You have HIV

NotAshamed1962

Registrant
T
HIS COULD BE TRIGGERING. I MENTION SAME SEX ABUSE AND OTHER SAME SEX ACTIVITIES


This is my first post....I was molested by multiple men from the age of 4 to 8 or 9--including my father and a family (adult) friend.

Since 7th grade (age 14) I was cognizant of the fact that I wanted to suck the penis of a friend of mine (this was part of my abuse--me being sucked). I bought gay magazines from the time I was 18--and videos from the time I was 39 to the age of 56 --while I was married and had 4 children. At the age of 30, I received a hand-job in the car of some guy--I got is number off a phone booth. At the age of 50, I began to get massages--with my wife's knowledge and consent. At first, they were the legitimate kind--but then I began search for gay massages in various cities. Over a 6-year period, I spent over $25,000 on sex and was with over 70 different men, in 6 states and 22 cities. I went to 2 bathhouses in 6 days at the age of 56. 4 weeks later, while having relations with my wife, I heard a voice (God's voice), say GO GET TESTED. I immediately lost my erection and withdrew. I knew exactly what that voice was telling me to do.

Two days later, while out of town for work, I went to the County Health Department. It was then that I heard the words: YOU HAVE HIV. I was shocked, ashamed, embarrassed, and very scared. I contemplated driving my car into an oncoming semi--that way no one would ever know--but I could not do it. I met with a trusted friend the next day and we determined that I could not tell my wife until after my son got married on Labor Day weekend. (I did not have relations with my wife after that).

In the interim, I made an appointment with an infectious disease doctor and was to meet with her in mid-September--3 weeks after telling my wife. Additionally, I began seeing a CSAT (sex addiction therapist) and attended Celebrate Recovery + Sex Addicts Anonymous. After telling my wife, she decided that she wanted to work on the marriage--and stay with me if I would stay sober.

When I met with my new doctor, she prescribed a medication. However, I soon learned that my employers' insurance plan did not cover that class of drug I needed--so I was out of luck. After talking to the insurance broker (my employer's 3rd party administrator), he told me that I could sign up for insurance under the Affordable Care Act. So here I was, a staunch opponent of government sponsored insurance, was about to be enrolled in Obama Care. --but coverage would not begin until January--2.5 months away. My doctor said because the disease was found early, she was not concerned about waiting until January to start my medication. I started medication by January 5th and by March, my viral load count was less than 20--which is very good--and is still at that level today.

Here is the reason for my post:
1) I was not aware that certain insurance plans could legally exclude a certain class of drugs. My HIV medication is $3000 per month. (If I were in a lower income bracket (I earn over $100K) the drug company would pay for my prescription through a government program.)

2) I was also not aware that the drug companies would cover my deductible so that the drug would cost me nothing out of pocket. For example: My ACA plan had a deductible of $6500 annually and I paid about $700/month in premium. In January, the drug company pays for my drug. They do the same in February. In March, they pay $500 and then I have hit my deductible. At that point my insurance kicks in and covers the cost of the drug the rest of the year. (since I have hit my deductible, I also have no medical expenses the rest of the year (besides my monthly premium) --so any doctor, hospital or pharmacy is at no charge. I repeat this scenario each year.
3) I want others to know that HIV is no longer a death sentence--if we get treatment.

I know that I am extremely fortunate. I may, at some point, write how I sunk so low that I resorted to sex with prostitutes, but not today.

I wish you well
 

Healing light

Registrant
Welcome to Ms

I'm sorry for what you faced that's brought you here
But here is a place that has a broad spectrum of people who can identify and understand
I have found it a turning point in my healing journey joining ms and it's really helped me I hope it helps you to

I hooked up with alot of men over the years thankfully after confessing to my current partner she stood by me and we have boundaries that work for us.

I wish you well in your healing journey
HL
 
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