Writing about my abuser -- will be PUBLISHED!!!
I had recently written about my sexual and emotional abuse at the hands of my mother, and sent it off to a Ph.D LCSW whose office address is in the county where I grew up.
She is authoring a book on the topic of Mother-Son Incest and is going to include my story in it.
I didn't mention that if she wanted to meet the abuser, she could just travel up the county a bit to do so.
This has made my whole outlook much clearer. It is making me MUCH more sensitive to abuse and control issues, even the very mundane ones that come up in daily living.
One upside is that I am very much less likely to engage in any activity that would 'repeat' the kind of abuse Mom gave me. This was a pattern I had for years, that I would seek out the same kinds of abuse, only at the hands of men whom I used to seek out for this purpose alone.
But this also makes me very nervous.
Part of it, is the frustration of 'not acting out' when there was a pretty established routine of doing that (and naturally, suffering more each time I did.)
There is another kind of feeling nervous too. Will the family read it? Will my confessions be clear enough that somebody will tell the abuser -- who is almost 80 but still relatively clear in her mind -- that I have done this?
Anyway, the signed release is in the mail, and I am really HAPPY about it!
My most swashbuckling part says, It's a D*MN shame the book won't be on the stands for Mother's Day.
She is authoring a book on the topic of Mother-Son Incest and is going to include my story in it.
I didn't mention that if she wanted to meet the abuser, she could just travel up the county a bit to do so.
This has made my whole outlook much clearer. It is making me MUCH more sensitive to abuse and control issues, even the very mundane ones that come up in daily living.
One upside is that I am very much less likely to engage in any activity that would 'repeat' the kind of abuse Mom gave me. This was a pattern I had for years, that I would seek out the same kinds of abuse, only at the hands of men whom I used to seek out for this purpose alone.
But this also makes me very nervous.
Part of it, is the frustration of 'not acting out' when there was a pretty established routine of doing that (and naturally, suffering more each time I did.)
There is another kind of feeling nervous too. Will the family read it? Will my confessions be clear enough that somebody will tell the abuser -- who is almost 80 but still relatively clear in her mind -- that I have done this?
Anyway, the signed release is in the mail, and I am really HAPPY about it!
My most swashbuckling part says, It's a D*MN shame the book won't be on the stands for Mother's Day.