Why? -Graphic or not?-

[raffa_will_fight]

I like to understand things. Even the things that are not understandable.

Something I see sometimes come up is how survivors express themselves when exploring their thought processes during their healing journey. How the langue is sometimes very graphic and harsh. How some writing styles seem to romanticise the abuse, or even writing in third person as if they were writing a book.
And I start to understand who does need that langue, or to share intimate details, or feel offended and triggered by the rough words the read in other’s posts.

Here the question, dear brothers. Maybe it helps, keeping the discussion respectful and non judgmental, to understand each others take on writing and sharing.

How do you feel about some of the graphic descriptions of experienced abuse survivors use?
How would you describe your “writing/sharing style” and is there a reason you chose it?
When is it “too much information” for you personally?

For me writing stories has been a coping mechanism from high school on. And it filled all the hours I was by myself. Love reading and writing. And I used my (thinking back) fucked up stories to share part of me, without having anyone understand that it’s about me. Which is funny, because reading about certain kinks should have been a big red flag for adults, being the author 12
So for me here it was kind of discovering again that mechanism. I write it as if it was a story because it gives me the distance needed to look at it factually. Writing gives me time to correct some mistakes that happen when I dissociate while writing. They happen when I speak, and there is no way to correct what was said. And there langue and words I use are not even close to what I want and need to let out. And I will be more truthful to myself. Because “he touched me there”, for me, is not what I feel now had happened.

Curious to understand you all a little better.

 

[Healing light]

Writing and reading have always been interests of mine. I write more poems and songs than journaling and the likes
I find verbalising alot of things difficult the art of talking I'm not so great at I don't think

I think there's alot that impacts upon someone's writing style, choice of expression and words used
Like myself I'm always translating into English
I'm conscious of words that are regional dialect because I experienced so many growing up.
Just a couple of personal examples of many, really interesting though I think

There was one person in my life who really influenced my writing and helped foster my love of poetry and the English language

If someone's writing style triggered me or caused any distress here I use the hide content feature, I feel it's not for me to tell anyone how to express themselves

Anyway I'm rabbling on
Peace HL

 

[raffa_will_fight]

Now this, sir, was like balm for my eyes.
Am I correct to assume you are not native English speaking? Or did I misunderstand that you translate your posts and comments to English?

I am European, english I have learned by translating songs, and watching a lot of movies and shows and still do. Obviously that influenced my view on how and why use certain words. And that is exactly why, influenced by the memory of the feelings in those moments, talking about the D feels more liberating than adjust the readability of what I share by using the “appropriate” and socially accepted word.

I sincerely thank for sharing your point of view

 

[Wharf_Rat]

I wanted to fully tell my story in order to make it understood. I wanted people to know what was done to me.

I'm not bothered by graphic details in other survivors' stories. I was graphic, myself.

 

[TNpossum]

I like to understand things. Even the things that are not understandable.

Something I see sometimes come up is how survivors express themselves when exploring their thought processes during their healing journey. How the langue is sometimes very graphic and harsh. How some writing styles seem to romanticise the abuse, or even writing in third person as if they were writing a book.
And I start to understand who does need that langue, or to share intimate details, or feel offended and triggered by the rough words the read in other’s posts.

Here the question, dear brothers. Maybe it helps, keeping the discussion respectful and non judgmental, to understand each others take on writing and sharing.

How do you feel about some of the graphic descriptions of experienced abuse survivors use?
How would you describe your “writing/sharing style” and is there a reason you chose it?
When is it “too much information” for you personally?

For me writing stories has been a coping mechanism from high school on. And it filled all the hours I was by myself. Love reading and writing. And I used my (thinking back) fucked up stories to share part of me, without having anyone understand that it’s about me. Which is funny, because reading about certain kinks should have been a big red flag for adults, being the author 12
So for me here it was kind of discovering again that mechanism. I write it as if it was a story because it gives me the distance needed to look at it factually. Writing gives me time to correct some mistakes that happen when I dissociate while writing. They happen when I speak, and there is no way to correct what was said. And there langue and words I use are not even close to what I want and need to let out. And I will be more truthful to myself. Because “he touched me there”, for me, is not what I feel now had happened.

Curious to understand you all a little better.

I'm never upset by how someone chooses to express themselves when it comes to these things, but I do appreciate a warning so that I get the opportunity to decide if I'm in a good place to handle.

As far as my speaking/writing style, it changes. I use discernment to measure the audience and situation to decide what's appropriate. When it comes to online forums like this, I include as much detail is necessary. Sometimes that requires graphic detail, but a lot of time it doesn't.

If writing stories is cathartic to you then write YOUR stories the way YOU feel that you need to. That's what we're here for

 

[raffa_will_fight]

I wanted to fully tell my story in order to make it understood. I wanted people to know what was done to me.

I'm not bothered by graphic details in other survivors' stories. I was graphic, myself.

Thank you for your point of view.
And I can relate. In order to feel better after writing I need to put it down how ever I feel about it in that moment.

 

[raffa_will_fight]

I'm never upset by how someone chooses to express themselves when it comes to these things, but I do appreciate a warning so that I get the opportunity to decide if I'm in a good place to handle.

As far as my speaking/writing style, it changes. I use discernment to measure the audience and situation to decide what's appropriate. When it comes to online forums like this, I include as much detail is necessary. Sometimes that requires graphic detail, but a lot of time it doesn't.

If writing stories is cathartic to you then write YOUR stories the way YOU feel that you need to. That's what we're here for

thank you
But I am trying to to turn it down a bit, or at least use the function to hide or warn when I get too intense. Does not always work, but I do my best

 

[dcwofhs90]

How do you feel about some of the graphic descriptions of experienced abuse survivors use?
How would you describe your “writing/sharing style” and is there a reason you chose it?
When is it “too much information” for you personally?

