Why did they pick me? *triggers*

Why did they pick me? *triggers*
K

kaceechase

Registrant
I was 5 also and I don't get it either. I don't know what the fuck an adult can see in a 5yo. at all. It still kills me and i dont get it either but thnx for sharing it. I wish I had something more to say I just wanted to say that I have the same thoughs and I dont get it. What is so appealing about a 5yo. Fuck it! sry it didnt trigger me to anything i haven't thought about before but Damn it it makes me sick to think about why the fuck me--what was it that said i won't tell or i will not fight you. What was it that made him choose me--Sry to rant!
 
I was a teen but my wife was 5 or 6 when CSA started.

I was "the man of the house" so I can in some respects get my head around it. She was targeted by everyone in her family - that I cannot fathom.
 
How about opportunity, like a next door neighbor babysitter who just wants to have a little fun with friends and your the fun. For a while I stayed with my mat. grandparents who sold illegal liquor which brought in an interesting crowd. At lest one of these gentlemen seemed to be as interested in me as he was in the liquor, at lest we were paid for the liquor. Once again opportunity. Then there was the service station where granddaddy would first cuss me out to put on a show for the boys, I'm sure they were amused, then he would sit down and run his mouth telling what ever stories came to mind. From that point forward, it would never cross his mind that he had a grandson which was quite satifying to some of his friends who were far more interested in me than in his stories. Again there is opportunity. My parents came and got me and took me home where my pat. grandfather decided it was his turn fo the next decade. He lived across the field from us. Once again there is opportunity. A short tale of my life from 2 to 13. Some times all you have to be is there.
 
I agree with you Kirk. It was if I had a sign on my back that said "abuse me" or something.
 
I was 9 months old when it started. Do you think maybe I looked extra sexy getting my diaper changed? Heck no. For my older brother, it wasn't even about sex. It was all about hurting me. Humiliating me. Along with trying to kill me. So, no, it wasn't about how I looked. It wasn't about how I acted.

I was just there! Just being a baby. And that's when it all started. Pretty twisted, huh?

Jasper
 
I have thought about this a lot, and I still beat myself up asking what was there about me that said "Grab this one", "This one will be easy", "This one will be too scared even to cry", whatever. Maybe we do that because of course we see our own abuse history as the center of everything. But for the abuser isn't it just a matter of opportunity? Okay, an abuser may identify a target and wait for the perfect moment, but end of the day the target could have been anybody else as well as one of us.

Having said that, I know it must sound unconvincing for guys who were hurt by family members. Being a little kid in a family should have made you special, not an easier victim. So maybe I am just creating a scenario that reassures me.

Fuck! Back to square one I guess.

To return to you questions Nyjah, I have no idea how anyone could hurt a defenseless child - I just have no answer. On the possibility that the guy who hurt you wanted to rob you of all your self-esteem, there might be something to that. I read somewhere that sometimes abusers are taking revenge for things that happened to them in their own lives. But who knows. The important thing now is to keep working on your recovery and reject anything that is just going to bring you more hurt. That is the best way to show your abuser that at the end of the day it is him and not you who is the loser.

Larry
 
animals and prey springs to mind, sorry, no, animals would not stoop so low.

ste
 
Nyjah - hey dog check it out. Abusers are just dirt. No he didnt think about yr esteem stuff like that. You, me, all the others, we didnt matter - he just wanted to get off. Just like a dog in a farmyard, no diffrence.

Kev
 
They were opportunists - we were the opportunity...it could have been anyone!

Best wishes ..Rik
 
Brothers,

I agree with u all. :( , boy it hurts to think about though.
 
Nyjah,

I hope that you will be able to find the answers that you are looking for...

I was around 4 when the S/A started - I am pretty sure that I was already being physicaly/mentaly abused at home and so therefore might have shown some kind of weakness that made me more succeptable to him - but I don't think that that was the only reason it happened (at least not in my mind) - I think it happened more because of the opportunity that he knew he had in being able to get me alone and his not being able to control his sexual needs and his mousetrap mindgames (the games he used to play to get out of me the things that he wanted) that he really must have put quite a lot of thought into... - I know that my Uncle took great pleasure in every last thing that he did with me - I was just a pawn in his games - he did'nt care at all about what my 'wants' were - it was all about him...

TJ jeff
 
Kirk talks about being vulnerable. Maybe all kids are vulnerable. When I got hurt I was too scared to say anything I just did what he said. I still dont know why it was like that. But i didnt know I could say no. I know it sounds stupid but i really didnt even think of that. I was too scared & i was alone with him.

Kev
 
I sometime wonder of this. Not that it does any good. Whether it was me or not, it happen, right?

But because of all the abuse and confusion that happen in my home, I wonder if there was the 'sign' on me. Or if it was just the living situation with my family that make it more opportunity for my sport coach to abuse me. I know several other people he had abused, and it what little I see, it is a pattern of broken home, or the child is living away from home for training. Maybe that is just a cue to him that we would be more vulnerable.

Either way, like I said, it happened.

Leosha
 
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