Abuse maybe
tgslair
Registrant
The trauma bond develops because abuse often happens in a cycle of harm and relief, where periods of fear, pain, or humiliation are followed by moments of kindness, apology, or/ and affection. For me it created intermittent reinforcement, which conditioned my brain to associate the abuser with both danger and safety. Love and fear. Over time, this caused me to feel loyalty, affection, and even dependence towards the men who hurt me — I did not know the abuse was wrong. It seemed rooted in survival mechanism. If the “dad” sometimes provided comfort, protection, or prizes, my nervous system clung to those moments as a lifeline. It was better then home. I felt that I “needed” the “dad,” leaving was impossible, dangerous, and unthinkable. What I would learn much later … the cruel twist: the brain doesn’t distinguish “safe touch” from “dangerous touch” when releasing oxytocin. Even during the assault, oxytocin can surge, which can create feelings of connection or attachment to the abuser despite the trauma. This is why trauma bonds are sometimes called “betrayal bonds” — the body’s bonding chemistry is being hijacked in an unsafe context. To make it worse the ongoing abuse keeps cortisol (the stress hormone) elevated for long periods. Chronically high cortisol changes how the hippocampus (memory and context center) works — making it harder to clearly recall events or see patterns of harm. So I felt mentally foggy and doubted my own perceptions, which increases dependency on an altered version of reality. It is sad that the same chemicals that normally create love, trust, and connection were being exploited in a dangerous context. Probably why it is hard to love again.
