Yesterday...

Yesterday...
M

Marc

Registrant
Yesterday I started the morning as usual online with my cup of coffee. Corresponded briefly with my friend michaelb.

Michael is diligently trying to land a new job interspersed with his trips to the library to keep up on all of us and our lives, ;) though it has been a little difficult for him to post lately. We've had many new pups here lately and it has just been a little hard to read some of their sad tales so he's been avoiding the threads for fear of triggers. Do come back when you are ready Michaelb! Your friends miss you here. :)

Got to tease granpa CyberChild (Nathan) in chat last night. Kudos again Nathan!!! I'll be sending the cigars, ensure and depends ASAP! :D

Also, work has been... how do I say this? Ok lately, nothing spectacular but the stress has been at a bearable level.

Some of you remember me mentioning that I had a 'Pre-Matrix: Reloaded' party last week. I got to meet an idol of mine who is a gay wushuist. (Wushu in short is a combo of ALL the Chinese martial arts, rolled into one! Anyhow, yesterday he sent me a DVD in the mail of a major tournament from last year. My heart just sang. To notice me in such a way REALLY made my day.

I looked into a group therapy setting also. It is likely that I'll not be joining it because it is more of a group support type thing and the therapist thinks that I know myself well enough and would likely become to frustrated in that environment. He suggests (and will talk to my individuals therapist) about me instead going to a more 'focused' group therapy setting (not really 'support' oriented, more actual therapy inclusive of my peers). Imagine I know myself pretty well :D

Another +, I went to the GYM yesterday and actually ran for almost 50 minutes... whoo hoo!!!

I don't want to end on a down note in anyway but I have to say as good as things have been going, I get that 'hair-standing-on-the-back-of-my-neck' feeling that it's been too good lately. But I shall do as my mentor Victor does and 'take it if it comes' and deal with it then. Without letting it get me down... much! ;)

Positive Michael. You can keep some 'sadness' but if you look and you allow, it can be more positive than sad.
 
Ok ok now Marc still picking on you bad boy lol. What did you think of the Matrix reloaded I did not like it my self. What's going on at work? I am kind of at the point where I ahte going to work so I am looking for another job. A dear friend of mine gave me some advice she said "When you hate going to work, then it is time to move on." Marc I know that you knows this but sometimes a member is not ready to cme back to the pack. Michaelb knows that we are here fro him when he is ready to come back to us.


Lots of love, Nathan
 
I don't want to end on a down note in anyway but I have to say as good as things have been going, I get that 'hair-standing-on-the-back-of-my-neck' feeling that it's been too good lately. But I shall do as my mentor Victor does and 'take it if it comes' and deal with it then. Without letting it get me down... much!
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Marc you deserve all the good stuff and none of the bad. It is just that we are hotwired to believe that we are worthless and do not deserve good stuff. Our coping strategies after the hot-wire just reinforced that myth. You feel it coming on slap it up the side of the head and piss all over it like a robust wolf would.

You just gotta change the belief that you dont deserve anything worthwhile cause it is a lie.

Glad to hear you went to the Gym. I have been doing that since Jan 1 and I now look forward to it. When I work up a sweat lifting weights and during cardio and my muscles are screaming I can get rid of all the negative shit. My blood is racing around inside me and cleaning me from the inside out. I think you feel the same way when you run. Cleansing the soul and the body.

I have run on enough now!! :D ;)
 
Funny you should post this 'cause I've been feeling the exact same way, you know, depression is over due - it's been a few days. I can have EVERYTHING going perfectly and find something - maybe twenty years ago - to get me saying "what an a..hole [I am]" and make some weird grunting noise to emphasize it. The grunt came/comes naturally, not forced.

Weird too, I only noticed it this morning, I haven't "grunted" or found anything to blame on ME in maybe a week now. Not even our office intranet going down! Oddly enough, that's about the same time frame as when I acknowledged my SA.

Anyway, I think Victor has it right.

You said: "...I get that 'hair-standing-on-the-back-of-my-neck' feeling that it's been too good lately. But I shall do as my mentor Victor does and 'take it if it comes' and deal with it then. Without letting it get me down... much!"

Maybe we can now start looking for the good things we've done in the past, and let out a laugh when we start getting down.

Enjoy,
Michael
 
Right on Michael.
God we need all the good stuff we can lay our hands on and then some.
 
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