Why bother with recovery

[Thad]

I jumped into Therapy, sure that I was going to root it all out - no matter what the cost - I would force myself into experiencing memories that began to overwhelm me - At that point, my T said something I found really useful - that she did not think it was good to push myself to the point of re-experiencing the trauma since without having done the groundwork of having the tools for understanding it or the tools for not letting it overwhelm me, it became a form of re-traumatizing myself - although it was hard to hear, she suggested that I be patient - I was and still am sometimes not very patient - but I know she is right - and I am taking the time to develop the tools I need to face this.

Perhaps your T needs more feedback so that she can help you deal with it in measured and safe ways - healing should not be a new form of trauma...

 

[Ivanhoe]

I wrote this for another thread and realized that it belonged here more than there.
I start out talking about perps, but end up where my heart is...interesting, there are no Freudian slips, someone once said.


Ya, I'm in both camps; feeling better about myself and feeling the rage towards those who abuse.
The guys in my group have noticed this change in me lately. Someone said the other night, after he heard me say how I was planning to get back at my 8th grade teacher, "Wow, no more Mr. Nice guy. Man have you changed."
Well, I hope so. Changed to know that I do have the power, the power to take control of my life and to fight for what I think is right for me.
I'm running up against a partner who has a changed man on her hands. It has really caused some disruption in her/our life(lives).

"What do you mean you love others?"
"Ya, well, I love this guy, he's a friend of mine."
I love this other guy, too, he's another friend of mine."
"You've neve done that before. And, besides, guys don't love guys, unless they're gay. "Are you gay?"

Ya, some time, we're having in recovery. I never thought that it might change the dynamic our my marriage. Maybe I'll be able to have friends, again. I remember what that was like, before I was 14. I loved those guys, too. Is that what's going on? Am I reconnecting those circuits, again? Loving friends? God, what a concept. What a rediscovery. Look at that word, again: re-"dis"-covery. We are recovering, from which we were dissed.
Anyway, I can't go back, now.

David

 

No way I could ever go back to the way things were. I was so messed up man, & about a million things. I totally dont know how anybody here could even talk to me.

I know i been takin a lot of little baby steps but thats okay & sometimes I still feel like a spider runnin around in a hot skillet. Like sometimes I feel like no matter what I do im just in deeper & deeper shit. But then I think ok, that stuff was always here & now im dealin with it. Sometimes I think it was a lot better before, but thats just dreamin man. My life b4 was drugs & fighting & alone & scared & ashamed all the time & hating myself cos im me. Who wants a life like that.

Kev