Why Can't I Leave My Job?

Why Can't I Leave My Job?
L

Lantern

Registrant
I have a job I hate. It's not (most of) my work colleagues that I hate, it's the manager. He's an incredible bully but he does it subtly and very manipulatively.

I can't bring myself to try and look for other work - I only got this job because I felt that I had to take it some years ago (I had been on unemployment benefit before and hated that even more than work).

Obviously it's better than not working (or at least I think so), because it gets me out of the flat and around other people, and that's great.

I think there are two things that stop me from leaving; firstly, it's just that I can't imagine trying to step into someone else's world and saying "Choose me, I'm great!" and the other thing is... well I'm not sure.

When I think back to when I was raped, and to the man who did it, I don't feel any anger towards him - just against myself - and I find it very hard to be angry at my boss, I just boil up inside. Something happened today that I felt was bullying and abusive and I just welled up with anger. This kind of shit happens all the time. Lots of my friends have had to leave for the same reason (being bullied, effectively). Somehow, I don't know, maybe I feel like I deserve to be treated like shit.

Does anyone else here have similar problems with work? I should feel proud of myself for holding this job down, but it's just so depressing when the manager's there, it's almost like being attacked again, and I can't find a part of me that wants to leave. It's horrible.

Everyone I complain to says "Why don't you just leave?" but they don't know about what happened to me when I was a boy and I can't tell them and I can't decide anything, I just store all this anger up and it's so disgusting and frustrating.
 
Latern,
I'm in the same position your in. I've been in the same job for 12 years (since I was 16) and I hate it, my boss always blames me for everything, dubbed me "manager" without asking or even telling me. I make a crap wage. Anyway, I've wanted to change jobs for years but I've never done so. I don't know how we can get out of this situation. But you aren't alone in this.

Jason
 
Hi Latern. It sounds to me that, besides your underlying issues, you merely lack a way a effectively dealing with an asshole boss. Well, here's how you do it. Documentation. If he's being a jerk to you one day, tell him to stop, and that if he does NOT stop, you will put in an official complaint in writing to his supervisor. When this happens, people are then accountable to take appropriate action, if the do not, then they can be in big trouble.

I think you see where I'm going. Make sure that there is a paper trail of accountablility for you to fall back on.

I would also like to say that I KNOW what it's like to not stand up for your self and you don't even know why. You just feel like you're not worth it, etc. Well, that's something you can overcome by taking action like I just described. Let me know how it goes ok?

I'm sure that there are all sorts of dynamics in your situation that compells you to say "I can't do that because etc. etc. etc.", but MAYBE you CAN! MAYBE you can take control of a situation centered around a dominating personality that thinks he can get away with treating you bad, and feel better about yourself.

Best of luck to you.
 
I always stand up for myself with him directly but the problem is he's a very subtle bully. Also on at least one occasion I think he's had back-up from the owners of the company on certain issues, because I kicked up a stink. Fuckers.

Why am I still there?
 
Not sure why your still there but believe there is a reason we do what we do. What is the payoff you get by staying in the job? Got to be something unhealthy as your paying a real price to stay there.

Not to put you down at all, I certainly have been there too. We always have a choice as to how we live our life. You are choosing to stay there. Perhaps you excercise another choice and make some small steps as to finding another job. Got to believe there are several out there
that you would like a whole lot better.


Those around you may resist your wanting to change jobs but you deserve to have a job that you like and that works financially and emotionally for you. Take back your power from this jerk boss, decide to find something better and then go make it happen. Sounds simplistic but it works.

Life is too short to put up with this nonsense.
Let us be there for you and I am rooting for you.

B
 
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