Why?

Because we just started speaking up. Women have been speaking up about their abuse for decades now and people are only just now generally believing that it happens. We have many years to go.
 
I'm beginning to read Judith Herman's book Trauma and Recovery published in 1992. She'd worked with women who'd been sexually abused and writes from what she describes as a feminist perspective. As she speaks about trauma the times men come into the picture is when they've gone off to war and been traumatized by the horror of it all. With regard to sexual abuse she invariably talks about "she." But I realized as I read this that without those first efforts to raise the specter of child sexual abuse of girls we probably never would have gotten to the place we are today when, at last, there is attention being given to boys and young men. It is still true that abuse of boys by women is discounted through a variety of rationalizations, but that will doubtless change with time. Part of that comes from men talking about their experience on Male Survivor and elsewhere. Does anyone doubt that women who were sexually abused themselves might have distorted feelings about sex that might carry over in their treatment of their sons? I don't know my mother was sexually abused, but what world would have a mother stimulating her son's genitals? It is recognizing that children who have been sexually abused become "sexualized" which leads to play becoming focused on sexual activities. Sexual experience is taken toward compulsivity. It certainly did for me and I wouldn't be surprised the same things happen for girls... but girls are typically the ones called upon to change diapers. Sadly, sexual abuse ends up coloring much of our lives in ways that are quite surprising. We're all here hoping to understand and to recover our innate aliveness. I wish us all well.
 
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I was never molested by a female, but I hear you loud and clear. I am angry that it is not taken as seriously as you say. That is wrong and those victims need all of our support because abuse is abuse is abuse.
 

Brennan87

Registrant
I agree with Strangeways. If we think back to our own situation, I think all of us blamed ourselves for the abuse. Led him/them on, wanted it, etc. So add to that the societal perception that a man's man, can't be raped and we remain silent. For some it goes even further and we told but weren't believed and/or nothing was done. Women face similar barriers, but as the "fairer" sex, its more socially acceptable that a man would abuse a woman. Than a man abusing another man or female abusing a man. IMO
 

MACH123

Registrant
I'm beginning to read Judith Herman's book Trauma and Recovery published in 1992. She'd worked with women who'd been sexually abused and writes from what she describes as a feminist perspective. As she speaks about trauma the times men come into the picture is when they've gone off to war and been traumatized by the horror of it all. With regard to sexual abuse she invariably talks about "she." But I realized as I read this that without those first efforts to raise the specter of child sexual abuse of girls we probably never would have gotten to the place we are today when, at last, there is attention being given to boys and young men. It is still true that abuse of boys by women is discounted through a variety of rationalizations, but that will doubtless change with time. Part of that comes from men talking about their experience on Male Survivor and elsewhere. Does anyone doubt that women who were sexually abused themselves might have distorted feelings about sex that might carry over in their treatment of their sons? I don't know my mother was sexually abused, but what world would have a mother stimulating his son's genitals? It is recognizing that children who have been sexually abused become "sexualized" which leads to play becoming focused on sexual activities. Sexual experience is taken toward compulsivity. It certainly did for me and I wouldn't be surprised the same things happen for girls... but girls are typically the ones called upon to change diapers. Sadly, sexual abuse ends up coloring much of our lives in ways that are quite surprising. We're all here hoping to understand and to recover our innate aliveness. I wish us all well.
"children who have been sexually abused become sexualized, play becomes focused on sexual activities".

I can't say anything about that except I appreciate hearing it said like that.

The gender thing is just better if you take gender out. Anyone can be abused by anyone. Just like women can be a dominant or a top. But statistics still work and the numbers are just much lower because women tend to be submissive.

And the social pressure for girls to be girls and boys to be boys. But "girls will be boys and boys will be girls."
 
Sexual trauma definitely bends genders MACH, as well as sexual orientation. We try to make sense of it all and each come to our own formulation... that which is comforting to feel and believe. There really is no "one size fits all" in this experience, only that which enables us to inhabit our bodies without shame. Beyond that it is all about consenting adults. What two or more people do together, if done without coercion is their business and no one else's.
 

John67

Registrant
Why people don't take male victims of female abuse as serious as they take female victims?
I think a lot of it has to do with people who haven't experienced it thinking it's some kind of fantasy come true, the older woman teaching the young man, etc.

I didn't even realize until 30 years after the fact the impact it had on me. A woman in her 40's on my paper route used to answer her door bottomless every Friday from the time I was 13 until I was 17. Every week she would hug me and make sure that I knew she was aware that I was aroused. Eventually she didn't even pretend it was an accident, she would just grope my crotch and smile.

It didn't strike me just how wrong it was until my therapist asked what I would do to a man in his 40's who exposed himself to my 13 year old daughter and groped her. Every Saturday morning I would see her husband and would be ashamed because I had been looking at his wife's genitals and she had been grabbing mine the day before. Didn't click with me that I wasn't the one who should be ashamed.
 

Mets86Fan

Registrant
I feel like men are cannon fodder for the most part. We work until we die except for the few that make it beyond that. It has taken a lot of spiritual work see myself beyond that.
 
i've noticed that gay guys abused by men often don't get recognized as victims either, especially if they were teenagers & older when the abuse happened
 

Ceremony

Moderator
Staff member
This thread is now closed to further comments. The author is not registered as a survivor of sexual abuse, and did not follow the proper procedures for beginning a thread such as this, which is against the the Guidelines. I furthermore suggest there be no contact with this user. Moderator action is pending.
 
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Dewey2k

Moderator
Staff member
This thread has been reopened. Please keep in mind the thread originator is not a survivor, and should not be engaged as such.

Dewey2k for the ModTeam
 
Thank you, ModTeam. I feel like this has been a very thoughtful and interesting discussion, regardless of who asked the question and why it was asked.

Many different opinions here, and all very well reasoned and thought out.
 
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