.

Yes, it is wild when someone else says exactly what you're thinking. It's comforting that others understand what you're going through. {{{Hugs, Silly}}}

 

[smc1972]

That shows you progression quite well.

Now I'm beginning to not blame myself.
It's a journey.
It will take time.

That is the important thing. I am still on the journey and have not reached where you are at but I tell myself I will. But like you said, “it will take time”.

 

[dcwofhs90]

That shows you progression quite well.


That is the important thing. I am still on the journey and have not reached where you are at but I tell myself I will. But like you said, “it will take time”.

Thank you. My breakthrough was when I started thinking about how livid I would be with the adult if one of my grandsons were in such a situation. That's really when my thinking started to turn around. And it's just about all I've been thinking about since.

 

[GaD3!]

Thank you. I was hoping you'd reply

You made me smile.!

 

[LittleSteve]

Thank you. My breakthrough was when I started thinking about how livid I would be with the adult if one of my grandsons were in such a situation. That's really when my thinking started to turn around. And it's just about all I've been thinking about since.

Wonderful, it sounds like you’re really starting to give yourself the grace that you should. And yes, it does get the blood boiling. Doesn’t it thinking about what we endure it happening to a young child that we love.

 

[dcwofhs90]

Wonderful, it sounds like you’re really starting to give yourself the grace that you should. And yes, it does get the blood boiling. Doesn’t it thinking about what we endure it happening to a young child that we love.

Yes, I really worry about my 2nd oldest grandson. He will do pretty much anything anyone says. He's very curious, just as I was at 11 (he's 11 now). He could very easily get caught up in something like what happened to me. That's why I watch his phone location like a hawk! He once licked the floor because someone dared him to do it. Ugh, gross!

 

[LittleSteve]

Yeah, I understand, I have a lot of problems with impulse control and it’s very easy for me to do stuff like that. It’s part of it’s my ADHD and autism, but you don’t have to have that as a child to be easily lead. One of the things. You can do is make sure that you have a relationship with him where he can come and talk to you about anything, be there and make sure he knows that he can turn to you for any questions and you’ll be nonjudgmental. Having a trusted family member that you can talk to might be very important for him.

 

[dcwofhs90]

Yeah, I understand, I have a lot of problems with impulse control and it’s very easy for me to do stuff like that. It’s part of it’s my ADHD and autism, but you don’t have to have that as a child to be easily lead. One of the things. You can do is make sure that you have a relationship with him where he can come and talk to you about anything, be there and make sure he knows that he can turn to you for any questions and you’ll be nonjudgmental. Having a trusted family member that you can talk to might be very important for him.

So the one I'm concerned about most has only been in my life for about a year...he's my step-grandson. But I just consider him my grandson! I've been working on establishing a good bond with him especially over the past 6 months. He's literally a mirror image of me when I was 11 (which is one reason why I'm so protective of him...I was extremely impulsive and would also do anything anyone told me). I look at him and I see myself in 1982-83. I think we've established a good bond, and I hope he would come to me if he needed anything.

 

[LittleSteve]

Personally, I think that’s one of the most important things for a child to have somebody that they feel safe enough that they can come and talk to you when they need to. I know what you mean about being step grandson, my nephew, married a gal who had a young child And we accepted him as his child and was completely dumbfounded that her family thought that was so unusual that we could just accept him as my nephews child. I thought the way they felt was extremely unusual. It’s like how can you not take care of a child and changed them and feed them and love them and do all the things to care for them and feel like you know they belong.

You don’t have to have a Blood relationship with a child. Take care about them love them and want to see the best things happen for them. In fact, I think people make too much of that.

 

[dcwofhs90]

You don’t have to have a Blood relationship with a child.

Since I adopted my son (in 2004; he's 30 now), I don't have a blood relationship with any of my family! From that adoption, I now have a grandson, an (almost) daughter-in-law, and three step-grandkids. I love them all so very much! The kids like coming over to my house often, and I love it when they're here.

 

[GaD3!]

Since I adopted my son (in 2004; he's 30 now), I don't have a blood relationship with any of my family! From that adoption, I now have a grandson, an (almost) daughter-in-law, and three step-grandkids. I love them all so very much! The kids like coming over to my house often, and I love it when they're here.

That's wonderful. A step grandpa can love just as much as one who is related by blood. The love you show them is something they will treasure for the rest of their lives.

 

[dcwofhs90]

That's wonderful. A step grandpa can love just as much as one who is related by blood. The love you show them is something they will treasure for the rest of their lives.

Absolutely! Thank you