Would you sue your perp.

Would you sue your perp.
M

Muldoon

Registrant
Would you sue your perp.

As I have done all my lobbying at the capital I come to realize how little it will affect most of my brothers here at Male Survivors. Yes if I could snap the figure and change the laws all over the world it still wouldnt help most victims here. Most victims would be powerless to sue their perps. How do you sue your sister, mother, father, and brother, uncle, cousin, babysitter, and the older kid next door? Sure it could help Dave sue the headmaster at the school or Bob to sue the scoutmaster but as you can see most perps would never be sued in civil court.
So now I wonder why I am doing all this work for how few it will help. I keep telling myself that it is for all victims of CSA but in reality it will help so few. Its such a sad state of affairs that most perps will never face criminal or civil justice. The one good thing that has come out of my work at the capital is I am educating the REPS on what CSA is all about. They can never say that they dont understand.
Are we fighting a losing battle that can never be won?
On the + + + + + side I know that all the work we do here at male survivor will help todays children deal with the evil of CSA. I see so many young victims (18-23) coming here to begin their healing it gives me hope. Now if we can only teach the children to never hide in the silence, that would be a major step forward. Muldoon
 
Thank you for all the work you are doing! YES, if my perp had anything I would sue the SOB (now that my secret is out). I'm not sure that would help me heal any, but some sort of justice would be nice, and some financial benefit would sure help my family.
 
Thank you for the hard work you are doing with legislators.

To be honest, I don't know if I would sue my perp(s) or not and here is why. Actually a few years back an attorney wanted to do this but I wasn't ready to even think about it.

I'm not sure what good it would do for me in my situation. Maybe it would help in some way for my healing that I can not see at this time. However I've been involved with some trials for corporations and they are not fun. They are draining and take a lot of energy out of you. So from that perspective, I just don't know if I could say it is worth all that which would be drained from me. Again, I may just not be at a point where I can see the benefits.

I am trying to move forward from everything and I am not sure taking the matter to court now would do much of anything for anyone. One perp is very old and physically in bad shape and another (I have no clue about).

It would have been nice to file criminal complaints against them, but in the state I grew up in, by the time I was ready to do this, the statue of limitations had run out. This part makes me the most angry. I think we need to have a "federal" statue of limitations that applies to each and every state and it needs to be more than 5 years after the incident. This country has to get tough on this and I mean tough! Someone abuses a child, well they don't deserve to live in society for no amount of money. I would rather house than in a 2x2 cell for the rest of their waking life.

What I have done instead is I wrote to the Attorney General of the state where my perps live and where everything happened. I told them about the incidients involving me and told them that i was concerned they could be doing it to other children. I also told them that if someone came forward and needed me to testify to help substantiate an act of abuse by one of these perps, I would do it in a seconds notice. They did write to me and took my letter seriously as I think they did some investigation. However since these matters are confidential, I am not allowed to know what happened and that angers me greatly.

So besides the changing of the statue of limitations for all states, I think if you bring an allegation or circumstancial allegation of child abuse forward, you should as the party alleging, be able to find out what is being done.

I really hate it when states and perps hide behind the law.

Don
 
Muldoon my brother:

If one child can be saved from a perp who was set loose by another, your work is worthwhile. Just one.

Our Lord, Jesus Christ commanded his disciples: "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14. These, and many other teachings lead us to understand just how important these young ones are in God's sight.

They are the future of His kingdom, the future of His church on earth, the future of Mankind, and the future of Our Redeemer. That is why we devote such resources to their welfare.

That is why we sacrifice our selves. For that which we do for the least of our brothers and sisters, we have done for HIM.

If I can stop one child from being abused by my perp... If I can connect with just one of my perps' survivors, and prevent him from going over the edge...if i can make the world a safer place for my children and the many others who wander the streets of my hometown, where my perps live...His will has been done.

