wow!

[beccy]

Suddenly feel like I've come through the other side of processing my own issues!!!!

It really does feel like a total breakthrough.
I now feel i have a far better understanding of how it can be hard for my bf to seperate me from his abusers, from working out my own stuff, cause that's what I was finding hard too! Except I hadn't even seen it. I suppose that's how it is though. I feel I've been probably made his recovery process this past couple of months twice as hard because of my own issues and am very glad that's over now! (am working on not feeling guilty about it too, reminding myself it's not my fault) Also, even though my some of my approach has been flawd and a bit extreme, it does seem that it's only been since I started saying some of the stuff that matters to me, that our relationship has began to improve. He's started talking to me more, instigating conversations about things that have bothered/worried him. Shared more with me. I suppose like my therapist said to me, me and the kids is what he has NOW and therefore it's very important for him/us to put time and energy into making that work better, along with his recovery. Most of the time, till recently, I have found it difficult to see it that way, as I was just so consumed by the necessity to support him as much as possible in all the tremdously hard stuff he's got to go through. Even as I write that, I still find it hard to concieve, but her advice and direction does seem to have been right. I feel so lucky to have such a good therapist, I just wish i could see her weekly! That would be so good for me. She's also a homeopath and those remedies definately have profound effects. They are incredibly effective at 'shifting' emotional patterns. I feel like they've moved me through both physical and emotional stuff, which would otherwise have taken much longer to process...I would recommend a good homeopathic doctor to anyone! My bf has also found it to be very supportive/strength building alongside the psychosyntheseis...

maybe we might have an easier couple of days/weeks now!?

Just wanted to share some positive stuff...

peace
Beccy

 

[sis]

It sounds like you guys are on your way. i hear alot of gratitude, that's a good thing. universal luv and light, Sis

 

[Brokenhearted]

Beccy,

I am so glad you had a breakthrough. I love it when my therapist blows my mind with something that helps me so much too. And usually it's a simple thing I had just not been able to see.

When you say, "it does seem that it's only been since I started saying some of the stuff that matters to me, that our relationship has began to improve. He's started talking to me more, instigating conversations about things that have bothered/worried him. Shared more with me." -- wow, that sounds soooooo good. I am just living for the day when my husband might share w/me more. I see the possibility that we could be so close but can tell he's still holding back.

You give me hope! It's progress and isn't it great when you can really see it.

 

[beccy]

I'm glad this has given you hope BH,

even though bf is beginning to share more with me, I can see it is still only the beginning. A beginning is enough to give me hope, but there's so much further to go yet! I understand though, that probably much of the thoughts he has in his head are only in the beginning stages for him, so how would you share a load of stuff you've not come to terms with yourself yet? It is hard to be patient isn't it? I understand now, that really when I got together with bf all those years ago, he wasn't really in a place where he was actually ready to be in a whole and sharing relationship yet.(still isn't really) He always seemed like such a 'solid' person and that's part of the reason I chose to be with him! I was more just of the impression that he decided to keep himself to himself!!! My therapist said many dissociated people can appear to be 'solid'. I always knew I wasn't so 'solid' myself, so it is part of the reason I wanted to be with someone who seemed stable. Boy, was I wrong!!!! I am longing for the time when bf realises all his own power, becomes a truly liberated person and we can be properly close. I have now fully comprehened the reality of my life as it stands and have realised I have to somehow try to find a way to get on with myself/my own things and wait for a time when my relationship feels whole. I know I cannot feel or experience true closeness with bf until he processes much more of his stuff and can learn to seperate me from the abuse. I have realised the way he's treated me(in the context of my own past), has had the effect of reducing my self esteme to zero. All my feminine expression/passion and liberation died a death and I'm now trying to rebuild it. Bf says he wants us to be sexual and have some fun, but I've explained to him, I can't have sex without intimacy/flirting/playfullness/connection/communication, all that stuff. He's finally respected that. He finds the situation of flirting and even passion/playfullness intimidating, even though I have stated very clearly that I am not in a place where I feel I could be physically sexual yet. I have found his physical advances far more pressurised than just flirting, but I think it must come down to an issue of confidence/masculinity for him and makes him feel too exposed. It's to do with the way he views himself......I have hope that that will change in time,


peace
Beccy