x-mas time is rough will it always be this way

x-mas time is rough will it always be this way
T

thecoopstah

With x-mas around the corner i find myself feeling real confrontational and although i could perhaps tie it to csa when do you draw the line in the sand and move on with your life even though its so painful.My family (lack thereof) invited me over their house and i told them "NO" and they let it go, i truly am fine with this because x-mas is only another day for me but as a result i am always triggered to either want to cause problems and keep the very people who are part of my makeup away but also wanting them to understand how much i hate and not look forward to the very holiday that "brings it all back for me" emotionally but also bring families closer during a time of togetherness that i know nothing about or even a clue how this holiday should feel.The problem with x-mas nowadays is people make it to be more then it really is and the only ones who it(x-mas) should be for are the children and yet even they get lost in all the bullshit that goes on.Lately over the last week i have not been able to sleep at all i'm up all night till at least 4AM and i hate this becuase i know alot of the reason i struggle is the way in which i feel and felt as a child that wanted so much and got nothing in return.Is how i am feeling a normal part of the process and will it get better as time goes by and lessen the emotional impact it has had on me all these years.

Coopstah
 
i feel real confrontational...at this time also...last year i got fired at work because of this....this year i took 2 wekks off at bthis time so i dont have to be around all of this holiday stuff...and maybe keep my job...so far looks ok....steve
 
Hey Coop. It's hard for me to comment on your post because I don't really know where you're coming from as far as whether or not it was one of your close family members that abused you, and how you get along otherwise, but may I make a suggestion for all you people that don't wish to be with your own family this Christmas? (like me).

I made a really cool friend and we have a lot of common interests and he's got 3 really cool kids that are totally attached to me now that I've been visiting off and on the last 4 or 5 months. I've been invited by my family of course, but I would rather hang out with my friend and HIS family. I will post about why I'm not hanging out with my family in another post I think.

Make a comment to a friend that you don't really feel like hanging out with your own family this Christmas, if they are truly your friends, they will invite you to celebrate Christmas with them.
 
When I told my coworker I was not attending a xmas party she said, "I am sorry to hear that."
The last time this coworker talked to me OUTSIDE of work, I cannot determine. So, its weird they would feel sorry.
I ended up telling one coworker I was "socially retarded".
How do you defend your reason for the season without upsetting them?
I'm only saying, I am with ya. The seasons are not the greatest for me. They are cold, lonely, and usually full of stress. I cant wait for summer.
 
PhillyPA -

I feel confrontational too-

I have a thought -

Perhaps - I do not know if this is too triggering to opening up to saying this -

You might say "the holidays are too powerful - I do not want to be at a party during this time.
I generally try to lie low."

This might be a direct - and honest way -
to say "back off - I am not coming" in a way they respect.

right now I've a lot to say on another post -
 
Coopstah

Remember in star wars. "anger", "fear" and "agression" lead to the dark side. I am a fine one to talk about those emotions. I try to look to the future(if there is one) there i go again.

I am not helping. I hate christmas because its a time for Jesus etc... I do not believe in god because I believe "he" abadoned me and left me to the "wolves". Having said that I like wolves bit not the human ones.

try to stay cheerful.

duncan
 
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