Wrote my story...

[TX_Space]

Help. I just wrote my whole story in a letter to my soon to be ex-wife. Now that I'm done...I feel like curling up and going to sleep. I have sunk to a dark place. I guess it shows because people at work keep looking at me funny. I just want to disappear and never come back. Of course, I can't. I have work deadlines, kids to pick-up at school and take places, volunteer meetings...

Now, I'm questioning why I did it. I don't want it there to keep going to. I don't think I'll give it to her. She doesn't deserve it...but I want her to have it so that she can see and understand. Maybe she'll want me back now that she knows my flaws.

 

[Zipser]

TX_Space,

Sounds like you're really hurting. I'm sorry about that and understand that you'd like to curl up and go to sleep. Writing that letter must have taken a lot out of you but at the same time you showed courage in doing it. Believe me when I tell you that you've taken the first step towards leaving that dark place.

I'm guessing that you've been together for some time (school age kids) and that she doesn't know about your CSA. Any "flaws" belong not to you but to your perp. You didn't do anything to deserve what happened to you no matter what you may have been told.

There's a great bunch of guys who will be here for you whenever you feel like sharing.

Hang in there. It will get better.

Zipser

 

[aardvark]

tx
hey I'm glad you had the stength to write it all out. I just hope that you dont expect to much from your ex when you give it to her. I was at a very low point in my relationship when I disclosed my abuse to my wife. We are still together, but not because I disclosed to her the abuse, but because I had conciously changed some of my behaviors that were getting in the way of our relationship. She has told me that the disclosure itself was not the reason she stayed. you might want to think about what it would be like if you gave it to her and she didnt respond to it. Ken has an article about disclosure posted on the site that I foundvery helpful. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope you get what you need from all of this.

-aardvark