I appreciate what you're saying, Jay, and I actually agree. I suppose I didn't make what I was trying to say very clear. I wasn't trying to say that I think that all women are bad, but that sometimes I just don't feel like joining in this day of celebration... yet, I also feel as though if I don't, I might be labeled a bad guy. At this point in my recovery, I don't feel that doing all the work, and the reading and such that my feminist friends think I should be doing, is actually going to help me. At this point, I am barely beginning to help myself... so I'm afraid I can't be there or provide support or resources to women's causes. I've made the mistake of bringing this point up, before, with various feminists that I know (whether it had to do with women's day or not), and basically just got privilege-called, and so-forth.
Personally, I don't think male survivors of female abusers should have anything expected of them in this regard. I respect women, and in my immediate life, I'll treat them as equals, as so long as they treat me with dignity and respect, as well. But I'm not going to do anything else for them. Getting my own needs met, at this moment, is hard enough... I can't help women to get their's met, and meet mine at the same time.
My white-male privilege is not an endless flow of advantages that I'm able to simply pass-out to non-white non-males... I actually have very little to go on, right now. In fact, I'm pretty much running on empty. So I'm going to just focus on getting my own needs met, and, hopefully, won't be called out as not doing enough for women. I've had other male friends of mine called out, and I've been called out myself, as being unsupportive... this kind of "activism" or call-out culture is still really common where I use to live, in East Vancouver (East Van is kinda similar to Portland). It's one of the reasons I moved away from there... I found it really alienating, and ended up being ostracized by members of my own community for not allying myself with the local radical-feminist constabulary.
I suppose that's another thing... my experiences with that special brand of feminism, especially in Vancouver, left me not just feeling bitter, but actually re-traumatized. Many women who I considered peers and fellow activists began to argue with me when I began to open up about my experience of abuse. I won't go into detail about the contents of those arguments, but I can only describe their side of it as toxic. It really turned me off from feminism, and from things like Women's Day.
I think, for now, I'm just going to stick to my policy of keeping my distance from all of that, a well as Women's Day stuff, and just focus on my own issues and needs.