why does family makes you feel guilty????
why does family makes you feel guilty????
- Thread starterCarlos
- Start date
endlessjourney
Registrant
It sounds to me that they can take no for an answer, they just choose not to because they feel they can still get what they want out of you if they complain enough. Can you tell your mom (after saying no) that "I don't want to hear this yelling" and walk away. Have you though of what kind of leverage she may have over you that would make you want to say yes. although this is rarely the case in situations like these, what is the worst thing that could happen if you said no and walked away when they started nagging you. Would they threaten to never talk to you again, would they hurt you or exploit you? Would it be worth your time to deal with these consequences by putting your foot down once and for all? I had a similar but different situation with my mother and I feared I would lose her if I confronted her on something that I wanted her to stop doing like trying to control me and the way I live my life. Well, I didn't lose her and I am closer to her now than before. Laying boundaries is very important. Learning the art of confrontation is beneficial in these situations.
Carlos,
I am sorry that your mother is this way towards you - her actions are very familiar to me - a controling parent - I have a mother that is that way too - I know how hard it is to say no to her(something I've struggled with for over 15 years) - endlessjourney is 100% correct in that you need to set very specific boundaries with your mother (and then hold up under pressure and don't let her cross those boundaries) - the art of confrontation is something that most who have controlling parents are lacking in (I actualy had to go through assertivness training with my T - cause NO was a word that was never used in the house that I grew up in and that pattern followed me into my adult life) - we can learn these skills we are missing... - I don't know if you have a T or not - but I have also been able to learn a lot from reading books (Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward may be a good one to help you) - we can learn to be more assertive - I wish you the best...
TJ jeff
I am sorry that your mother is this way towards you - her actions are very familiar to me - a controling parent - I have a mother that is that way too - I know how hard it is to say no to her(something I've struggled with for over 15 years) - endlessjourney is 100% correct in that you need to set very specific boundaries with your mother (and then hold up under pressure and don't let her cross those boundaries) - the art of confrontation is something that most who have controlling parents are lacking in (I actualy had to go through assertivness training with my T - cause NO was a word that was never used in the house that I grew up in and that pattern followed me into my adult life) - we can learn these skills we are missing... - I don't know if you have a T or not - but I have also been able to learn a lot from reading books (Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Forward may be a good one to help you) - we can learn to be more assertive - I wish you the best...
TJ jeff
reality2k4
Registrant
Carlos,
I do not know the situation regarding money..
I only know that my family is obsessed with the stuff, and want to know how I spend it.
It has nothing to do with them, and I dont ask them how they spend theirs.
If money makes them so happy, then stick with it, but dont ask me how I spend mine.
I dont have much in life, only enough to get by, but they seem to think that is too much.
Even if I say WTF has it got to do with anybody, they seem to always turn it around on me!
I say, look after your own, and leave me alone.
They tell me that I cannot afford a drink, nor smoke, yet they can, and they dont know the problems they cause by telling me what I should not, or should do.
Whats new!
ste
I do not know the situation regarding money..
I only know that my family is obsessed with the stuff, and want to know how I spend it.
It has nothing to do with them, and I dont ask them how they spend theirs.
If money makes them so happy, then stick with it, but dont ask me how I spend mine.
I dont have much in life, only enough to get by, but they seem to think that is too much.
Even if I say WTF has it got to do with anybody, they seem to always turn it around on me!
I say, look after your own, and leave me alone.
They tell me that I cannot afford a drink, nor smoke, yet they can, and they dont know the problems they cause by telling me what I should not, or should do.
Whats new!
ste
i thank god and all of you brothers in this path to heal.
I am very gratefull to life for having found you guys, after finishing with my T.
sometimes i need support from those who've been there and can understand and I commit myself to help you huys if this is the case...
I would like to add a post and offer my help as a translator since i am a mexican and i can write both in english and in spanish, i don't know if this is feasiblebut we might help any latino who can't read english!!!!!!!!!
well just a thought.
I am very gratefull to life for having found you guys, after finishing with my T.
sometimes i need support from those who've been there and can understand and I commit myself to help you huys if this is the case...
I would like to add a post and offer my help as a translator since i am a mexican and i can write both in english and in spanish, i don't know if this is feasiblebut we might help any latino who can't read english!!!!!!!!!
well just a thought.
endlessjourney
Registrant
Hey carlos, that sounds good however, I am minoring in Spanish and maybe you could throw out some practice palabras a mi sometime. Necessito mucho trabajar en mi espanol.
Issuses with Money!
I know what you mean when you posted your families expectations regarding money. My sister charged a gym membership over the course of a year and left me holding the bag for the payment. She told that she wanted repayment of the endtables and sofa/chairs that we shared in our old apartment. She moved out and left them.....these put me in a real hole. She has expensive taste and she does not see the harm she caused. I am going to school trying to finish my degree but feel stressed and unsupported.
I know what you mean when you posted your families expectations regarding money. My sister charged a gym membership over the course of a year and left me holding the bag for the payment. She told that she wanted repayment of the endtables and sofa/chairs that we shared in our old apartment. She moved out and left them.....these put me in a real hole. She has expensive taste and she does not see the harm she caused. I am going to school trying to finish my degree but feel stressed and unsupported.
