Why do I say "I'm sorry" all the time?

[weharry1959]

IN the last month, I've been struggling and have been confronted with my go to statement whenever there has been a conflict. "I'm sorry". I think that it has been that way when I was fourteen and told my parents what my uncle/cousin had done to me, it resulted in my mom calling me names and screaming at me and my dad remained silent. I have come to the conclusion that they did the best that they could under the circumstances. My mom had been molested by her uncle. Sad as it is, I keep apologizing and yet, everyone is telling me It's not my fault, I think I still can't accept it as I should have been to stop it, after all, I'm the oldest of five and it was my responsibility to protect my brothers and sister. Then I got raped in the military after my first time drinking. I am so angry at myself, I hate saying I'm sorry, yet my uncle and the other sailor, nothing ever appeared to happen to either of them. I'm left to carry this anger, shame, among other things. When I've tried to stand firm, I get guilted for not giving in and not saying I'm sorry with "I'm disappointed in you, I know you better than that! or....I know he's a jerk but you always do the right thing, it's not you...." So, I say I'm Sorry and the situation get's better while I feel angry and hostile feeling, usually doing something stupid to punish myself. Never at anyone else except me. How can a break that.

 

[Sterling]

I say sorry all the time too.
But usually it is because I bumped into a stranger.
I always said sorry growing up and was angry after for saying
so.
I felt aweful for things that were not my fault.
I can relate weharry1959.
It is automatic in my brain. I guess I need to find out
why I do this.
This didn't help , I apologize.

James

 

[Obi]

sounds like it could be a defense mechanism that helped you when you were younger to prevent conflict, further damage, further abuse and on and on.

however, like most defense mechanisms that helped us in the past it ends up holding us back from progressing in our recovery.

it's a good thing that you recognize it though. that means that you can now look at the possibilities in breaking the cycle and being able to move forward.

good luck!