Working for my Perp

Working for my Perp
O

onlyakid

My mom wants me to work for my brother who is also my perp. I'm currently working at a computer store repairing PCs. Currently due to my bouts of depression, I'm having to dip into my inhertiance to make ends meet because I'm paid hourly. However if I can get myself to work daily I can make ends meet. My brother has a web based business on the side which involves programming. My mom thinks I can learn it, and my brother does too. But there are 2 problems

1. Even though I "get along" with my brother (aka my perp) and we have a "normal" relationship, he is still my perp and I think working with him and having him have control over me again is a bad idea. I did work for him another time for a different business and it didn't go well. This was before I recognized what happened as abuse.

2. I'm having enough trouble getting myself to my primary job and keeping my house straight. I don't need anything complicated right now.

I guess I wanted to atleast be able to tell my mom, I talked to fellow surivivors and heres what they thought (I won't mention any names). So whats your take on this. Any advice on bringing this up to my mom would be appreciated as well if you have it.

Jason
 
Hi Jason,

My first reaction is a big no, no and no again. If he had really taken responsibility for what he did and had really changed it might not be so damaging for you. Working with family members has many pitfalls even when the relationships are good. Giving him that kind of power over you would be dangerous for your own well-being. My own feeling about my family and any incest family is to get as far away as possible from them until you are really able to stand up to them. No one is better at sending me right back to feeling like a bad frightened kid as my family.

It may be hard to tell your mum, if she is very pushy about it you could tell her the truth, if thats too difficult or she would give you a hard time about it feel free to make up any lies or excuses that you can think of. Your own rights come before any obligation to tell her the truth.

Take care,

Rustam.
 
My thoughts on it mirrors Rustam's. You are already suffering depression, will working for your brother intensify the feelings regarding the abuse and the depression?

As you probably already know, my first two perps were my bosses. Three it you include the sexual harassment by my supervisor (also friend of my second perp). That one sent me spiralling into a deep depression that left me homeless.
 
I have to agree with Rustam and Bill. My Father and mother never sexually abused me, but my did physicaly abused me and both of my parents new about the sexual abuse and let it continue, for their personal gain. I can say hi but even that takes a toll on me, let alone talking on the phone to hear merry christmas or some bull shit. Even when I'm ok and think I can handle it and see or talk to them- I wish I hadn't. I end up shuting down, being depressed and etc., I finally had to realize that I'm not as strong as I think I am. Sorry about the ramble. I just agree with Rustam and Bill. -Dude
 
jtt,

i would have to agree with the common thoughts so far that this probably wont be a good idea, especially because you are already dealing with depression. I can relate somewhat to your situation, as my brother was also my perp, and he has also brought up some business ideas with me as well. His business ideas would not put me ina position where I'd be working for him, but rather alongside him i guess. I'm in the mortgage business and he's in construction, and he wants for us to start buying up and rehabing properties... sure sounds good as an idea, but working closely and having to rely on him is just something i am very very uncomfortable with. I still also have a "normal" relationship with my bro/perp, but taking it too much further than that before I have a chance to heal more, and work towards a confrontation just makes me really nervous. I have not brought my abuse up to anyone in my family yet either, so I dont really have any advice as to how to appoach that, but I wish you all the luck in the world if thats what you choose to do... just make sure that you take care of yourself, and do whats best for yourself, not for anyone else.

peace,
cpt.
 
Jason, I also dont think it is a good idea to work with him.
I would never work for my, older brother who was a mental abuser, to my other brother and sister, and of course myself.
I avoid him at all costs anyhow.
Are there no agencies that can fit you to the type of work you are looking for?
I know what you are going through buddy, I have been on the bottom myself a few times, I just hope you can find something.

take care,

ste
 
Well, my mom was over to help put up some blinds and curtains in my apartment. We got into a fight because I wasn't doing anything about working for my brother. We got into talking about the me not doing anything productive in general. She asks what have you done all week. I reply "Well I haven't tried to kill myself". I love it, she doesn't understand so I got fed up and threw the gravity of the situation in her face. I told her that I didn't really have sucidial thoughts but I was very depressed.

All in all, I think she understands a LITTLE more what the deal is. However I figured out I still have trouble bringing up the subject of my brother abusing me with her.

Jason
 
I can't imagine even the thought of working with my bro/perp. We get along on the surface...as long as we are in safe and controlled situtions (the rest of the family around). I had to borrow some money from him last year (myu house was full of mold that ihad to take care of and of course the insurance wasn't there for me), and it threw me into a long and hard depression. So why would you - or I or anyone - want to volunarily put ourselves in any relationship with our bors/perps except what it takes to be civil with the family. I say tell your mom you can't do it, and find another way to make ends meet. Even eating into your inheritance isn't as bad as working with him might be!
 
My brother and my parents have been my physical abusers. After avoiding their contact for years now I am beginning to reattach myself to them. Only to realise that they are human beings like me, with frailties like me.

Having said that I dont let them get away with any thing I dont like. Moreover, they also keep me on my toes to heal my vulnerable points, which they are genetically designed to trigger.

I no longer look for their approval, so their disapproval doesnt make any difference.
 
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