why!?!?!

why!?!?!
K

kniob

Registrant
Why did I ever talk about what happened to me. I can't stop shakeing. I think people are looking at me diffrently. My class friends still don't know which is the best thing. But oh on forums Im becoming more inclined to share it. how did I ever get so stupid. Maybe I should just go back into denial and try to cover it all back up and just learn to deal with it.
Im so freaking confused.
I need advice so bad right now.
 
I did not face this thing until my life fell apart, my wife had an affair because the wall I installed would not let me love her or let her love me, I had a child and I could not love her like a father because of the fear of her hurting me. I would say that starting out early in your life is a lot better than waiting until you are married, the people in class will fade away when you are in you are 40, they will not seem so important, your wife your children will be your only concern. Don't let what others think of you make you stop your recovery, by the way you did not bring this on yourself it happenned to you. If anything your classmates if they are truly friends should want to help you through this process, don't give up, don't stop thinking you are a great person, you have done nothing wrong and you deserve the best in life and what you think others think of you is not your life in a nutshell, your life is what you think, what you do, only you can make the decisions that will affect your life, not what you think others think about what happenned to you. Hang in there, I wish I would have gotten to this point when I was younger. The quicker the better because the longer you go the more things that you will have to look back and wish you would have done things differently, the more people you affect, I could go on forever about the mess that not knowing and not working on the recovery caused to my life and my family. I am happy that you know and are working on it, I am happy that you are here talking about it. I lived for 20 years after the molestation without having a clue that I had a problem, anxiety, depression, failed relationships, poor decisions, I wish I would have know sooner. I can tell you what I think would be the best thing if I were in your situation, a good therapist, a good friend, supportive parents.

Don't give up the fight,
 
Noib, I feel that I neglected to tell you something important. What you are feeling is normal, I rambled on about how I thought you should be happy you are facing this thing but I did not mention that what you are going through is very normal, and that is important to know. I am going through a lot of it myself, thinking that it would have been easier to just stay right were I was without telling others or facing the truth because of the pain we have to face, but I am telling you that it feels like it would be easier and it may seem that way now but don't stop if you can help it. Take a break if you have to but keep up the good work. Once you get over this hump there will be more discovery and more problems but I promise you it is worth the battle. I apologize for the first post, I was thinking about some things going on in my life and vented it out. I hope this helps.
 
thank you John,
It does help. Its ok to vent. I do have at least 1 good friend. I also have a supportive parent. I guess I need to lok at the good things in life more. I was just stressed because I have a feeling that I have less control about who I tell. Im sorry if i sounded like I was at the edge I'm not I was just feeling like my self controal was falling apart. Thank you for your advice. It really has helped.
 
you had to talk about it dude its something that just happens you reach a point where you can't keep it inside any longer.shadow
 
Kniob, just know that we are here for you. It helps me get through the rough times just knowing I can talk to you and all the great people here on this site and if we help each other out then life is good. It makes my day to be able to help someone when they are down, you will do the same for me and on and on throughout this life of surviving. I wish we could term it conquered or finished because I don't want to be labled as if I am having to deal with it daily surviving is a forever term in a way. I am just rambling pay me no attention. I know that I will one day be complete with no lable I just am and that is all there is to it.
 
Sounds like you've talked about it at a young age, compared to most of us here. That can only be a good thing. May not feel like it, but it is!

Best wishes ,...Rik
 
Shadow, John, Rick,
Shadow your right its hard to keep it in anymore in fact it hurts. I wish I could tell my class mates but they are not so kind.
John it makes me glad that I can help you guys as you guys help me. :)
Rick it might be a good thing but your right when you say that it doesn't feel like it is. In fact It feels like (insert swear word that rhymes with "rap").

Thanks
 
kniob,

There are a few things in your first post I wanted to talk to you about.

It's very common for a guy in school to think that his friends and others can tell what happened, or they "know" somehow, as if he has a sign on him. But that's just a feeling bro. You are being hypervigilant and watching for signs that people know, but it's very unlikely they do.

On whether to talk or deny everything, that one is easy. The only way to recover and get past all this is to talk about it and deal with the issues. Denial isn't the answer. All the problems keep festering and they appear in various ways in your life and can become very difficult.

Recovery from abuse isn't easy, but it sure is better than trying to just forget it and get over it. That never works.

Much love,
Larry
 
Set your own pace. Denial is a strong force to break. Denial will continue to try to provide you safety from the things it blinded you to. Even when I reached a point where I said "no more denial," it was still right around the corner. I got mad at denial, but that didn't get it to go away. Denial still tries to convince me to look away from the truth. Even as I begin to feel better and safer, denial still says, "forget about it." In short my advice for you is that it is hard to accept your own denial, to expect others to accept it is even harder. Get comfortable with your denial, it was there to protect you, but I don't think you need to go back into it completeley. Just go as slow or fast as you want straight threw the denial. This is easier said than done, but you can begin to make your own desiscions when disclosing such as who you tell and how you feel about whom you've told. I have found that many people don't believe or accept that abuse in all forms can cause lasting and substantial psychological, spiritual and emotional damage. Some of my closest friends have said things that really hurt when they found out about my past. They weren't being mean; they just were in their own denial and discomfort about recieving painful information from a close friend. It sounds like you are being brave and are getting your story out there. Just be careful about telling people that you feel may hurt you or not believe your pain to be real, they will just reinforce your own denial. Its huge that you have found this place and like others I recommend therapy if at all possible.
 
Zach,

It's OK to say these things here. I lived in fear for so long when I was a kid that no one would believe me, or if I did talk I would be put down or made fun of.

It's good you feel there at least a couple of people in your life that you can trust. Go your own pace in talking. Make sure you take care of you, and remember that we here care and can support you along the way.

Keep up your courage, my friend.

Safe hugs,

John
 
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