worried - can't sleep

worried - can't sleep
S

sonlite

Registrant
tomorrow i have my 1st work search review for the unemployment commission. i have been having many meetings and trying to set up my own business (private practice w foster kids). I ALWAYS GET PTSD TRIGGERED WHEN I EVEN THINK ABOUT SITUATIONS OF BEING UNDER SCRUTINY it just "takes me back" to very unpleasant memories and feelings

i have been doing personal notes as a rough draft to filling out the form to document my steps ... i am just scared that it all won't be good enough in the mindset of some beaureaucrat w an agenda to find reasons to NOT pay the benefits to people. i am living by a $ thread.

but i am getting burned out on this and i need to get some sleep or else i won't be sharp. i hate this. like i'm gonna be able to sleep anyway, but i have to give my body a chance. i just can't do all-nighters like i could when i was in school.

thanks for listening

john
 
John,

You've been doing the work on this you need to do.
You have no other control over what the unemployment commission does anyway. So try to rest, relax, breathe, and believe in yourself & your work. You are in my prayers as you go meet with the commission.

Victor
 
thanks wuamei -

you are such an asset to this site. the way you respond to just about everyone's posts w an encouraging word makes me feel glad i came back to this site.

================================
in case you're wondering how it turned out ...
i woke up at 0600 and did a little more work on my personal notes and then went to McDonalds for a cup of coffee and sat in the booth and tried to fill the form out, in the language they would be looking for. i have learned in my field that a lot of times a reviewer is looking for specific language vs quality of content.

i was very nervous and tried to stay grounded and when the time came they took a bunch of us into a room and called us table by table. i handed the woman my form and she looked it over for about 10 seconds and said "thank you" and that was it.

no horrible "cross-examination" of my worth/performance, such as i had imagined. so it is out of my hands and in God's hands now.

i am sad bc i have only $23 to my name and will likely bounce a check for the 1st time in two years after trying so hard to stay on top of my finances. thats not the end of the world, but issues w money are something that is always extremely triggering for me.

I wonder how many other survivors here feel PTSD triggered by finances and demands to 'put out' or else, by creditors?

need to stay focused

john
 
John,

Thank you for your encouraging words. Hey I'm glad you came back too. You offer a lot here.

John I'm glad to see how things have turned out thus far and as you say it is in God's hands.

Hmmmm being triggered about finances...

...yes I guess I could say I've had that problem occasionally. :rolleyes:

Not much advice to offer about it tho...

...for reasons obvious to anyone who knows me, my wife takes care of our finances.

Again, John, you are doing what you need to do. Relax, keep doing it, keep relaxing. Easier said than done. But you can do it. :)

Victor
 
John,
I think it was Christ that said, "Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow can worry about itself." I sometimes find it reassuring when overcome by anxiety.

Personal finances are a weak spot for me. I don't know if you have temp employment agencies near you, but they are often a reliable recourse to unemployment.

Just my two cents.
 
I am triggered by finances. It is my most triggering experience, oddly.

I am not sure what that is, but I also will act out by spending money and putting myself in a bad place financially. I will buy little things, feeling I 'deserve' some reward. but that reward is short-lived and those small purchases add up to trouble.

I have never been out of work for more than a few months for the last twenty years. I have been able to support myself, and for the last couple of years, I have been the sole means of support for my family. Yet, I have always teetered near that edge.

I am now one paycheck away from insolvency. I drive an eleven year old car that has a bad transmission I cannot afford to fix. I live in one of the hottest places in America, we arre heading into summer, and the cooling system in my house just went on the fritz. If I keep talking I will undoubtedly trigger another response in myself.

I guess I am saying, I understand, my wolfie brother.

I really like the signature you have, especially, "You are doing better than you think, you are."

Peace,
James/Jamie
 
John, your tentative plans to work in private practice with foster kids ..... are you sure you aren't taking on too much? You've had your struggles of late and seem to have your plate full with your own recovery. Peace, Andrew
 
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