Why is it so hard to get help?

Why is it so hard to get help?
T

t.c.

Registrant
In the 25 years since the abuse began , ending when I was 14 I have yet to see the help or resources the men of sexual,physical,or mental abuse need and long for, I recently was in the hospital for suicidal thoughts triggered by my wife saying something to me in a argument, it spawned a whole tidal wave of memories and emotions that I never knew excisted. When I finally got out of the hospital with all of the paper work and so called resources, no one was there to help. The so called support groups said "We don't have enough victums at this time to have a group", like 1 isn't enough ,1 is too many to begin with , but it should have been enough for them. I brings tears of rage to my eyes to think that for all my life since the abuse the system is still not there for me or others like me. Maybe others out there can explain it to me. Am I doing something wrong, is there nothing out there for us, nothing but this stupid system of incompitent fools who leave children in the hands of an abusive father, when the evidence was plan to see? I hope someone can shed some light into this darkness that is silence. :confused: [/LIST]
 
tc,

Welcome to Male Survivor. I guess the first thing you need to know is that the way you feel is absolutely normal. It is difficult to imagine how a survivor who still feels alone and disempowered could react in any way other than, as you say, tears of rage.

You have done nothing wrong, and here you will find the beginnings of the support you need. Talk as and when you can, raise your issues, and you will find that everyone here will reach out with support and understanding. It may also be possible for people here to help you find the "real world" support you need. There is no schedule or program here; proceed at whatever pace you are comfortable with.

You are so right about "this darkness that is silence". Refusing to accept that is a big step already. There are ways forward, and here you will get a lot of help in finding them.

Take care,
Larry
 
T.C.,
You might want to email Marc Gilmartin who is a therapist who deals with Male CSA in Bellvue, WA. Don't know where you are but he might be able to help you find groups or direct you to someone who can help.

email: [email protected]
 
t.c.

Sorry you're having such a rough time of it.

Marc is one therapist who is known to us. We have others here, some are mods and one in particular is our site manager, Ken Singer.

If Marc cannot help you to locate a good therapist, you can ask Ken. Just PM him and ask him to help you find someone.

The guys here are most understanding and I hope that you find what a lot of us have found...a real club house with caring buddies.

Make yourself at home and know that we'll be here to listen, to encourage and to help you where we can.

David
 
That is very good to hear, for years I have lived with the echo's of my father in my head with no way to tell when he was in control or me, it has even affected my marriage, my wife is afraid of me, not for anything I have done, but because of things that happened to me, that now make it hard to tell if it is me or him, when I am with her physically. I am slowly finding out where he ends and I begin, but I know that the road is long and there are many more bumps that I will have to hurdle, but I am hoping that this place is also a start in the path to discovery and recovery of the child, boy, and man I wish to find and be. So thank you again for the help and support given so far.
 
TC, welcome to us here. You will find lots of great input and it will help you. Read, post, chat and do whatever you feel comfortable with.

You are so spot on with your comment:
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The so called support groups said "We don't have enough victums at this time to have a group", like 1 isn't enough ,1 is too many to begin with
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Comments like this are what it's all about. That has helped me today by validating that my abuse wasn't trivial but that ANY abuse is wrong, and as survivors we derserve to get the help we need to live fuller lives. Thankyou for joining us.
 
Thank you grunty1967b. I have posted my story ans maybe someone can get courage from it. But I fell lighter now.
 
tc hope u continue to feel better

sleep well
 
TC, one thing you wrote concerns me. you said

"my wife is afraid of me, not for anything I have done, but because of things that happened to me,"

I reminds me that real recovery when you are in a relationship invovles your spouse's recovery too. My wife has been a pillar of support for my many crises, but sometimes she wavers. she needs help too, in order to stay strong for you. I suggest that aside from going into therapy yourself, you might invove your wife in some sessions, let her have her own private sessions, any maybe seek out a support group for family of those abused.

regardless of who your perp was, you might find that the local SNAP (Survivors Network for those Abused by Priests) might have some resources for you. That is how I found my therapist and she came pre-screened by the SNAP member who recommended her. She is s trauma specialist and is worlds above my previous therapist who seemed as lost in treating me as I was lost in recovering. I hope you find someone, I hope you and your wife can heal together.
 
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