You're going to think I'm crazy
I may very well be crazy but I have to get this out of me somehow because if I tell this to my psychiatrist he will just up my dosage and refuse address the situation at all. I've been through this with him before. Well, for starters I spent my pre-pubescent years being sexually abused by my mother and once by my grandfather. No penetration just groping and being given showers as a punishment for bad behavior. I told the police when I was eighteen and they believed my mother's side of the story and I was hospitalized and diagnosed with a psychotic disorder.
Now in my thirties I feel like people have been trying to re-victimize me every waking moment of my entire adult life. When I was 21 I checked into a homeless shelter and never went back because some guy grabbed my crotch, exposed himself to me and told me to "suck his d***." Luckily I was able to get out of there before he was able to touch me with it.
After that I put myself in the hospital and some guy I didn't get along with pulled it out in front of me one day and waved it at me angrily. I told one of the therapists and they ignored me.
Nothing quite as bad happened to me afterwards. Yet, years later I found a job as a mail clerk for a publishing company. Things were normal for the first two years but then for some reason guys started doing things around me and to me which I feel is some kind of borderline sexual contact or at least something emasculating and triggers all sorts of bad memories and feelings in me.
When I talk to men a lot of the time I can't seem to finish a statement without them grabbing their junk. As if saying this is what I think of you/what you have to say. Or if they hand me something first they put it against their crotch before giving it to me. Or when I'm walking guys try to walk into me with their junk when there was plenty and I mean plenty of room or them not to need to bump into me. Another thing they do is ask me a question and insist on me answering it as they pull their pants up for their waist or even start rubbing themselves down there through their pants.
A few weeks ago I invited my neighbor out for a drink. I don't know why I kept going there but he has this filthy habit of grabbing his balls when he talks to me and then he touches me with the same hand and turns anything I tell him into some sort of joke about his penis. Mind you it's not only him, guys do this all the time to me especially before giving me a handshake or any other physical contact. Anyhow he told me he liked my coat and asked me "is it a pea-coat?" and I replied yes then he grabs my sleeve with one hand and his crotch with the other and asks me "can I pee on it?" I left his apartment and didn't go outside or shower for three days after that.
I remember once a few months ago a girl there asked me if I could get her some empty boxes. I was reaching for the box and then the macho a-hole from facilities who shares the mail room with us told me to stand aside and he grabs the boxes touches the, with his crotch with the and hands them to me in front of the girl.
I know. I'm overly sensitive and very paranoid. But I just wish I could live my life with out this shit happening to me. I've never done something like that in my life to anyone so you're God damned right I don't want anyone doing that to me. A day hasn't gone by in years where I haven't felt like I was being traumatized.
Now in my thirties I feel like people have been trying to re-victimize me every waking moment of my entire adult life. When I was 21 I checked into a homeless shelter and never went back because some guy grabbed my crotch, exposed himself to me and told me to "suck his d***." Luckily I was able to get out of there before he was able to touch me with it.
After that I put myself in the hospital and some guy I didn't get along with pulled it out in front of me one day and waved it at me angrily. I told one of the therapists and they ignored me.
Nothing quite as bad happened to me afterwards. Yet, years later I found a job as a mail clerk for a publishing company. Things were normal for the first two years but then for some reason guys started doing things around me and to me which I feel is some kind of borderline sexual contact or at least something emasculating and triggers all sorts of bad memories and feelings in me.
When I talk to men a lot of the time I can't seem to finish a statement without them grabbing their junk. As if saying this is what I think of you/what you have to say. Or if they hand me something first they put it against their crotch before giving it to me. Or when I'm walking guys try to walk into me with their junk when there was plenty and I mean plenty of room or them not to need to bump into me. Another thing they do is ask me a question and insist on me answering it as they pull their pants up for their waist or even start rubbing themselves down there through their pants.
A few weeks ago I invited my neighbor out for a drink. I don't know why I kept going there but he has this filthy habit of grabbing his balls when he talks to me and then he touches me with the same hand and turns anything I tell him into some sort of joke about his penis. Mind you it's not only him, guys do this all the time to me especially before giving me a handshake or any other physical contact. Anyhow he told me he liked my coat and asked me "is it a pea-coat?" and I replied yes then he grabs my sleeve with one hand and his crotch with the other and asks me "can I pee on it?" I left his apartment and didn't go outside or shower for three days after that.
I remember once a few months ago a girl there asked me if I could get her some empty boxes. I was reaching for the box and then the macho a-hole from facilities who shares the mail room with us told me to stand aside and he grabs the boxes touches the, with his crotch with the and hands them to me in front of the girl.
I know. I'm overly sensitive and very paranoid. But I just wish I could live my life with out this shit happening to me. I've never done something like that in my life to anyone so you're God damned right I don't want anyone doing that to me. A day hasn't gone by in years where I haven't felt like I was being traumatized.