I've always been a bit of a writer, so I thrive on details. But as far as graphic descriptions here...many of our experiences here are graphic and most are unpleasant. But we're all adults here; no one's forcing anyone to read anything. I kinda feel like you can't heal if you can't describe your experience exactly as it happened.

 

[raffa_will_fight]

I've always been a bit of a writer, so I thrive on details. But as far as graphic descriptions here...many of our experiences here are graphic and most are unpleasant. But we're all adults here; no one's forcing anyone to read anything. I kinda feel like you can't heal if you can't describe your experience exactly as it happened.

I feel it the same.

But I start to understand who uses other ways to express. In the end this is the important thing: let it out the way it makes us feel good.

 

[LittleSteve]

I specifically chose to write my stories in graphic detail for a very good reason. When I first started looking on the Internet before I found this place, all I found were watered down summaries, platitudes minimization. How am I gonna connect with that, and invalidate me at all the horror that I experienced. Get away I did tow it down because I didn’t go into the real details of what I felt like when this happened I stayed with the descriptive language for the most part because that part I’m not sure anybody is ready for.

So when I finally found this place and saw that I could share my story my first intro was a little bit like what I’d read before. But as I started reading stuff here I realize even hear a lot of it is tone down, and I made a conscious decision at that point that I needed to share exactly what happened in all of its horror and raw detail. Because if people didn’t know, how can they understand. And how can somebody who’s gone through such horror, connect with a water down version of what happened to other guys.

So when I started writing, I decided to tell enough of it so that other guys who’ve been through extreme stuff as I had would be able to connect and understand that healing is possible.

The other part which I’ve decided to shared a little bit in some post is. I was a disposable boy, probably almost all the other boys that I met were killed by uncle Bill. I needed to share what happened to me so that other people could understand what happened to all of us, very few probably survived and this is a way I could help tell their story as well as mine.

I’ve decided that I’m dedicating my book to all of the disposable boys who nobody cared about and nobody even knew about.

 

[raffa_will_fight]

But as I started reading stuff here I realize even hear a lot of it is tone down, and I made a conscious decision at that point that I needed to share exactly what happened in all of its horror and raw detail. Because if people didn’t know, how can they understand. And how can somebody who’s gone through such horror, connect with a water down version of what happened to other guys.

That is the kind of thought process that makes me deeply respect and appreciate some of you guys. I connect. Because I understand the language and what it means. And for me, not knowing how to express those feelings, writing is my outlet.
Thank you for your very appreciated POV Steve

 

[Georgie]

I just stop reading if I find something unpleasantly graphic. But what happened to us was graphic. And we're all adults.

 

[Healing light]

Now this, sir, was like balm for my eyes.
Am I correct to assume you are not native English speaking? Or did I misunderstand that you translate your posts and comments to English?

I am European, english I have learned by translating songs, and watching a lot of movies and shows and still do. Obviously that influenced my view on how and why use certain words. And that is exactly why, influenced by the memory of the feelings in those moments, talking about the D feels more liberating than adjust the readability of what I share by using the “appropriate” and socially accepted word.

I sincerely thank for sharing your point of view

Yes, English is not my first language. I don't think in English, despite using English alot. So it's like a continual translation going on in my brain.

I think it's an important part of sharing that it feels liberating

Peace HL

 

[Mikhail098]

i am able to write fine. but when im recounting the abuse memories, i walk through the memory in my head as a type. my writing turns to very short and simple sentences. i can go back to my writing and elaborate later, but as i'm going through the memory, i think i am still very detached an not able to be fully immersed into all the details. i don't know why my writing or speaking skill degrades as i describe something traumatic from the past. if i just write or talk about my day yesterday, i don't have this difficulty.

 

[raffa_will_fight]

i don't know why my writing or speaking skill degrades as i describe something traumatic from the past. if i just write or talk about my day yesterday, i don't have this difficulty.

I think that is absolutely natural to happen. And I think your way to express and share is what it should be: your words used to tell your story however it comes out in that moment.
Same is with feeling detached. I think our brain lets us get closer the stronger we get. This takes time, which is different for each of us.

 

[raffa_will_fight]

I just stop reading if I find something unpleasantly graphic. But what happened to us was graphic. And we're all adults.

I think so as well. It is always important to me that what I say does not offend anyone. But I also know that is not possible. (talking about it though helps to understand how the other one works, lessen an eventual instinctive response)

 

[raffa_will_fight]

I don't think in English, despite using English alot. So it's like a continual translation going on in my brain.

I think it's an important part of sharing that it feels liberating

Now I understand, your brain translating. I don’t know why I thought about an app.
I talked with someone about the differences in meanings sometimes a word can have. One for the native speaking, and a different one for those who learn the language later.

 

[Healing light]

Now I understand, your brain translating. I don’t know why I thought about an app.
I talked with someone about the differences in meanings sometimes a word can have. One for the native speaking, and a different one for those who learn the language later.

Yes definitely, understanding of words can be different depending on when a language is learnt, who taught the language and where it was taught

 

[raffa_will_fight]

I have a friend which whom I speak in three languages, depending on what and how we need to express something

 

[Photoman]

I held my secret for over 50 years. I finally told my wife a year before she passed away. I needed to unload the details in my head. She always stopped me as she said it hurt her knowing I was so used as a child. It made her angry, not at me, but the step brother that abused me.

So when I found this place and started reading others stories, I knew I found a safe place to finally get it off my chest. It was freeing! I did write it in graphic detail holding nothing back. I HAD to tell my story. I could finally breathe.

Like others have said, we're all adults that have been sexually abused on here. If you can't tell your story in detail on here, why stay? I've learned more on here than you would ever know just by reading what others say. I don't have a writting style, I just write what I think and feel. .