You will hate me for this. (TRIGGERS)

You will hate me for this. (TRIGGERS)
C

camron

Registrant
I just wanted to say hello to everyone, but by the time you have finished reading this (if you can be bothered to read this) You will absolutely hate me.
Why? because I did disgusting things.
Its not going to help procrastinating so ill just say it. Im a whore. and thats putting it mildly. when I was 16 I used to go around gay bars and for 50 id let anyone have me why? cause I needed the money. I couldnt get anyother job, at the start I had no home and no money, because my father kicked me out, I bet your all thinking ' oh no hes trying to make us feel sorry for him' Im not please dont think that im just telling you somthing that you dont have to listen to okies?
But yeah that was the only thing I could think of doing, I have few qualifications (unless a grade A in drama counts)so how could I get a job?
but im not on here to write about that I just thought you shouldd know that about me before you spoke to me.

I mean I the reason im on here is because like many i have been raped. I bet your thinking that doesnt matter given my past work. but it does to me, it shouldn't really should it? I mean im the village bycicle everyones had a ride on me. this is not easy to type out, it was so much easier in my head.

I dont know why but it made me feel so bad, I feel so slimy and good for nothing, worse than when i used to sell myself, I dont know why its one thing selling yourself its another thing being forced isnt it? It makes me want to cry.I know that I kind of deserve it it was just waiting to happen,Its not fair I have no one to tell this, except this board, which I ill keep doing even if no one replys Ill just keep talking to myself.I bet your wonderig how I got myhands on a computer when I said I had no money. well thats easy I moved in with an older friend of mine when I was 18, hes so nice, just not his friends, we went to a chirstmas party at a club and a group of people just grabbed me pinned me down and raped me in a corner, no one evn noticed, and if they did they didnt care, I suppose thats what I get for being a whore.
Im really sorry if ive angred or upset anyone on this borad, i just needed somewhere to vent, and tell my story, so im sorry.
 
camron,
first off, i do not hate you. what you did to survive is exactly that, what you did to survive. it does not characterize who you are as a human being. i have also made choices that i am not proud of, and many of those choices had nothing to do with my survival, or as a result of the abuse i suffered as a child. i understand why you feel as though you should be hated, but you will not find that here.

the second thing is about the rape. you were violated in a horrible way. the fact that there were witnesses who did nothing only made the event far worse because it reinforced the idea that you felt you either deserved it, or that you did not deserve any intervention or help. both of those are lies. you did and do deserve help, and you are definitely worthy of this brotherhood.

my personal history is different from yours, as are each of our journeys here on the site. the common bond is our willingness to reach out to each other and share that journey. camron, pm me, i am here. we are brothers in what we have both experienced, and we stand together. you are no longer alone, i promise.
 
Thanks you theo, Its good to know I have someones support. Its hard to know what to do, I have no idea how to geto ver it, it plauges me all the time.
 
Camron,

Welcome, my brother. I think a lot of us come here feeling very dirty. So you have company!

What you did to survive, you did to survive. I GUARANTEE you that NOBODY here will judge you for it.

And as for the rape, there is no excuse for it, period! You are not at fault in anyway.

You are more than welcome here. You're now with a band of brothers who will always be here for you.

PM me if you ever need someone to talk to you privately. But I can assure you that you have come to a very safe place.

Peace, my brother!

Marc
 
camron,
i wont lie, it hurts like a "insert choice of expletive here", and it does not get easier in the immediate steps of recovery, but it does eventually even out. what you do is what you have started right here, reaching out. sharing the journey helps us to carry through when we cannot do it alone. that is the whole point of this place called ms.org, none of us are alone anymore. what you did tonight was the first step in a long journey that will have its triumphs and its setbacks...but we are here to share it with you, camron. take care.
 
I do not hate you. I do not hate anyone.

It seem crazy. Just because things you done before, that does not mean that you can not have someone abuse you. The two things, they do not have anything to do with the other. You were abused, it is true. You are welcome here, I hope you find help here.

