Without my neighbor I am just alone in the world

Without my neighbor I am just alone in the world
K

klibs

Registrant
I can't deal with all of this stupid stress lately. I think I have made some poor mistakes on my part. My dad is really depressed now and I have no mom left, feels like I have no parents at all now. No one in the world by my side. Sometimes when I think about it all, I think that I really wish my neighbor was here. Maybe like how it used to be when I first met him I would go over to his house and just talk about everything that was going on. Even when he hurt me at least someone was there for me. I feel like no one wants me anymore.

I really regret telling my dad about what my neighbor did. Maybe I just wasn't ready to tell and I told at a time when I was not thinking clearly. I shouldn't have told. I can't even think about going to trial if it comes to that. I really, really want to tell my dad right now that I just made it all up and nothing at all happened to me. My neighbor would go free and maybe he wouldn't be mad at me very much. I think I miss him or something. I never meant to tell anyone I wasn't supposed to.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I am supposed to go out with some friends of mine to see a movie. After the movie I'm supposed to meet my friend, Natasha, and do something with her. We are probably going to the mall. I've never been alone with her before. I think it's kind of weird. I'm really scared to do that. I thought about canceling because maybe I am not supposed to do that with her. She probably doesn't like me and is just trying to be nice because it is my birthday.

I just really feel alone in the world. Even though there are a lot of guys on here. Maybe I don't really belong here....
 
Klibs,

family denial is all too familiar throughout these boards, it sucks and just makes you want to crawl into the ground or hide.

Loneliness, yes, I felt so much alone today, but why?
It is what we expected all along, for nobody to love us for who we are.

I am lucky to have what I do have I guess, but there is a gaping hole in all my life, does that sound so familiar, I guess the answer is yes.

Take this girl out, she must like you loads, and if you dont, you will be more lonely in thinking you knocked back someone to talk to.

That neighbor just took what he wanted and was never a true friend.
He was the one who hurt you, right!

Dont block yourself from the world, the world needs so much people like yourself.
Dont walk out on the world, try to get back in,

ste
 
Klibs,

I understand what you are saying, but your neighbor was a false friend. That's part of what abusers do. They look for lonely hurting boys and befriend them, drawing them closer and showing them affection and attention. That makes the boy feel wanted and important, and that wasn't your fault. All young people need to feel wanted and important, like they count in the world. Then, as the boy becomes dependent on the adult, the affection the adult shows becomes sexual.

A lot of times it is so cleverly done the boy doesn't realize he is being used and tricked. Again, that isn't your fault. You are supposed to be safe and adults are meant to keep you safe, not help themselves.

If you want to see what bastards abusers are Klibs, think of this for a moment. Most abusers go from boy to boy. As the boys get older, the abusers throw them aside and go back to search for younger ones all over again. The abuser who got me, for example, hurt at least 5 other boys in my Scout troop, and probably more that I don't know about. Some abusers chase victims all their lives and hurt hundreds of boys. So many of those boys would feel as you do...that it was nice to get the attention and have someone to talk to. But that was just an act, a cruel act with another purpose behind it.

Klibs, I can also tell you from my experience that it often happens that a boy feels as you do once it's all over. When the man who hurt me for four years was chased away, I felt terrible. I missed him and thought he was rejecting and abandoning me. I wondered had I been bad or what? I didn't feel saved, even though what he did to me was cruel and sadistic beyond imagining.

On Natasha, it's great that you will go to see a film and then maybe hang out at the mall. That should be a lot of fun. Enjoy your birthday. But don't feel that you have to do other things that would make you uncomfortable. How far you go is up to both of you. You don't have to prove anything, not to ANYONE. If you are not ready, you can just say so. You don't have to say why. Just stress that you really like her but you aren't ready yet. I bet she will respect you for that.

And above all else, don't give up. I know dealing with all this is difficult, but you CAN do it. It does take time, yes. But you will never be alone.

Much love,
Larry
 
I'm having a hard time thinking that my neighbor could be someone so mean like that......... even though he was mean sometimes I still think he was human and he loved me. I don't know. I'm sorry.
 
Klibs,

First of all, you have said nothing to be sorry for. ALWAYS be honest with yourself and say exactly how you feel.

I can well imagine that it's difficult to imagine how things were and what was really going on bro. It never occurred to me that the man who abused me might have been busy with other boys, until one day he got my best friend and I together with him alone in his house. When he wanted one of us to do something and we hesitated, he would simply threaten to hurt the other one. It also never occurred to me, even then, that he might be abusing other boys. It has only been within the past two years that I discovered that he had abused so many other boys, friends of mine who had no idea they were in such danger.

When a boy doesn't see this or understand it, or if the idea confuses him, that just shows how clever abusers can be. The simple fact is this. Adults don't express their love for the boy next door by tricking him into sex.

Much love,
Larry
 
Happy Birthday!!!

Your perp didn't love you. He pretended to be nice to you so he could take advantage of you. If he really cared about you he wouldn't have hurt you. Don't waste your tears worrying about him.

Don't take back your statement. My perp is insane and won't plead guilty but the DA said about 70% of sex abuse cases he deals with are settled with a plea bargin. I hope your perp pleads and saves you from testifying.
 
Klibs,

Damn! Bill beat me to it. ;) Happy Birthday and have a really good time today. Just be yourself and remember, you have nothing to prove.

Much love,
Larry
 
Hi Klibs,

Hey, Happy Birthday to you :) Have fun with your friends at the movie, and take Natasha to the mall and get her something she'll like if you can. Don't think that you have to do anything other than hang out. Just enjoy being with another person, and see how things go.

Lots of love,

John
 
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