Who are we?

[ak]

This issomething, confusing to me. Yesterday, a friend ask me what I want to do with my life as adult, 'when you grow up', kind of way to ask. Real? I am not sure. I say something, something that I think is expected of me, but it is because, I cannot think what I am meant to be. To think on that, to know that, first I would need to know who I am. And that, I am not sure.

I know, in my head, that logical, we are not defined of what is been done to us, or what we ourself have done. But I am wondering, maybe do I lose some time to gain to know myself, as I grow up? Because all I can think, it is to identify myself of what I do.

For those who do not know me, I am an athlete, that is my 'profession' right now, to compete and perform at certain events for sport. I am 20 years old, and I have been training at this sport since I am 4, and competing it since I am 6. When I was 11, I leave my home and family to train at national sport center. You are training at something five, six, eight hours a day, six days a week, that is what you are, yes? But it cannot be, that is 'who' I am, because then, with the abuse happening most each day all week for those years, would that be also who I am? Or what I am? I do not wish to think that.

I do not know myself, outside of what I do and been doing so much for so long. How do we learn of ourself? How do we know to find out who else we are, but for what we do?

I know, it sound confused right now, right now I am confused. I can not think to explain it any better, I'm sorry. It is something that been in my mind some for few months.

andrei

 

[roadrunner]

Andrei,

You can claim that your athletic life is part of your identity without also saying that the abuse is part of who you are.

Your commitment to sports from the age of 4 is something that has been in your heart and soul. It is something you yearn for and consciously choose. You keep renewing the choice every day when you train.

The abuse, on the other hand, was something that was done to you against your will. You did not want it and it was not within your power to stop it. It is not now and has never been a part of who Andrei is.

I think every young man goes through the stage of wondering who he is, or rather, who he is becoming. That is a part of growing up and it doesn't end just because we reach the age of 18 or 21 or whatever. I did not feel that I knew who I was until I was about 30, and I am still working on that one! Not because I am a abuse survivor, but because I am human. We are constantly developing and changing Andrei.

You are probably thinking in terms of what you will do once you are no longer in international competitive sports. I have no idea of course, but I know you will find something that is meaningful and fulfilling for you. Sports, however, will remain important to you. Of that I am VERY sure!

Much love,
Larry

 

[FLRich]

Androsh,

There is not much I can add to what Larry said in the previous response.

I would like to tell you that you still have time to pick a career. When choosing a career, try to choose one doing something you enjoy. You enjoy skating, so perhaps coaching. You are very artistically talented, so perhaps teaching art, or hitting the highways selling your art. I know that you are excellent with people, so perhaps counseling or something like that.

Whatever you choose, please do not feel that you are locked into that choice for life. I felt that. For years I hated my job. I later realized that I hated my life, not my job. I enjoy my work now. I enjoy my life now. I like working with persons with autism. Over the years, though, I have made some career moves, because anyone can get burned out doing the same thing day in, and day out. I have worked with students from pre-kindergarten, from middle school, from high school and in vocational programs. The last few years I have been working as an Autism Site Coach, assisting teachers and other professionals in techniques used to better teach students with autism. I'm in the same field I have always been in, but I have made sure I changed. I moved around.

Never feel that you must be locked into one job for your entire life. Many people feel that they must in order to make a lot of money. Money can buy a lot of comforts, but it can also bring a lot of other problems along with it. We all know that it can't buy happiness. Happiness comes from within, not from things without.

Do whatever makes you happy, Androsh.

Your career is NOT who Androsh is. Androsh is a loving, caring, sensitive, wise, intelligent, and talented young man. You will always be those things (with the exception of "young man"). THAT is who you are. You will be that regardless of what you do in life, and what career you choose. You are that regardless of the things that have happened to you in your past. That is who Androsh is. It's a part that abuse could not take away. It's a part that money and success will not take away.

Do what makes you happy. That is not being selfish. That is being wise, and God knows you are wise.

Your Da Man, mvoi brat. Dont' forget it.