Andrei
 
Camron,

I don't hate you either, thats far from what i feel. I admire you for your courage to begin to talk about what you have experienced. Listen to the rest of the guys here they speak the truth.

I was in much the same situation at one time, homeless, alone, no prospects and did the same thing you did. Not a happy time in my life. I do understand how you can be so desperate as to turn to prostitution.

And no that does not mean you deserved to be raped. Does one deserve to be abused because they've had some rough times in their life and did what they could to survive? NO!

You do deserve some much more.

Not to hold myself up as a shining example, but since my time on the street I've gone to college, gotten skills and a degree, started to deal with the pain of my past and the behaviours it brought about. Life is still hard but much more hopeful.

You have made a brave step in starting to talk and your life will be a bit better for it. This road of recovery is best traveled in little steps, you can take a while, look around and decide what you next step will be.

Welcome and its a pleasure to meet you.

Peace,

Aaron
 
Sorry to disappoint you Camron, but you will fit right in here ;)

Take a look at this post from one of the other brothers, and pay close attention to the last few lines at the end of the letter.

Mike Church post- Another go at the government

Mike is the man, you can learn a lot from him.
 
I do not hate you. You did what you thought you had to do. When you sold your body, you had a choice. Rapists do no tgive you a choice. They take what they need, ignoring you, even failing to acknowledge that you are a person.

Welcome here, my brother. I hope we can help you with whatever you need. We are always here for you. We will not look down on you for your past. Hell, we all have things in our past we regret. That is just a part of life!
Casey
 
I do not hate you. You did what you thought you had to do. When you sold your body, you had a choice. Rapists do no tgive you a choice. They take what they need, ignoring you, even failing to acknowledge that you are a person.

Welcome here, my brother. I hope we can help you with whatever you need. We are always here for you. We will not look down on you for your past. Hell, we all have things in our past we regret. That is just a part of life!
Casey
 
Some of the greatest saints in the world started out as whores. God didn't hate them. I don't hate you. Hang in there, friend!

Philip
 
I'm a whore too or as we say in the UK if I was female I would be classed as a bike.

I know its not a nice feeling but that much is fact. I would sleep with anyone if they were offering money, a bed, a bath, something to eat, and occasionally money but my maxim was buy me a drink and you can do anything you like. I was raped twice that I remember when I was fourteen and very, very drunk. I apologize to any females that may read this.

Stay close to this room you will learn a lot.

Regards
Archnut
"And all that was left was hope"

My Story (Triggers)
https://www.waltonhop.blogspot.com
 
In that case I'm a whore too.

In the UK I would politely be known as a bike if I was female. Apologizes to any female that reads this.

Circumstances led me to sleep with anyone of either sex for a bed, a bath, something to eat and occasionally money. But my main maxim was "Buy me a drink and you can do anything you like to me". I was raped twice at the age of fourteen when I was very, very drunk.

Stay close to this room you will learn a lot like I have.

regards
Archnut
"And all that was left was hope"

My Story (Triggers)
https://www.waltonhop.blogspot.com
 
In that case I am a whore also or as I would be known in the UK as a bike if I was fenale. I apologize to any females that may read this.

I was homeless, I had big problems at home with my parents apprently I was emotionally starved as a youngster and saw myself as a waste of space.

I would sleep with anyone of either sex for a bed, for a bath, something to eat and If they got me drunk they could do anything they liked.
I was raped twice whilst very very drunk. I was fourteen years of age. I was still exchenging my body for booze at the age of thirty five plus.

Sorry to disappoint you. But look on the bright side you have someone who can identify with you all the way down the line.

Sorry you had to find this place but I'm pleased that you have, stay close and ask lots of questions, believe me it helps.

Regards
Archnut
"And all that was left was hope"

My Story (Triggers)
https://www.waltonhop.blogspot.com
 
Dear Camron,
please feel most welcomed here.

