Why can't it be like it should have been

Why can't it be like it should have been
O

onlyakid

Life that is. Why did I have to go through this? Why do I have to go through these constant mood swings? Why do I feel like I am not a man? Why do I feel like I am missing something? Why is the one who has hurt me not have to deal with the pain I feel? Why me? I know I am a good person but I am the one who is punished and I didn't do anything wrong.
 
Jason,

You ask the eternal question we all do: Why me?

There is no simple answer beyond there are evil people out there who don't care about anything but their own desires.

They walk free while we are handed a life sentence. Or even if they are arrested, they spend a few years.

It is unfair and it is not right.

What you are feeling is normal anger over the monstrosity perpetrated on you. Doesn't matter who it is.

And in your case, you see someone regularly who doesn't seem to suffer anything nor is remorseful for what he did to you. I know you love him, but your questions and anger need to be directed to him. And I guarantee you will never get a satisfactory answer. Even with an apology, nothing can truly make up for what he did to you.

The answer is found in the fact that you can and will beat this.

Love ya,

Marc
 
Thanks Marc
I just felt like I needed to get it out. I was about to go to this gay porn site (aka act out) and I stopped myself and decieded to just let it flow.

I am so thankful that I have a site such as MaleSurvivor to vent and tell my feelings to people who "know". All my brothers on this site have been a help to me. Especially you, I am proud to call you friend.

I love ya man
Jason
 
Life's a bitch and then you die. Guess I'll have to keep living because the alternative is unacceptable.
 
Last night there was a serious thunder storm. I went outside and shook my fist at heaven and shouted "I dare you!"

I often think how it might have been. And that makes me sad. Lots of choices we didn't get the chance to make for ourselves.

I realize that it is little comfort, but at least we were not born in the Sudan. I figure that in terms of human misery and pleasures, I wound up right about in the middle. Most of my problems seem so bad simply because I have the leasure time to think about them.

Aden
 
I have struggled with those questions also.

I know the answer is that none of it was my fault in any way. It doesn't always feel that way, however.

Something similar has come up recently and I am in the midst of it now. Coverage for my therapy is in limbo just now and I am angry about that. Where is the compensation for what I was subjected to as a child?

Ideally, it would be the perps who pay for this but I think also that society was and is complicit by its denial about the abuse that was and is being perpetrated on children all the time.

This recalls for me so much the questions you ask. Why? Why? Why?

I think there will never be answers that are entirely adequate and that is part of the abuse, too.
 
My brothers I dont think there is an answer to this question ever. Everyone asks why me about something. It is a great mystery of the Universe. Along with IF ONLY or WHAT IF.

We can dwell in the rut of asking and finding no answer or say. "SCREW IT". "IT HAPPENED BUT BY GOD I AM GOING TO BE WHAT I WAS MEANT TO BE. WHY?? BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I WANT"

I guess it is like Lance Armstrong who a year after testicular cancer won his first of 6 Tour de France. He could have dwelt in the why me but he became what he wanted to be. Or Terry Fox in Canada who motivated millions to run to raise money for Cancer research. He did it because he believed he could make a difference and wanted to. And he did it with one leg.

Now lets look at all of us here. We are doing our level best to be what we want to be. It sure is not easy but dammit it is what WE WANT.

So for that I think we all deserve a STANDING OVATION

CLAPCLAPCLAPYEHYEHYEHYEHCLAPCLAPCLAPYEHCLAPCLAP
 
I have asked lot of this also. But last time I am asking this, I question myself, why do you think it would have been better? Maybe something else bad would have happen. Maybe something worse. I can't know. This is all I had, and I need to deal with it, or forever relive it. And that is not acceptable to me.

leosha
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top