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- Thread starterkuurt
- Start date
roadrunner
Registrant
Kurt,
I think a lot of what you are feeling is typical of survivors who are just beginning in recovery. As you allow yourself to begin to really face what happened, it is all so overwhelming. Things are hitting you from every side, and there doesn't seem to be any answer. It's a whirlwind of pain, as you say; it all hurts so bad and it won't stop.
I remember the feeling that I needed to keep washing myself, but of course that is just the feeling of being so polluted by what has happened.
I also remember wishing it would all just go away, but unfortunately bro that isn't the way it works. I recall you saying a few days ago that you wish you hadn't opened this can of worms, but my answer here would be hey, it was already open and that's why you came here.
I know it's so hard Kurt. In fact it will probably be the hardest thing you have ever done. But you are getting a good start! And without wasting years of your life in denial, alcohol, drugs, or whatever. You HAVE made the right decision.
There is so much to be said to you, but here let me just assure you that for right now the most important thing is to keep talking. Whatever it is, say it! Whatever you feel, let it out! A lot of our feelings about the abuse are not accurate, but they ARE our feelings and we need to talk about them. It's a way of saying hey, my hurt is important, and I am important too. Please talk to me and help me.
Everyone here has been there bro...EVERYONE. You aren't a lost cause, and we will all be here to help you along.
Much love,
Larry
I think a lot of what you are feeling is typical of survivors who are just beginning in recovery. As you allow yourself to begin to really face what happened, it is all so overwhelming. Things are hitting you from every side, and there doesn't seem to be any answer. It's a whirlwind of pain, as you say; it all hurts so bad and it won't stop.
I remember the feeling that I needed to keep washing myself, but of course that is just the feeling of being so polluted by what has happened.
I also remember wishing it would all just go away, but unfortunately bro that isn't the way it works. I recall you saying a few days ago that you wish you hadn't opened this can of worms, but my answer here would be hey, it was already open and that's why you came here.
I know it's so hard Kurt. In fact it will probably be the hardest thing you have ever done. But you are getting a good start! And without wasting years of your life in denial, alcohol, drugs, or whatever. You HAVE made the right decision.
There is so much to be said to you, but here let me just assure you that for right now the most important thing is to keep talking. Whatever it is, say it! Whatever you feel, let it out! A lot of our feelings about the abuse are not accurate, but they ARE our feelings and we need to talk about them. It's a way of saying hey, my hurt is important, and I am important too. Please talk to me and help me.
Everyone here has been there bro...EVERYONE. You aren't a lost cause, and we will all be here to help you along.
Much love,
Larry
Steven Heath
Registrant
Kuurt,
Scrubbing doesn't work....cleansing does...if that doesn't sound too airy fairy.
Sorry for your pain...I still feel it a lot too.
Try to take your time and be aware of "the right now" and not the big picture of complete recovery...it is overwhelming and can help bring on those feelings of helplessness....I have learned over the years that there are beautiful moments to be enjoyed....if we can just shake the shit moments for a few minutes or hours and try to focus on those blissful moments. It does work....I hope this helps a little.
S H
Scrubbing doesn't work....cleansing does...if that doesn't sound too airy fairy.
Sorry for your pain...I still feel it a lot too.
Try to take your time and be aware of "the right now" and not the big picture of complete recovery...it is overwhelming and can help bring on those feelings of helplessness....I have learned over the years that there are beautiful moments to be enjoyed....if we can just shake the shit moments for a few minutes or hours and try to focus on those blissful moments. It does work....I hope this helps a little.
S H
reality2k4
Registrant
Kuurt,
washing it away does not work, your body is clean now,and it is the big guilt thing where you are blaming yourself for something HE did, and it was never your fault.
I used to lock myself in the bathroom crying to myself and thinking how can I wash it all away.
Talking about inner fears is one way of washing it away, bit by bit.
Dont be alone with your fears, share them.
That is what this place is for, and nobody can see you, but they will listen, and they will care,
ste
washing it away does not work, your body is clean now,and it is the big guilt thing where you are blaming yourself for something HE did, and it was never your fault.
I used to lock myself in the bathroom crying to myself and thinking how can I wash it all away.
Talking about inner fears is one way of washing it away, bit by bit.
Dont be alone with your fears, share them.
That is what this place is for, and nobody can see you, but they will listen, and they will care,
ste
The Seeker
Registrant
Kurt,
It is okay to feel bad about the abuse. We all know it hurts, and my instincts were to swallow the pain and block it out. But when you block out the pain, you block out joy and happiness too. When you feel it, you can learn to let it go. It takes time, and yes it is hard. I am sure all of here wish we could take that all away, and feel bad that we simply can't. You can do it though. It is easy to feel worn out. Take little steps when you need to, but keep moving as it can and does get better over time. You are not dirty, even if you feel that way sometimes. For me, shame was terrible, and the source of most of my pain. You can let it go. We will be rooting for you because we care.
Good luck and hang in there.
John
It is okay to feel bad about the abuse. We all know it hurts, and my instincts were to swallow the pain and block it out. But when you block out the pain, you block out joy and happiness too. When you feel it, you can learn to let it go. It takes time, and yes it is hard. I am sure all of here wish we could take that all away, and feel bad that we simply can't. You can do it though. It is easy to feel worn out. Take little steps when you need to, but keep moving as it can and does get better over time. You are not dirty, even if you feel that way sometimes. For me, shame was terrible, and the source of most of my pain. You can let it go. We will be rooting for you because we care.
Good luck and hang in there.
John
Steven Heath
Registrant
kuurt,
i keep reading this...and identifying with it....you are SO not alone....there a many shoulders to cry on here....and many to lean on.....mine is one
S H
i keep reading this...and identifying with it....you are SO not alone....there a many shoulders to cry on here....and many to lean on.....mine is one
S H
michael Joseph
Registrant
kuurt,
hugs young man!!!
thanks for what you wrote,
I want you to know I care,
and understand how you feel.
be gentle with yourself ok
Michael Joseph
hugs young man!!!
thanks for what you wrote,
I want you to know I care,
and understand how you feel.
be gentle with yourself ok
Michael Joseph
reality2k4
Registrant
(((Kurt)))
The guys in this place will get you through.
You deserve it.
So much you deserve to find yourself.
Hang in there,
ste
The guys in this place will get you through.
You deserve it.
So much you deserve to find yourself.
Hang in there,
ste
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