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I'm completely new to all of this. I'm 20 years old. I really don't know where to start with this, so here goes-
My mom and dad divorced when I was six. My mom took me and my brother to live at her parent's house. While there, allegations of sexual abuse came up. Allegedly my dad was in a porn ring with satanic overtones (this is what I was told) that killed and molested boys, infants, monkeys etc. Charges were filed and it went to trial. The judge coundn't determine if my dad abused me or if my mom had made it up. So I was sent to a foster home where I was humiliated and hit dailty by my foster mother. To make things more confusing for me now, I realized I was gay when I was 17. I was very conflicted and felt ashamed of my sexuality because it reminded me of the abuse I'd been told I suffered. I say this because, to this day, I have no memory of it. I have no idea how all this happened. I was only 6 at the time and it was very confusing. All throughout my life I've felt very depressed and lonely. I am in a healthy, loving relationship with another guy my age. He is my size as well- about 5'8" 120lbs. I am to this day wary of large men. So being gay I am only comfortable around smaller guys. I always feel so fucked up in my head, I can't think right, I never went to school and was sent to juvenile detention as a result. When I was 18 I comitted burglary and was sent to jail. I'm still on probation. I'm trying really hard to fix my life but there is always this deep black feeling pulling at me. I don't know what I expect in response to this. I think I just wanted to finally tell others who know about these things.
-Justin
My mom and dad divorced when I was six. My mom took me and my brother to live at her parent's house. While there, allegations of sexual abuse came up. Allegedly my dad was in a porn ring with satanic overtones (this is what I was told) that killed and molested boys, infants, monkeys etc. Charges were filed and it went to trial. The judge coundn't determine if my dad abused me or if my mom had made it up. So I was sent to a foster home where I was humiliated and hit dailty by my foster mother. To make things more confusing for me now, I realized I was gay when I was 17. I was very conflicted and felt ashamed of my sexuality because it reminded me of the abuse I'd been told I suffered. I say this because, to this day, I have no memory of it. I have no idea how all this happened. I was only 6 at the time and it was very confusing. All throughout my life I've felt very depressed and lonely. I am in a healthy, loving relationship with another guy my age. He is my size as well- about 5'8" 120lbs. I am to this day wary of large men. So being gay I am only comfortable around smaller guys. I always feel so fucked up in my head, I can't think right, I never went to school and was sent to juvenile detention as a result. When I was 18 I comitted burglary and was sent to jail. I'm still on probation. I'm trying really hard to fix my life but there is always this deep black feeling pulling at me. I don't know what I expect in response to this. I think I just wanted to finally tell others who know about these things.
-Justin
