Why does the Predator do it?

Why does the Predator do it?
J

John Oarc

Registrant
Does it help us to know why predators do it? I think they do it because of the feeling of controling another, I just don't remember my T talking about that very much. I just thought it may help in our recovery process to know why men molest boys. It may not help but I would like to know more about it.
 
I'll try and take a stab at this, but upfront have to say I'm a novice in this area and welcome other additions to this thread. From the limited reading I've done on this area its mainly is about power. It seems as though regaining power from a painful/powerless childhood not necessarily from sexual abuse, but physical or emotional neglect in chaotic households. Predators divide the world into victims and predators. They've decided it is better to be a predator rather than a vicitm. They either detached themselves from what they are doing or they completely loose (or never develop) the ability for empathy and remorse for their actions ... or they loose this ability over time. Thus, children become objects of desire to be obtained and conquered rather than human. Many rationalize and truly believe that they love children and are behaving in a loving way ... but this is only to mask the immorality of what they have done/do. Or because they were abused and equate this as the love that they received as a child and as the love they sickly feel compelled to express.

Courage-Spirituality-Wisdom
 
Sorry to be blunt but my perp (father) was/is quite plain and simply put, fucked in the head.

He doesnt live in the same world as we do, he tried to say "we" had a relationship as one does with a consenting partner.

I was 4 when he started abusing me.

If I could show you the court transcipts you would see what I mean.
 
There is a school of thought on this.
They have mostly lived in an abusive home, and I am mainly talking about mental or physical abuse to the child.

As kids they tend to be "out of control" and have felt powerless in their homes through violence or neglect.

The signs will show early on, as the kid starts hurting animals, sometimes killing them, they seem to have scant regard for the feelings of animals or anything else.

They snatch innocence that they so much lacked as a child growing up, and yes, a lot of them call it "love"!

That is the hardest part of their mindset, because they use it like a drug, and need another fix, often foxing authorities who know what they do.

Denying they have a problem and thinking they are doing positive things to kids, when all they are doing is spreading hurt like a disease.

Trouble is, they get pretty good at concealling it, as kids are terrified to say anything, especially if it is a parent or relative.

There are many other factors to this problem, and I am no expert on it, not many people are because there is little case study to follow.

Breaking the silence is so hard to do in todays World, the perps know it, and they know they will get small sentences if caught,

ste
 
John,

It is usually said that an abuser is doing it for the sense of power he gets from being so totally in control of an innocent defenseless child. What I do not yet understand, however, is why the abuser needs or would want this power. All the various answers seem to point to some dysfunctional understanding of his/her place in the world.

I have never been able to go too far with this, and to be honest, I have tried to keep my energies focused elsewhere. It is a valid question for people like therapists, social workers, police, and psychologists, but for me it an unwanted diversion of emotional resources.

Much love,
Larry
 
I don't yet understand why they do it! I do understand how I fell into the trap!

I think that it is important that I prevent others falling into that trap!

If the pervs don't seek help themselves, then I don't care much why they do it...I just want every single one of them stopped!

Best wishes...Rik
 
In my recovery from my wifes affair it helped to find out why she did it, I just thought it would be helpful in SA also. I don't really care about the perp as much as "Like Rick" the victim. If we understand the signs maybe we can help others avoid the predator.
 
Victim and Predator are both two sides of the same coin, as both are created when power in abused, creating a power vacuum in one and leading to a seeming power surplus in another, though in truth both have disconnected from their power centre- the Self.

So, while the victim thinks he has been victimized as he has temporarily lost control over his physical, emotional or sexual self, the predator on the other hand feels in powerful as, he is in temporary control over someone elses physical, sexual or emotional being. In truth, we feel powerless when we disconnect from our primal source of power - our Self.

An abuse experience is essentially an opportunity for the victim to let go all power pains and avoid lifelong power struggles, by first letting go all fears of loosing control and then by surrendering to his own inner power, which by the way is always in control.

For the predator it is a chance once more to let go of his lure for external power and get back to his own power centre- the Self.

During abuse, a victim looses power in the episode while it is the predator who gains it. By controlling and overpowering the victim. Thus a victim is a predator inverted.

So later in life, while a victim subconsciously looks for experiences that reinforce his status as a victim, unless he breaks the cycle by affirming his power to himself and challenges the power of the predation. Then he becomes an empowered individual willing to learn from what ever life has to offer.

A predator on the other hand is also trapped in his own cycle of predation. He continues looks for people he can 'predate' upon, till he become an addict, loosing all sense of right or wrong. He continues to use others to empower him by making them give up their power in various ways; gradually it leads to his own complete degradation and loss of all power. Yet, he is challenged again and again to give up his power over others and surrender to his own inner power.

This I believe is the most sterling example of Natures compassion, where it extends an equal helping hand towards both in order to initiate healing of the whole; as no healing is complete till both sides are healed or brought together, by understanding both sides of the coin, at once.

Herein lays the greatest challenge for a victim personality as it strives to let go all need for external power, by surrendering to the power within.

And that is the end to journey for the victim.

Just as life can be lived better if we understand death better, glory of soul can be achieved if we can see its darkest hour, the abuse, in the light of the soul.
 
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