Sorry to sound so preachy. But that is how I believe it to be today. As Madonna's (the pop queen) lyrics from her latest hit say:

I'm gonna break the cycle
I'm gonna shake up the system
I'm gonna destroy my ego
I'm gonna close my body now

Uh, uh

I think I'll find another way
There's so much more to know
I guess I'll die another day
It's not my time to go

For every sin, I'll have to pay
I've come to work, I've come to play
I think I'll find another way
It's not my time to go

I'm gonna avoid the cliche
I'm gonna suspend my senses
I'm gonna delay my pleasure
I'm gonna close my body now

I guess, die another day
I guess I'll die another day
I guess, die another day
I guess I'll die another day

Peace

Orodo
 
Muldoon...don't begin to doubt the good you are doing NOW! Orodo is correct...if you can help just one person who was victimized then your work has not been in vain. I can understand that in many cases a victim may have no interest in sueing his/her perp but for anyone who may need to take this step to bring themselves closure, they are entitled to have this opportunity.

In our society it is not acceptable to take justice into our own hands...we don't encourage abusing others for the wrongs they have done us. Instead our society allows us to bring matters to a court and should a jury or judge find that an individual has been wronged then some form of civil restitution may be awarded.

I KNOW THAT EVERY VICTIM OF SEXUAL ABUSE...will never be made whole again by ANY some of money. But this may be the only recourse to satisfaction or closure a victim may have. It may be the only forum in which they can address those who have inflicted so much harm.

WITHOUT A DOUBT....your actions are courageous and one day will bare fruit. I COMMEND YOU AND ENCOURAGE YOU TO CONTINUE!!! Each and every victim will at least have that choice (to sue or not to). They certainly never had a choice when they were being abused! They may become empowered once again to adress these aggregious wrongs.

MARCH ON......Mark
 
Muldoon
Yes, I would sue everyone of them in an instant, but some are dead and from where I sit now the others are out of reach- legally speaking.

But we must always cling to the hope that just one child is saved or at least sees justice done, Orodo is right.

For that to happen we need people to bang on tables, write endless letters, make repeated 'phone calls.
People who have the ability and drive to persuade our elected representitives that what we have now is not good enough.

People like you Muldoon, thank you for all your efforts.

Dave
 
Muldoon,

Several others have already said this, but the work you are doing is for children of the future, not neccessarily for us.

If you are successful, hopefully many children of the next generation will never have to go through what we have. You are doing good work, and I envy your bravery and strength to be able to talk about your abuse to a room full of strangers.

Would I sue my perps? Probably not. I know that one had a stroke some years ago, and is in really bad shape (Something that I find very satisfying.) I have no idea about the other. But honestly, it wouldn't change anything, so I see no point. If you offered me immunity from prosecution, a machete, and an hour alone with them, I'd be far more sorely tempted to take you up on it. But ultimately, it would be no more helpful than suing them.

You are doing good work Muldoon and I, for one, am cheering you on.

Eric
 
Muldoon,

Image a big, still, calm lake in the early morning,
after lifetimes of stifling hot summer days and
nights. The air is cool, a blanket of fog covers
the lake, only the tree tops on the shore line can
be seen.

You are casting stones, one at time. As
legislators, their aids and others hear your story,
plop goes a stone on the lake, a separate stone for
each human being touched by your voice.

The fog is thick, but getting thinner. Those
stones have landed, perhaps only in one cove, but
the ripples travel far. You may never see or know
how many are touched, forever changed by the
ripples you set in motion. Others may be laughing
and calling you the fool, but such has happened to
all who try to change the waters.

Most of us can only stand in the safety of the
trees and watch as you march bravely down to the
shore with stones in your backpack. All I can do
is hand you more stones and say "Don't give up!".
 
I like that last post Tom.

If we can sue our perps it becomes a public act. They are exposed. People will be more careful around the perps and keep their kids away. He will live afraid that his latest victims might come forth. Hopefully he will stop any further abuse.

We get the strength to speak out everytime one of us breaks the silence and exposes a child harmer.

I plan to put together some material and do the same thing you have done Tom, both at the city and county level as well as at the State level.

Bob
 
this is sooooooo fantanstic. ROCK ON DEAN I think I may have told you earlier that I started similar activity here in Maine. Imagine a world where NO PERP IS SAFE to PERP AGAIN?????????? hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahah Then pray for it, then make it happen. His will be done...

