On another note, could someone explain more about what it means to "depersonalize" as opposed to dissociate.
JM, I was just looking into this yesterday, tho I can't remember why, if it was for this site or not
(no that's not dissociation, that's fibrofog
!)
Anyhoo sites I checked indicate depersonalization disorder is actually one of several dissociative disorders, a kind of dissociation. Here's what one link, https://www.nami.org/helpline/dissoc.htm says in summary:
"Depersonalization disorder is marked by a feeling of detachment or distance from one's own experience, body, or self. These feelings of depersonalization are recurrent. Of the dissociative disorders, depersonalization is the one most easily identified with by the general public; one can easily relate to feeling as they in a dream, or being "spaced out." Feeling out of control of one's actions and movements is something that people describe when intoxicated. An individual with depersonalization disorder has this experience so frequently and so severely that it interrupts his or her functioning and experience. A person's experience with depersonalization can be so severe that he or she believes the external world is unreal or distorted."
I'm just realizing this is a lot of what I did with my abuse. I had the memories so it wasn't dissociative amnesia. I simply could not connect them to myself. They were news stories, they happened to someone else.
"In a dream, spaced out"--oh yeah! Guess that's why I so easily dropped drugs & alcohol--I didn't need them to get "stoned!"
Ever had one of those freaky moments when you're like half asleep and you come out of your body & look down on yourself and say "Who the heck is that?" I have.
I've even had those times the world seemed unreal or at least very distorted, like I wasn't in it, didn't belong in it. Anyone else ever have that? Damn that really weirds you, especially when you have no clue why it's happening, what's behind it...
Fortunately that hasn't happened too often...
Other forms of dissociation include:
"Dissociative amnesia: This disorder is characterized by a blocking out of critical personal information, usually of a traumatic or stressful nature. Dissociative amnesia, unlike other types of amnesia, does not result from other medical trauma (e.g. a blow to the head). Dissociative amnesia has several subtypes:
Localized amnesia is present in an individual who has no memory of specific events that took place, usually traumatic. The loss of memory is localized with a specific window of time. For example, a survivor of a car wreck who has no memory of the experience until two days later is experiencing localized amnesia.
Selective amnesia happens when a person can recall only small parts of events that took place in a defined period of time. For example, an abuse victim may recall only some parts of the series of events around the abuse.
Generalized amnesia is diagnosed when a person's amnesia encompasses his or her entire life.
Systematized amnesia is characterized by a loss of memory for a specific category of information. A person with this disorder might, for example, be missing all memories about one specific family member."
This is the dissociative order, from what I've seen & my own experience, that is the most common among CSA survivors, particularly the first two kinds. We tend to dissociate from our abuse & the very memory of it to varied degrees & extremes.
Sometimes the extreme goes to some degree of:
"Dissociative identity disorder (DID), which has been known as multiple personality disorder, is the most famous of the dissociative disorders. An individual suffering from DID has more than one distinct identity or personality state that surfaces in the individual on a recurring basis. This disorder is also marked by differences in memory which vary with the individual's "alters," or other personalities."
No dx (diagnosis) but sometimes I sure feel like different people inside, fighting with each other...
Here is another DD also given notoriety by movies:
"Dissociative fugue is a rare disorder. An individual with dissociative fugue suddenly and unexpectedly takes physical leave of his or her surroundings and sets off on a journey of some kind. These journeys can last hours, or even several days or months. Individuals experiencing a dissociative fugue have traveled over thousands of miles. An individual in a fugue state is unaware of or confused about his identity, and in some cases will assume a new identity (although this is the exception)."
Some of us, like myself, may have done this sometimes while driving for instance, usually for brief periods of time. In my case, I seem to have full faculties about me; at least I've never had an accident when this has happened. Still trying to notice when it happens if I see anything that may trigger an old feeling or memory or something in me related to abuse...
Then of course there's the DDNOS or...
Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified.
"DDNOS is a diagnostic category ascribed to patients with dissociative symptoms that do not meet the full criteria for a specific dissociative disorder."
Sorry JM TMI (Too Much Information?), maybe I got carried away there? After all I do also have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)...
Hope some of this helps. Take care JM.
Victor