I am not sure how old are you right now but I would suggest you some practical things:
-if you still don't have, find any kind of a job;
-financial independence is very important, especially if you don't have support from your parents;
-it would be hard and you'll probably receive much less money in comparison to your work on street but you'll feel much more better;
-I am aware that you didn't have guidance for a lot of things, but you have to get some practical working skills; save money and spend it on your better education level;
-on this way you'll improve your overall long term perspective;

And for your terrible rape experience:
-I wonder how come that your friend didn't protect you?
-most of people are sometimes very selfish; some of them will always treat you like you are trash and they would try to use you for their egoistic reasons, especially if they know your past; the truth is that they are sick weakling bastards;
-if you decide to go again on parties and clubs that would possible be dangerous always go with your friends that will be there for you and don't get totally drunk;

-the most important of all is that you need to respect yourself, push your head up and keep in mind that you are not worse by any chance than other people;
 
In that case I am a whore also or as I would be known in the UK as a bike if I was fenale. I apologize to any females that may read this.

I was homeless, I had big problems at home with my parents apprently I was emotionally starved as a youngster and saw myself as a waste of space.

I would sleep with anyone of either sex for a bed, for a bath, something to eat and If they got me drunk they could do anything they liked.
I was raped twice whilst very very drunk. I was fourteen years of age. I was still exchenging my body for booze at the age of thirty five plus.

Sorry to disappoint you. But look on the bright side you have someone who can identify with you all the way down the line.

Sorry you had to find this place but I'm pleased that you have, stay close and ask lots of questions, believe me it helps.

Regards
Archnut
"And all that was left was hope"

My Story (Triggers)
https://www.waltonhop.blogspot.com
 
In that case I am a whore also or as I would be known in the UK as a bike if I was fenale. I apologize to any females that may read this.

I was homeless, I had big problems at home with my parents apprently I was emotionally starved as a youngster and saw myself as a waste of space.

I would sleep with anyone of either sex for a bed, for a bath, something to eat and If they got me drunk they could do anything they liked.
I was raped twice whilst very very drunk. I was fourteen years of age. I was still exchenging my body for booze at the age of thirty five plus.

Sorry to disappoint you. But look on the bright side you have someone who can identify with you all the way down the line.

Sorry you had to find this place but I'm pleased that you have, stay close and ask lots of questions, believe me it helps.

Oh yes I dont hate you as I dont know you but I think we have some things in common.

Regards
Archnut
"And all that was left was hope"

My Story (Triggers)
https://www.waltonhop.blogspot.com
 
thank you everybody, I just thought that nobody would want me here after what I did, but im glad that people have excepted me so thankyou again. I have got to go now, my freind (the one who took me in and i now live with ) is bringing one of his other firends (i dont who he is) home (thats sounds complicated in my head) I will come back later to say hello and possibly rant and rave it depends how my day goes. does anyone else find there self sleeping alot? i have just got up and it 13:11 in the afternoon?!


See you all later and thanks again.

Camron
 
thank you everybody, I just thought that nobody would want me here after what I did, but im glad that people have excepted me so thankyou again. I have got to go now, my freind (the one who took me in and i now live with ) is bringing one of his other firends (i dont who he is) home (thats sounds complicated in my head) I will come back later to say hello and possibly rant and rave it depends how my day goes. does anyone else find there self sleeping alot? i have just got up and it 13:11 in the afternoon?!


See you all later and thanks again.

Camron
 
thank you everybody, I just thought that nobody would want me here after what I did, but im glad that people have excepted me so thankyou again. I have got to go now, my freind (the one who took me in and i now live with ) is bringing one of his other firends (i dont who he is) home (thats sounds complicated in my head) I will come back later to say hello and possibly rant and rave it depends how my day goes. does anyone else find there self sleeping alot? i have just got up and it 13:11 in the afternoon?!


See you all later and thanks again.

Camron
 
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