Why Would Anyone Say A Victim is a Liar

[sorryson]

I have been troubled since I recently learned Mama was told by Dad of his sexual abuse years ago. She conferred with her family and it seems they said he was a liar. Why would anyone not believe a person who was sexually abused as a child. I am a survivor and my wife and family believed me, except maybe a few of Mama's family. Anyone have any ideas why people do not believe a victim/suvivor?

Also after learning of someone's being a victim who is suffering years later as they try to come to terms, why would anyone ill treat the survivor?

I am struggling to understand how anyone could label a victim a lliar and then go on to il treat him and make his life a living hell as he struggled with the abuse.

 

[Strive 38/11]

Denial is the second most powerful force in the universe. Not believing is not acknowledging and that's the shortest route to not having responsibility that comes with ownership of the fact. Family too mum would turn in her grave that I'm disclosing her mum's dad was born of an "unholy" union.

 

[victor-victim]

Why Would Anyone Say A Victim is a Liar?

Sometimes people hold a core belief that is very strong. When they are presented with evidence that works against that belief, the new evidence cannot be accepted. It would create a feeling that is extremely uncomfortable, called cognitive dissonance. And because it is so important to protect the core belief, they will rationalize, ignore and even deny anything that doesn't fit in with the core belief.
~ Frantz Fanon

There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all argument, and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance. This principle is, contempt prior to examination.
~ William H. Poole

Condemnation prior to investigation is the highest form of ignorance.
~ Herbert Spencer

 

[KMCINVA]

Paul very good question. Victor great response. I learned from a wise person people are ignorant because they fail to update their knowledge when presented with new facts, they hold onto the old. I have witnessed this with trauma, medical professionals who fail to update their knowledge of trauma despite the growing studies and information that is available. I also experienced first hand the sense of being a "liar" about the abuse, not only in words but how I was treated.To brand someone a liar can be expressed in words and actions. But their words have little value in this aspect of my life today.

The words or treatment that implies we do not believe the victim is the worse that a victim can experience. It can destroy the victims life and will to live. Fortunately I met those who could believe and were willing to open their minds about trauma, if not I have no idea where I would be today.

Ignorance is bliss and it is destructive. Paul I am sorry you are dealing with this new information but it was the reality of the situation. It led to where your family is today. Facing it is the only way to heal. I know how your father must have felt when he asked for help and when he told the response he received.

Victor your quotes are so true and to the point of why people lie. People who deny new facts and information to hold onto old beliefs are being deceptive to themselves and the truth.

One of my favorite quotes on ignorance from Benjamin Franklin

We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.

 

[victor-victim]

The hardest thing to explain is the glaringly evident which everybody has decided not to see.
~ Ayn Rand

Most men, including those at ease with problems of the greatest complexity, can seldom accept even the simplest and most obvious truth if it be such as would oblige them to admit the falsity of conclusions which they have delighted in explaining to colleagues, which they have proudly taught to others, and which they have woven, thread by thread, into the fabric of their lives.
~ Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy

The sin which is unpardonable is knowingly and willfully to reject truth, to fear knowledge lest that knowledge pander not to thy prejudices.
~ Aleister Crowley

The more you can escape from how horrible things really are, the less it's going to bother you... and then, the worse things get.
~ Frank Zappa

 

[KMCINVA]

I like the Frank Zappa quote because it is what I did for a lifetime. I tried to escape and bury the emotions of the abuse but life only got worse. Trying to escape the past without facing the past only leads to a lifetime of pain and hurt.