While waiting for help...

[Lionize]

I guess that's not a very descriptive title, but it's all I could think of.

I reached an executive decision, thanks to some support from the chat room, to go talk to somebody. Thing is, that somebody should be a practicioner of some sort at my college. School doesn't start for another two months. I'm worried about the ups and downs that'll inevitably come with that. I want to feel better, but really don't want to deal with my doctor or, for that matter, anyone else face-to-face.

I feel like here's a good start, and I try to write in an online blog every day (been bad lately but getting back into it) just to try and organize my thoughts in a way for people to understand, so I can read it and understand myself a little better. I think I'm the only reader, but it really helps to see your own thoughts up on the screen.

But other than that, I haven't done much besides throw myself into my work, which makes me stressed and is really just dodging the problem. But is there anything else I can do or should be doing while waiting for someone to talk to?

 

[roadrunner]

Lionize,

I can only tell you what has worked for me I dont know much about your case. Talking here has helped me enormously. The guys I have spoken to here were not the first ones I told, but getting into things here did prove to me that I wasnt alone that was enormously important. I also found an attentive ear and learned more positive ways of looking at things. I still have a lot of trouble with that, I know, but I do feel I am making progress.

Being here has also boosted my confidence in dealing with the real world. Spending time in an environment where you are believed and where it is repeatedly stressed that abuse is not our fault, for example, dealt with several of my major fears. I have now told my wife and daughter, both of my sisters, and a few colleagues and friends. Each time has been stressful and frightening, but I did it and have always been the better for it. Somewhere on the site there is discussion of how damaging "the silence" is. I can really see how true that is! When I come here or speak to someone about what happened, I am taking another step in convincing myself that I deserved better and that what happened to me for four years was a brutal crime.

So my advice is, first, simply do what you can, if you can, to "break the silence". It is entirely normal to find this a daunting task, hence the value of this site, where a survivor knows his anonymity is safe. I am 36 years older than you, and in any case we are all individuals and all of our cases are somehow unique. But every time you take any step to break out of the silence you are also breaking out of the fear and other negative emotions that closed around you as a boy. This can only help you as you prepare to get professional help.

Second, I would watch out for "throwing myself into my work". As I know from my own life and from several of my students (I am a university teacher), that is an escape. Or rather, that is a way we can create a safe area where we dont have to face up to how badly we have been affected by what happened. Create time for yourself and the things you like to do: music, reading, sports, whatever. Doing things you really like puts you back in touch with the positive side of who you are. Dont let work and the demands of other people totally swamp you.

Good luck,
Larry

 

[Lloydy]

Between disclosing for the first time, to my wife, and starting my therapy I 'waited' about 10 months.
Some was forced on me by arranged holidays, and some by the waiting list.

But it gave me some time to think, and I started a journal to begin to put my thoughts in some kind of order.
I guess a blog will do the same thing, and you can always post stuff here as well.

Dave

 

[Don-NY]

L,

You're not the only reader.....

Donald