Why am I so damaged?
Why am I so damaged?
- Thread starterLoneWolfX
- Start date
dark empathy
Registrant
@Lwx, one odd thing is that that is a question I ask myself constantly.
The fact that I am married has nothing to do me not being damaged, it is entirely due to amazingly good luck, or divine grace or some other unknowable agency, and the lady who loves me and is my wife, a fact that still me each and every day. And yet, when I raise this topic with my wife, she is insistant that it is not! me who is damaged at all, it is simply me who tells that I am, indeed she often says "stop telling yourself that"
I therefore must conclude logically that the perception of damage is, like most of my perceptions about myself, an entirely illogical one, and yet another manifestation of the part of myself I tend to refer to as "shadow" the part of myself who is responsible for these sorts of perceptions, and likely the actual consequence of the belief that I am damaged in the first place.
As usual, all I can do about Shadow is pretty much ignore it try to rely on those around me who know me better than I do, like my wife.
So in short i don't think you or I or anyone else who feels damaged actually is, it's that very feeling which is it's own justification.
The problem is, getting rid it is not easy, indeed I've now come to a point where I feel more at peace simply accepting that my self perception is itself broken and just ignoring it rather than trying to fix it.
Hope some of this makes some sort of sense.
Luke.
The fact that I am married has nothing to do me not being damaged, it is entirely due to amazingly good luck, or divine grace or some other unknowable agency, and the lady who loves me and is my wife, a fact that still me each and every day. And yet, when I raise this topic with my wife, she is insistant that it is not! me who is damaged at all, it is simply me who tells that I am, indeed she often says "stop telling yourself that"
I therefore must conclude logically that the perception of damage is, like most of my perceptions about myself, an entirely illogical one, and yet another manifestation of the part of myself I tend to refer to as "shadow" the part of myself who is responsible for these sorts of perceptions, and likely the actual consequence of the belief that I am damaged in the first place.
As usual, all I can do about Shadow is pretty much ignore it try to rely on those around me who know me better than I do, like my wife.
So in short i don't think you or I or anyone else who feels damaged actually is, it's that very feeling which is it's own justification.
The problem is, getting rid it is not easy, indeed I've now come to a point where I feel more at peace simply accepting that my self perception is itself broken and just ignoring it rather than trying to fix it.
Hope some of this makes some sort of sense.
Luke.
AuthenticMe
Registrant
Very well said, Luke.
LoneWolfX,
My phrase was "Broken" instead of "Damaged".
When I stepped out of my shame there is no way I can call the boy I was "Broken". Broken doesn't shove full grown men over, Broken doesn't escape, Broken doesn't protect himself in a punked out rage.
I think the internal phase allowed me to express the gravity of my experiences and their effects even while I was in denial.
My phrase was "Broken" instead of "Damaged".
When I stepped out of my shame there is no way I can call the boy I was "Broken". Broken doesn't shove full grown men over, Broken doesn't escape, Broken doesn't protect himself in a punked out rage.
I think the internal phase allowed me to express the gravity of my experiences and their effects even while I was in denial.
I feel discounted, by my exwife, my mother, and others who thought my rape was O K, my damage was something to get over with, the display of y nakedt body for my mothers 's photographee friend, the physical abusr My mother would not protect me from.
I was damaged. I was violated by my older bropther my mothers friend, my fatherr. iw will not ignore nor participate in ignoring the herrendous experiences. Inbwill not tolerate my motrher telling me I am OK since anal penetration hurt. Or my wife keeping one of the pitures taken of me by the photographer on display in the dining room.
I had four kids and the only one abused was my daughter by my father.I sam greatful to goout this ti;; 5 years after he was dead, I would have wanted to kill him. Wen I first self disclo disclosed I was asuch a big deal of it.I am in rage that my mother dd thjat to me.
Just thought I would share my experience.
I was damaged. I was violated by my older bropther my mothers friend, my fatherr. iw will not ignore nor participate in ignoring the herrendous experiences. Inbwill not tolerate my motrher telling me I am OK since anal penetration hurt. Or my wife keeping one of the pitures taken of me by the photographer on display in the dining room.
I had four kids and the only one abused was my daughter by my father.I sam greatful to goout this ti;; 5 years after he was dead, I would have wanted to kill him. Wen I first self disclo disclosed I was asuch a big deal of it.I am in rage that my mother dd thjat to me.
Just thought I would share my experience.
UniversalBeing
Registrant
Hey, I know how you feel. I often time feel the same.
Here is a song that helps me:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwuuuaKlXJ4
It is very soothing.
Here is a song that helps me:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwuuuaKlXJ4
It is very soothing.
