Why the Sadness?

Why the Sadness?
K

kniob

Registrant
Lately it feels like Im always on the verge of crying but I can't bring myself to physically do just that. It feels like its eating me from the inside out. Im worried that it might happen in the middle of class (I would never live that down). Im still waiting to here form this counselor on to what is going to happen. What am I to do? Any ideas?
 
Zach,

I'm probably not a very good person to try to answer this question because I have come to the place in my life that I don't care when or where I cry. I do it every day some place. One place or time is just as ok as any other. However, 18 years of age for me was 34 years ago. I can remember feeling that way, and I can also remember crying in the hall by my locker. Don't remember what about, but there was one kid there that called out, "Look, the pussy cat is crying. Purr pussy cat and we'll pet you." Not one person offered support, just laughter.

Zach, All I can suggest is that you try to find some way to vent. Look for a way to get the emotion out in a safe place. Journaling has worked for me. It is a way that you can say what you need to and just delete it if that is what you want to do. Post it here if that helps. Talk to a friend.

I know first hand how cruel other kids can be. So my thoughts are with you, and I am willing to listen.

Hang in there my friend, you are worth the effort you spend on yourself.

Darrel
 
Darrel,

Thank you for answering my post. I feel like I'm dumping this on you guys. I have so many problems and this forum is really helping with them. I'm glad I'm not alone, but at the same time it saddens me to know that this has happened to others. One of my greatest fears will be that he will see this and he will come to kill me.

Thank You
 
Zach,

This is exactly the place to dump. We'll listen and we'll understand because we too, have been where you are.

You are right. It is very saddening to know that this has happened to so many others. Your mention of fear that "he" will see this and kill you is also very common among those of us who have begun this path toward wholeness. I was threatened with death by one of the perps who got to me, so I too understand that feeling you have.

Please know that this place is moderated with safety in mind. Should you ever feel uncomfortable with anything that happens here, don't hesitate to contact a mod, or report it using the "report post" option on every post.

And you are welcome, Zach.

Lots of love,

John
 
Zach,

You aren't dumping at all. You are expressing how you feel and this is something we all need to do. The sadness is part of that process of letting things out.

Many boys felt like their lives were in danger when they were being abused, so it's not surprising that you still have this fear now. But most abusers are cowards - how else would you describe a man who preys on kids?

You ask about what you should do. I guess you mean what should you do when you see a counselor.

First, it will be normal if you feel very nervous. Just remember that the counselor is a pro and is accustomed to this feeling from new poeple who come in. Probably the counselor won't even ask direct personal questions relating to abuse at first. The counselor will know that the most important thing is to make you feel comfortable and to gain your trust. It will also be important that you feel safe, so if a subject or question comes up and you don't feel you can go there right now, just say so.

I hope you keep coming back with your questions. We will all be willing to share with you and talk with you here.

Much love,
Larry
 
John,

I know he is a coward, but the only reason I fear him is because I know that he wouldn't have a problem killing me. He is a psychopath and he has no remorse for anything he has done. I once saw him nail a live squirrel to a piece of wood after that I knew he had no conscience.

Thanks

----------------

Larry,

Actually When I said "What am I to do? Any ideas?" I was asking about how not to start crying in school, however I guess I didn't make that clear. Thank you for the info on shrinks though.

This trusting shrinks has also gotten me nervous about going to them with my problems. I have had confidential type issues with shrinks. I know they are immoral because they speak about me in the 3rd person to their other clients. I know I can't sue them for that but it still sets me back more then it helps. As the stuff they tell is less hurtful then this issue then how am I supposed to trust them with something thats bigger?

Thanks
 
Kniob,

This is the place for you to post whatever and whenever you want. Don't you ever worry about that, OK? You are not alone anymore.

I think the reason for your sadness is because you have suffered such a terrible loss and are beginning to realize the depth of the betrayal by this predator.

What I hope encourages you is that you have started on the road to recovery at an early age and that is just great for you! I can tell you from personal experience that recovery is indeed possible. It's a whole lot of work and there may be times when you may want to chuck it all because it's too darn hard but believe me when I say that it is worth it. You are worth it. Sometimes that's the hardest part to believe.

Post away and welcome to MS. I'm glad you found us.