Peace

orodo
 
Thanks guys you have helped me understand so much, I know that it is the kids that this is all about. We must help protect the children of today from the evil of CSA. Yes that is the one good thing that we can do for the furtrue. I am ready to do battle with all that stand in our way.
Yes, the ripples travel far from our words. Let's all cast those stones in the pond of life so all will know about the evil of CSA. Love you guys Muldoon
 
You got a wolf pack behind you, and you are "Akela" the leader...

Peace

Orodo
 
I gave this alot of thought a few years ago. I did want to sue, especially after I realised how much was robbed from me, how much potential was flushed down the toilet. I was in my anger stage, so I was running on pure adrenaline (sp?).

I mean, if a 60 y/o lady can sue for spilling hot coffee on her lap and get nearly 2 million dollars???? What am I do? She will heal, and probably did by the time the trial started, but me... I'll be dealing with it in varying degrees till I'm in the ground.

I know where my uncle lives, although he's pennyless now. He did own a house at the time, which I'm sure he had homeowners insurance on. My father had homeowners on our house too. For those that don't know, insurance is a funny thing. If your damaged off your premisis and there is no other insurance to make you whole again, your homeowners policy will cover you. I say "your" will cover you, meaning anyone who lives in the insured property is covered off the property aswell, where no other insurance is in force.

Ok, sure it happened twenty something years ago. I'm sure no insurance company is gonna be willing to just fork over $ on my say so. It will probably take a court case to retroactivly go after the insurance policy, but then again, maybe not. I didn't look all that far into it to know for sure. But I belive there is probably a good chance.

At the time of my major dealing, I went down to the county prosecutors office and met with a detective there to tell my story. It was too late to procecute him by then, but they knew the potential in him and would keep an eye on him. I also told the whole family, so now he's in exile. He knows everyone knows that he is a sick perverted pedophile. But he has not been made a public spectical & the public is not aware of him.

I think that if pedophiles had to worry about loosing there $$$ and public humilliation in a civil trial, it would be a big deterant.

Would $$$ make me whole again? No, not 100% whole, but I know that I did have a monetery loss due to the abuse, by not being able to grow to my potential. Had I not been so damaged, I could've graduated HS and maybe went on to college. I most likely would be living more of a comfortable lifestyle If I did. Yeah, I'll take some $$$ for what I've been through...

The one bad thing about sueing and what held me back, was that I would have to go 100% public myself. Most times I think that I could deal with that, but there are sometimes where I wouldn't want all my neighbors & coworkers to know what I've been through & certainly not any details. I just don't like that possibility.

~George~
 
Muldoon my friend do not underestimate the impact of what you are doing, just becuz we know you're doing it! You are an inspiration & motivation to courage & advocacy. Thank you bro.

Orodo, a world where no perp is safe to perp ever again. Awesome thot & prayer.

One day a boy walking on the beach during low tide came upon a man who was walking along throwing starfish stranded out of the water back into the ocean. There were stranded starfish all up & down this huge beach.

"Why are you doing that? the boy asked. "There are so many. It's hopeless. What does it matter?"

As he picked up another starfish & tossed it back into the safety of the water he replied, "It matters to this one!"

I can't stop every perp & save every victim. But just one makes life worthwhile & makes me more of a survivor & thriver. That goes for all of us.

The wolf pack is on the prowl. OWWHHOOOOO!!!!

Now the question...

Would I sue my perp?

The only one who's whereabouts I know is my mother, perp #1. Suing a 62 year old woman who has scarcely worked a fulltime job in her life & lives in a room in someone else's house & doesn't even have a vehicle & is on minimal social security.

Sure wouldn't be for the money. Don't know if it would be worth it in any way.

Guess I can't answer that one right now.

My recovery & my advocacy for other survivors is my best revenge in taking a bite out of my perps & all perps!

If suing will do that, I'll try to hunt down every one that's still alive wherever they are & do it!

Victor
 
Would I sue my perp? I would rather sue for ten mins alone with him and a baseball bat but since that would never happen I would like to take his money. Lord knows that we all need money and it would be nice to make a perp pay at least the medical and T bills. Thank you for all you hard work on trying to get the laws changed my brother good luck and keep up the battle.
 
Hi Nathan, hope all goes well for you.

You are young enough to not only sure but criminally prosecute.

