Your Thoughts on Recovery

Your Thoughts on Recovery
M

Muldoon

Registrant
Guys I could use some in put on the Topic of what Recovery IS and what it means to you. I will be giving a short talk at a special mass on Sunday May 23. [ announsment below. ]
We are trying to let victims know that they are not alone and the Voices of the Faithful are there to help..

I could use your ideas thanks . I will not use any of your names. Thanks.Tom


Prayers for Healing

There will be special prayers for all those affected by the clergy sexual abuse crisis in the Catholic Church during 10:00 am Mass at St. Stanislaus Church , 624 E 4th St, Winona, on Sunday, May 23rd.

The service will recognize the suffering of past victims, still unknown victims in our midst, the taint on the reputations of all the good priests who serve, the struggle of Church leaders to do the right thing, and all the faithful whose faith has been affected.

There will also be a reception in the church hall after the service with more information about the crisis and the opportunity to speak with survivors and victims advocates.
 
Recovery to means:

1. The past no longer influences the future or the present.

2. It means that I have regained my self respect and sense of worth.

3. It means that I have forgiven myself for my coping skills that pounded me further into the hell of worthlessness.

4. It means that I look forward to every day as a new beginning and that I will enjoy it to the fullest.

5. Finally it means that I have an inner peace and that I am not afraid to reach out and help, knowing that it is not always possible to do so.

Hope this helps and once again thankyou for the swift kick in the ass you gave me.
 
Borrowing from the SIA literature
I will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle me.
Click to expand...
 
Tom - what recovery means to me

1. That for the first time ever on this site I can tell you that my real name is Eric - Rik is a 'nick name' attributed to me quite a while ago at one of the jobs I worked at.

2. You can tell the congregation that a MAN called ERIC allowed you to personally know his real name before anyone else on this site (although others may read it first) because he is finally starting to identify with who that man is after 34 years of not knowing! Eric appreciates the work that Tom is doing and that is why I have given you the privilege of knowing my real name.

3. Eric knows that recovery is not easy, but it is such a release to know that he is not mad after all these years - to know that madness was the act done to him.

4. Eric knows that trusting people no matter how hard that may be, is the road to recovery.

5. Recovery means expecting to be hurt again at any time from any direction, but knowing that I now have some of the tools to defend myself against that hurt.

6. Recovery means that I know there are more good caring people out there than I ever previously believed.

7. Recovery means that I am on the road to winning.

Best wishes Tom, from Rik/Eric
 
Some additional things it means to me:

1. The past is no longer a wound, but a healed thing...eventually it may disappear like a few of the scars on my skin have done. Imagine forgetting like one forgets so many things!

2. My self respect is no longer even an issue. I simply know I'm OK.

3. The fear of other people has turned to compassion. I've realized that abuse is endemic, and that just about everyone I know has had to recover in some way. We all end up losing our innocence. So I find I'm really not as different as I thought I was.

4. Instead of fearing people, I find I generally like them. And if I'm kind to them, it seems they generally like me back. I thought it was so hard to get along, and I've found that all people really seem to need is generosity of spirit. A smile and a genuine "how are you?" work wonders.

Danny
 
Tom
recovery ? it's being myself, after many years of being 'theirs'.

Tell it like it is on Sunday Tom.

Dave
 
Tom,

Recovery for me is:

1) No longer keeping the silence that I had kept for 38 years about the abuse.

2) Grieving the loss of my innocence and childhood so that I could move forward.

3) Realizing that the past is immutable, there is nothing that I could ever do to change the past. It is a part of me but it doesn't rule my life any longer.

4) Liking myself just the way I am, warts and all. I am the sum total of all that I have experienced in life; good, bad and indifferent. I can't pick and choose what to incorporate into my life.

5) Living my life in the moment and enjoying it.

Tom, you are doing a great service to the community. Education is the only way for people to know that we survivors exist; we were hurt but we can heal and we are everywhere. One boy in six......and I thought that I was the only one for so many years.

Steve
 
Tom,
Recovery to me has been learning to be the man I would have been should the abuse had not happened. Learning to trust. Learning to love. Learning to live.

James
 
recovery is a process of forgiving yourself and releasing the anger, guilt and shame that comes from being abused and neglected.

recovered would be a point where i am happy deep inside with who and what i am, a point when i would deal with my life at face value, without distortions that hide pain and regret. It would be a point where those in my life are there for healthy, good reasons, and where i chose how i acted and with who.

boy, i feel so close to where i want to be. i feel i have stripped away the old me, and am in the process of finding a balance and defining who the new me is going to be.

i dont believe i will ever not be a survivor, but i can be healthy. that is what i want and work for every day.
 
I want to add two things.

Recovery, for me, entails rebuilding the self-confidence that the abuse dismantled. Self-confidence or, rather, a lack of it has been part of every life decision that I have made over the years. The lack of it has had an extreme impact, I see now, on my life and how I have felt about it.

I've grown uncomfortable with using the word, 'forgiveness,' in reference to myself and what happened. I feel now that there is nothing to forgive myself for. In the sense that it is about getting past the feelings of shame and guilt, I kind of understand it. But, I see the shame and guilt as something imposed upon me by the abuse. In that sense, shame and guilt are inaccurate feelings. Once I realize that, I can shed them and get on with my life.

I hold the people who abused me responsible for what happened. After years of therapy, some of it not very well focused, I no longer blame them or hate them. For me, that has been a big step towards moving on in my life--in a sense, re-creating it.
 
Tom, I am not in a real good mood tonight. so for me, recovery is years of expensive therapy, and terribly hard work, to try to have the tinest bit of hope that the day may come when I will not feel so broken, so ruined, so inferior as a man, all the time knowing that I will never feel whole and well completely. The struggle is worth it, eventually, but it is pathetic that so few people understand how deep the wounds are to boys, or who think that for a boy it is no where near as bad as for a girl, "because you know how boys are!" The worst pain for me as adult is that there are always people who think that in some way we boys got some pleasure out of it. Would people who feel that way think it would not be so bad for their son, brother, nephew to be sexually abused? I think some might actually think it would not be so bad that it would ruin his life. Yikes!

Bob
 
I'm starting to think that Recovery is a gift. Maybe the greatest gift.

It's a gift that you can only give yourself. It's the opportunity to be fully realized; an actualized person; your real self.

Not many people ever have a chance like this. Maybe it's just that they never recognize it, or even the need for it.

We all, every single one, needs healing. At some point, in some way, for some reason, everybody hurts sometimes.

Recovery is integration. It is making yourself whole, again. It is learning the difference between Wishing and Hope. And with Hope, there is Faith, and that alone is a treasure.

Recovery is becoming more human; more unique and more universal at the same time. Recovery is confidence in your own being.

"Gnothi se auton", Know Thyself. And I will add, Love Thyself, and Be Thyself.

Recovery is acceptance and tolerance. It starts with yourself, but it doesn't end there.

Recovery is growth. It is seeing everything as as it is, or beginning to. It is seeing differences as needed and wanted, even desirable.

Recovery is re-connecting to yourself bit by bit, and inch by inch. It is being released from and letting go of the Dark Side and taking a stand against it in every way, shape and form.

Recovery is a challenge greater than climbing Everest or diving the Mariana, but it could lead
you to either place.
 
Thanks everyone I use most everything you guys wrote for my talk at ST. Stan's this weekend. After i told my story I talk about that which was stolen from us and then Recovery. Couldn't of done it without your help. Tom
 
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