Regards,

Zipser
 
Knoib, I thought the guy who molested me would come and kill me if I told on him. I waited two weeks before I told my father what happenned. I lived for years worrying about him coming after me and I was nine at the time so I really had a lot of fear about this. I know where you are coming from. Welcome aboard MS, the guys here are great. By the way I love your statement.


"I stand proud that the boy so badly damaged managed to get me this far and I will honor him and myself for being a survivor." - A member

I remember my T telling me to go back to the day, the second before the molestation and remember that child. When I did it I realized that I was a great kid, and then he said you are still that great kid, you were side tracked and you just need a little help getting back to being that great kid again, and so my journey began and I love it.
 
Thank you zipser and John Oarc. for these posts I will keep them in mind through out my road to recovery. Oh BTW when My school counselor found out I guess she hit the panic button I hope they don't put me in a psych ward because I had tried to kill myself (past tense) after the molestation happened, i think that would freak me out and I dont know if I can take that, I would probably shut down and be back at square one. I dont want that to happen.
 
Kniob, I went through a period of crying. Still do sometimes. I blamed it on the medicine I was taking, although I don't know if that was the case or not. I'm a choir director, and right in the middle of the anthem on Sunday morning, tears would start running down my cheeks (believe me, some Sundays the anthem wasn't that good) for seemingly no reason at all. I couldn't figure it out, except that it was pretty soon after I started getting my memories back. I just told the choir that it was because of the medicine I was taking and not to worry about it. They seemed to accept it. That was fine, except that I did it a couple of times while leading the congregation in singing. I just had to stop and cry....not for long periods...I was pretty good at getting it together quickly....but the embarrassment was still there. I thought that trying to explain it was impossible, since I didn't understand it myself, and so I didn't. No one asked, but I'm sure they wondered. Probably just think I'm a very sensitive person. I still don't understand why this happens. It just sort of comes out of the blue sometimes. What I do now, when I feel it coming on is dig my fingernails into the fatty part of my palms under my thumbs. It helps me stop that thing going on in my head that I know is going to end up in tears. If I'm going into a situation in which I have cried before, I get ready for it before I get there. When I have to sing for a funeral, I have to bring out my full arsenal, digging fingernails, curled toes, anything to take my mind off things...and that's when I don't even know the person who's being buried. Before all of this started, I was never like this, but I've had to learn to live with it. Pretending that you have an allergy is also a good one. Just carry a handkerchief. You can wipe your eyes and complain about all of that pollen. (I live in Arizona....we can do that year-round.)

Now, I guess when I am totally finished with my healing process, I'll just let the tears roll and, if people want to know why I'm crying they can ask. I probably won't know anyway.

Hope some of this helps, Knoib. If not, at least it might help to know that there are several of us out there who have had to wonder when the next tears are going to flow and just what to do about it. Bobby
 
Zach,

Aha, I see what you mean. It was me who misread the thrust of your post.

One thing you might consider is that guys have a tendency to bottle up their emotions and not let them out EVER. It's too uncool, guys aren't supposed to cry or say how they really feel, blah blah blah. I can remember dreading going to school: would I cry in a class, who I just freak out, can anyone tell what's happening to me? I especially hated phys. ed.: we had to change in front of each other and shower afterwards, and I felt so obvious and ashamed of my body. The emotions were just pouring through me.

The problem is, Zach, that these emotions have to find some outlet. If you don't ALLOW them a way out, they will FIND one on their own, sometimes bursting out in embarrassing or unhealthy ways.

Have you thought of any ways you might let out your feelings in other contexts? For example, safe family members you can talk to, a trusted friend, a safe teacher or religious advisor. Or perhaps your doctor. There is also the option of letting it all out when you are alone, but I personally think that's the wrong way to do it. Crying in solitude just emphasizes how alone you are or feel.

But my point bro, is that if you fear crying in a class, it's probably because your tears don't have an outlet apart from just bursting out wherever and whenever they can.

It's okay for a guy to cry. Everyone here will tell you that. When you cry all you are doing is admitting the horrific cruelty of what was done to you. Doing that doesn't mean you are weak, it means your are honestly and courageously facing a very painful reality. It's a major step towards healing.

Much love,
Larry
 
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