who am i ? (triggers)

who am i ? (triggers)

puppy

Registrant
i feel like im lost in the dark here. every time i uncover a new feeling inside my head, i move further and further away from getting to where i want to be. i want to know who i am. and at this point that seems impossible.

i feel like every memory i have is clouded by abuse. i guess because i was so young whenit started, it really is all i remember of the first 15 or so years of my life. i get angry when people talk about happy childhood memories...birthday parties, family vacations, blah blah blah. yeah, i have all of those memories too. but mine are always paired with some horrible memory. like christmas. i remember one christmas. i dont know how old i was. young enough that i still believed in santa. so maybe 7 or 8. it was christmas eve. i remember being woken up in bed, feeling hands on my body. and there was my father. it wasnt scary or traumatic at the time. i dont know what it was, just normal i guess. but now, looking back, it makes me so completely angry. that i cant remember a normal christmas. that it was ok to me to be woken up and molested in the middle of the night, and that i went back to sleep, so excited, waiting for santa. all of the memories that should be happy are not. they are totally screwed up. and it really makes me wonder. how do people know who they are? i guess you look back and you say well, what do my life experiences tell me. like if youre into sports. or art. or whatever. you can put these labels on yourself. and other people see them. like youre athletic. or youre a writer. or youre friendly. or youre something. i guess thats part of what makes up who you are. and when i try to put some kinda labels on myse4lf, i cant.

i feel like im hollow. i have skin and bones and all that junk. but on the inside, theres not much. nothing that makes up a 'self'. what is there is anger and sadness and fear. everything before 15 or 16 told me that im worthless. im a sex object. im a punching bag. whatever you want to call it. and i can tell myself otherwise. i can tell myself im not. and im a good person. and im worth something. and ive got something to offer the world. but then my mind starts working. i think a lot. and thinking means remembering. and it always takes me back to the same places. i cant NOT remember. but when i do, my memories tell me that who i am is not good enough.

sometimes i ask myself why i even have a job. why im in college. what its all for. i feel like i am trying to fit myself into a world where i dont belong. i go to school and sit in lectures and write papers like everyone else. but i feel like im a fake. i feel like sooner or later everyone is going to realize that im a big fake and i am not like them and i dont belong there. rationally i can tell myself i have just as much right to be there as anyone else. but i dont actually believe it. i believe that im less. and i believe that im destined for failure. and i feel like im trying to fight the inevitable.

i dont know how to find myself. i sort of think there is nothing there to find besides ugliness and pain. maybe its not a matter of finding but inventing. maybe i need to just create myself. find hobbies. find labels to put on myself that will make me a whole person. the more i try to dig through all of my memories and feelings the more i feel lost and buried by all of it. i just want to belong somewhere. i want to be comfortable in my skin.
 
puppy,

I am very moved by this post and I understand it all too well.

I could have written this at many points in my life. Even today, as I look ahead to retirement in just a few years, I feel the same questions returning.

I can't give you answers, or tell you what to do, but here are some ideas, some thoughts that have helped me as I tried to make my way in this world.

- From a movie I saw once; "I've given up hope of having had a better, happier past." This is all about acceptance; accepting what we cannot change, and accepting that it doesn't control or define me. For me, this meant the end of "Wishing", because wishing is looking backward, and it meant the beginning of HOPE, because Hope looks forward; Hope gives me goals, and lets ME plan my life; Hope lets me dream my future and work to make it real.

- Something I told my nephew when he was becoming a man:
You're going to be a man much longer than you were a boy. Maybe your childhood wasn't what you wanted, but your Life is yours and it will be what you make it. Sure, party with your friends, have fun, but pay your own way, and make sure that your fun, or anything you do, whatever you do, isn't going to hurt anyone else, or come back to haunt you some day.

- Something Andrei and Leosha both expressed here once; the past is over, but tomorrow, Today will be my past so I will do whatever I can to make sure it is a good past, a happy past. I have a lot of living and history still to come, and it will be mine and it will be good.

- From another movie; "Honey, lately your low self-esteem is just good common sense." This is from the movie Spanglish, and I'm sorry if it seems harsh to anyone, but to me it is a reminder that if I am feeling down on myself or my circumstances, sometimes it is my own fault. Big things and little things - whatever; what can I do to make it better? Sometimes all it takes is picking up the dirty clothes off the floor, or washing the dishes; sometimes it's calling someone or visiting and saying, "I feel terrible. How do you feel?"

Puppy, I wish I could make it easier. We have all the complications and decisions that everyone has in this chaos we call "modern life", but we also have these old voices and memories that latch on to any doubts or frustrations and then make them seem bigger and worse than they might really be.

Try to step back - seperate things out, see them for what they really are and really mean. It's not all about the past. It will get better and it will get easier.

Let me point you to two songs in another post, from the animated movie "Treasure Planet", which I highly recommend. These songs say some powerful things better than I seem to be able to. Here --> https://malesurvivor.org/cgi-local/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=38;t=000437#000002

One last thought: Life is about inventing yourself. We create and invent ourselves every day. There is something you care about, something you really like or love, something that interests you. Start there. Learn all you can about it; practice it, share it, make it your own. One thing in this world; that's where you start and you never know where it will lead you.

Take care and have Hope.
Make Hope real.

Donald
 
Puppy, feeling like this is bad, and it should never be this way.

Sometimes I feel like a space alien in this world, like its not real, and nothing can be real, because as hard as I try, I just make it more difficult for myself.

I learned that when I was a kid, but it never left me, but I live around most of it, because I cant change that.

I cant know how you feel, but it can be real hard when these feelings are still raw, thats how I felt when I was young and it sure sucks.

You will get through PuP, because nobody can take the real YOU away, and even when you are not sure who you really are then I would say that I see a cool dude there.

I dont know whether that helped, but I hope you can feel cool about you,

ste
 
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