worried sick

worried sick
J

Jaso

Registrant
i wake up in the morning sick to my stomach i know theres nothing there to throw up but i still want to im wraked with nerves days ago i would freak out over becomeing one those monsters now i know i wont turn into one but i still freakout not necessarily about turning into one but just in general

ive got another question that im scared to ask all of you so here it is

did any of you ever feel nervous or tense up around kids and if so how did you deal with it
i mean i cant stay locked up in my apartment forever i have to get a job

i hope this doesnt bother any one
i just want to know im not alone
 
Jaso
I think it's safe to say that many of us fear that the abuse we suffered will make us abusers.

But it's NOT TRUE, being abused does not MAKE people abuse others.

It's a myth that follows us around, unfortunately, and something we can also believe.
I think it's part of the reason I've been married for 32 years and have no children, I spent 25 of those years not knowing if I could be trusted.

Now I know that I can, and my niece is staying with us for 2 weeks with her litle boy right now, I have no doubts at all about my feelings towards these young people stopping under my roof. I trust myself 100%

I can say that because I have never felt the urge to have any kind of sexual contact with young people or children, not ever.
But I was frightened that the urge to abuse was something that lay hidden within me just waiting for the opportunity to arise. The urge wasn't hidden, it was never there.

Abusers have that urge, they recognise that urge and are either incapable of doing anything about it, or they choose to do nothing about it.
That urge is never hidden away from the people who have it.

If someone does feel these urges, and has never acted upon them, then help is available. A good therapist can ease the struggle.

Therapy can also ease the struggle of guys like us who 'fear' the urge lies hidden away as well.

Dave
 
Hi Jaso,

I agree with everything Dave has said, you would know if this were a problem for you. I used to tense up around children and was very uncomfortable with touching or hugging them. Part of it for me was about being an adult physically close to a child would subconsciously trigger my own memories of abuse, so being close to a child felt like I was an abuser because for me that was when I was close to an adult as a child. Also just seeing children at the ages we were abused can cause discomfort as they remind us of our own histories. Now when I have that tension its more a feeling of sorrow about how innocent and trusting children are and how easily they can be hurt.

I look after a friends child regularly, she is five now and I have lots of fun with her. Occasionally that old feeling that I am poisonous and that somehow that poison would leak out and affect the child comes up but it doesnt panic me anymore. I spent quite a bit of time in therapy talking about this very subject, I am still not quite clear why the fear was so strong it was part of feeling like I was bad and therefore would be bad for children.

The fear is irrational, I know saying that wont make it disappear but you are certainly not alone with it.

Peter.
 
Jaso, you typed in nervous or tense up around children, if you had typed in desirous around children, then I believe you are talking about two different things and I do believe both can be helped.

Ike
 
My Friend,
I am a special education teacher and I have never even had a thought of doing to someone what has been done to me. If anything it has made me a better advocate. However, there are many times when I have been thrown for a loop because of something that has happened. I am so glad that I founf this site. I just told my former girlfriend about the abuse I suffered (after talking to my therapist) and I am finally feeling better. I tried drowning out memories with alcohol and pot and it feels so good to be clean! I have my mind back. Now, if I can only repair some of that damage.
Stay strong friends!
 
I dont know if this can help you Jaso, but in are self we have what is all a social memory or collective memory and we refer to it constioly or unconscioly. I think those are the things that triggers what is going in your head.

Jp
 
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