I just came from a male survivor group that I have met with twice now. A young man told of his telling a DA, the hearing etc. It is because of the way he and others were treated that I think so few want that hassle. He was made to think that he was the one at fault. Who needs that.

Bob
 
What I am posting is from a private post I did to Muldoon. Sueing your perp is a tough battle. My attorney tells me we are just in the early stages of the battle. Is it worth it? Will it be worth it when it is all over? I don't know. I hope so. The one thing I will say is that the more we speak up the easier it will be for others to come forward. There was an article in this morning's paper regarding Gag orders and changing the laws. I had always wanted a gag order placed on my case when it is all over. One of the things that this article said has made me rethink that decision. It stated that the Catholic church used gag orders to protect them and cover up all the allegations. Had the cases been more open when they frist started appearing perhaps more priests would have been stopped earlier and the problem would have not gotten so big.

Prevention of S A is the Key. Perps need to be held accountable for the lives they have destroyed. Even a relative needs to be held accountable. They should be at least MADE to pay for the counseling expenses of the victim.

From the private I did to Muldoon:
Muldoon,

When you did your post on Would you sue your perp I was going to respond but there was/is so much going on that I didn't. The Legal battle is going very S L O W. My attorney's para-legal tells me I need to be more patient. However, My attorney did send the Church's attorney a "nasty-gram" last thursday. We have provided the church with ever document they have requested and the church has not given/granted us ONE thing we have requested in return. Also, I don't know if you saw the post I did called frustrated with my T's. All that, plus, when I went to the police to try to confront Ted (post called "because I didn't say no) put me into a deep depression. I wanted to reply to your post that I would sue my perp(s) and I still will but I would advise anyone that is considering doing it to make sure you have a good support system in place. One day you will be up and the next day you will be so frustrated that you want to give it all up. DON"T

My feelings are that if I can prevent the Male Survivor membership from growing by just one member I will have accomplished something. Don't get me wrong. I want to see the membership grow and know that those needing help are getting it. I would like every survivor who needs us to be getting the help they need. I just want to prevent another child from becoming a victim.

There was an article in the paper about two weeks ago telling how a bill in the legislature had not been passed. It would have made more perps have to register and also made the sheriff's department have to send letters out to all neighbors when a convicted perp was living in the neighborhood. It would have made it more difficult for perps. The defense was that the perps had paid their price by serving time. What is so disturbing is that a few years ago I got one of these letters. There was a perp living right across the street from the parking lot of the Catholic school. He could look out his window and see the children coming and going.

Ted, my first Perp lives within Two blocks a grade school. There is a crosswalk right in front of his house. Ted likes 14 to 20 year olds ... but The Jr high and High school are right across the road from the Grade school.

Back to the bill that was defeated. I know the representative that introduced the bill. He goes to the same church that I was raped in. I am thinking about contacting him. Could you send me any information that you have that you gave out to your legislature. The more states that have laws the better. What is really needed is something like the Amber Allert but instead a Perp alert. A NATIONAL law that REQUIRES all perps to have to regiseter WHENEVER they move. They have made our lives hell. They need to start being held responsible for their actions.
Click to expand...
Thanks,

John
 
John,

Thanks bro. You are healing yourself and showing the way for the rest of us who may decide to sue our perps. My thots & prayers are with you friend.

Victor
 
I would not sue for myself, but if I thought another child might be victimized then I would do everything I could to stop that. However, one of my perps is dead, another is in prison (unrelated charges) and the rest are nameless people I might not even recognize if I saw them on the street. I don't feel that I need to harm them or "bring them to justice." The best thing I can do is erase them from my life and not worry about them again, because what they want me to do is live with that stain forever. If I was to sue them and bring it public it would perhaps be a form of justice, but then I would be concerning myself with them, and they are not worth it.
 
Speaking for myself I think I would rather see them go to prison and be released into the general prison poplutation with the only caveat being that the other prisoners keep them alive for their pleasure. I guess, true to my former role as a hustler seeking violence, that would be the best form of punishment. At least that would be my desire if I were say 25

I am however 62 and quite content to think that they all led horrible lives and died horribly. I just want to live the last quarter at peace.
 
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