Why am I even here? (trigger warning)

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Why am I even here? (trigger warning)

My life, my past, my mistakes makes my world like a prison, an empty place in time that I struggle to leave. I never know who will criticize ones self or what they will do to hurt my body and soul. I have often wondered if I am here for others to hurt, and set their self-esteem at ease for a moment in time. I often think if the ones in my life really love who I am, or know Im of this world. Why, am I even here? The ones I hold close to my heart, which touches my soul, in time, leaves for one reason or another. All I want is for those who are in my life to love ones self for who and what I am. I may be alive on the outside, but my soul has grown cold like a hallowed tree. Why dose the pain linger inside? Will the pain ever stop? Will I ever heal from my nightmare? Why, am I even here? I wish I was in what I call my happy place and would never have to leave to come back to this unforgiving world. I would never have the hateful comments or to be unwanted. No vipers to kick ones self from thy home, no one to abuse and molest my mind, body, and spirit, no one to break my soul. I would rather live my life and death alone, than feel the pain that snuffs out my flame every day of my so called normal life. Would someone please tell ones self why, am I even here?
 
Wow, Blake. First, as I say before to you, welcome here. I wish very much you did not have occasion to be here. But I am glad that you find it, and that you find this site helpful to you so far.

This post, your feelings, it is such reminder to me of me when first I get here. I bet anyone else responding here can say the same thing. Those feelings, those fears, they are not unique to you. Not at all.

As to 'why are you even here', I am not sure on what level or what about you speak on that one. Why are you 'here', as in survivor site, well, hopefully to get the help and support and understanding to help you get through this. If it is the more general 'why am I here' as in, still alive and breathing, well, I hope the answer is similar. To survive this, to heal from it, and have a positive and healthy life.

Welcome here, and please accept the positives this site can give you.

Leosha
 
Here's another post I somehow missed. It's absolutely beautiful, and I'm sorry it took me so long to find it. It's the perfect description of a lifetime of loss. I've felt that. Like I shouldn't get attached to anything or it will be ripped right out of my heart.

It's nice to have another artist here. Take care of yourself, OK?
 
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