Where would I be Today if not for the CSA
Where would I be Today if not for the CSA
- Thread starterJohn Oarc
- Start date
Kirk Wayne
Registrant
Tough one this John
I would imagine I would have become the looser that my father predicted I would be as I did not show any interst in becoming a city/office based worker. I had at one time expressed to my father an interest in archaeology, he just looked at me and laughed and said "university is not for the likes of you". Later on I expressed to him that I wanted to go and work on a building site as some of my friends had done, but that was a no no to himas that was far to far beneath us!! (What a total arsehole).
What I did become succesful at was hiding my abuse by different means maninly involving alcohol, street drugs and prescribed drugs. However when I found sobriety I took myself off to college got the required qualifications and then went onto university to study???? Yep you guessed it archaeology and I have to say it was the happiest time of my life (till the birth of my grandchildren) that was untill all hell broke loose with the realisation of my abuse.
That beside I am still here, I'm happy I have a loving family (that I married into)one that my father will never get to meet, but there is one thing that bugs me if I had of gone into building I like to dream that I may have become a craftsman and started my own company up refurbishing very old buldings using traditional methods ..... all the builders that I know of are doing quite nicely thank you very much.
However I think I have found my vocation in life and that is talking out about abuse and its effects of the individual male (well this male) and I have been told that I am quite a good public speaker now all that needs to be found is an audience willing to listen (easier said than done I know .... but it is getting easier)
Today I am content with my lot and I think I could be correct in saying that not very many people can say that.
Kirk
"Lets grab tis bull by the horns and swingit about a bit"
I would imagine I would have become the looser that my father predicted I would be as I did not show any interst in becoming a city/office based worker. I had at one time expressed to my father an interest in archaeology, he just looked at me and laughed and said "university is not for the likes of you". Later on I expressed to him that I wanted to go and work on a building site as some of my friends had done, but that was a no no to himas that was far to far beneath us!! (What a total arsehole).
What I did become succesful at was hiding my abuse by different means maninly involving alcohol, street drugs and prescribed drugs. However when I found sobriety I took myself off to college got the required qualifications and then went onto university to study???? Yep you guessed it archaeology and I have to say it was the happiest time of my life (till the birth of my grandchildren) that was untill all hell broke loose with the realisation of my abuse.
That beside I am still here, I'm happy I have a loving family (that I married into)one that my father will never get to meet, but there is one thing that bugs me if I had of gone into building I like to dream that I may have become a craftsman and started my own company up refurbishing very old buldings using traditional methods ..... all the builders that I know of are doing quite nicely thank you very much.
However I think I have found my vocation in life and that is talking out about abuse and its effects of the individual male (well this male) and I have been told that I am quite a good public speaker now all that needs to be found is an audience willing to listen (easier said than done I know .... but it is getting easier)
Today I am content with my lot and I think I could be correct in saying that not very many people can say that.
Kirk
"Lets grab tis bull by the horns and swingit about a bit"
reality2k4
Registrant
John, Kirk, yes this question has been around before many times.
I left school and trained to be a craft electrician, and got abused on the sites by a few idiots.
These few, eventually led to me leaving my career path with their abusive nature, but not before I got them back good style.
I wanted to go to Uni, because I had the brains to do it, but it never happened and I slipped into heavy drinking, sniffing etc.
I am though, still the man who was the kid, who fought them all at one point.
You are who you are by definition of who you are today.
I am pretty much respected and trusted where I live, I guess you guys are too,
ste
I left school and trained to be a craft electrician, and got abused on the sites by a few idiots.
These few, eventually led to me leaving my career path with their abusive nature, but not before I got them back good style.
I wanted to go to Uni, because I had the brains to do it, but it never happened and I slipped into heavy drinking, sniffing etc.
I am though, still the man who was the kid, who fought them all at one point.
You are who you are by definition of who you are today.
I am pretty much respected and trusted where I live, I guess you guys are too,
ste
Hauser
Registrant
I sure as Hell wouldn't be here. And I sure as Hell wouldn't just now be trying to get my life together at 37.
I would have been a Lawyer or something more rewarding.
I suspect that you, John, and many others here would have progressed far beyond where we are now if we didn't have to deal with this.
I would have been a Lawyer or something more rewarding.
I suspect that you, John, and many others here would have progressed far beyond where we are now if we didn't have to deal with this.
hey its not a life its an adventure!! i guess i could have been a preppy college kid spending all my parents money and raping the prom queen!lol,could have gone on to live with my head up my ass ,not seeing or feeling anything ,i could have had all the stuff ,that comes with that life ,a wife i dont even know kids that hate me and a job thats killing me. i could have grown old and died miserable not connected to anyone or anything. instead i found a place where people care ,i found my family . thanks to all of you. yeah i know tomorrow life will suck again ,but there are one or two things for me now that stop the suck for a while . i been in the dark so long that even though the way i found it sucks its good to find thelight in the end.adam
I would probably be married, but clueless. Take away the CSA and there is still the other broken stuff. I would have a wife like my mother who would probably drive me right up the wall.
Adam, can I second you on many of the points you made? Can I add an amen?!
Adam, can I second you on many of the points you made? Can I add an amen?!
When I got the full scope of what CSA had contributed to my life from the "T" I got pissed to say the least, that is when I started thinking about what I could have done. Sports comes to mind first, I think I would have excelled in them the most and that pissed me off bad. I remember loosing the ability to play after the abuse, everything got real serious, football was no longer fun, it was a test to see if I could do everything perfect and with the failures came less interest in everything.
I did not ask for the best of anything anymore and it left me with the worst of everything and that also pissed me off.
Today however, I only have these thoughts when things go wrong, other than that I don't think about it.
Most of the time I am okay with how my life turned out, sometimes I think "hell I am happy to be able to walk and breath on my own so it could be a lot worse." Sometimes this does not work and it only seems to last a few hours or days but it is the truth. Then I go to this scenario "There are people with mental retardation all over the world who can't move or speak being molested as we speak." Then I give up and realize that I am truly blessed. I just wish I could keep that in my head twenty four seven.
I think the reason it does not stay has to do with the human side always wanting to move towards the best and better which is just natural. Another thing that triggers this for me is seeing others pass me by and succeed at everything they do, it can make me regress back to the abuse and as I said this is part of the process.
I am rambling now so I hope you guys can understand it.
I did not ask for the best of anything anymore and it left me with the worst of everything and that also pissed me off.
Today however, I only have these thoughts when things go wrong, other than that I don't think about it.
Most of the time I am okay with how my life turned out, sometimes I think "hell I am happy to be able to walk and breath on my own so it could be a lot worse." Sometimes this does not work and it only seems to last a few hours or days but it is the truth. Then I go to this scenario "There are people with mental retardation all over the world who can't move or speak being molested as we speak." Then I give up and realize that I am truly blessed. I just wish I could keep that in my head twenty four seven.
I think the reason it does not stay has to do with the human side always wanting to move towards the best and better which is just natural. Another thing that triggers this for me is seeing others pass me by and succeed at everything they do, it can make me regress back to the abuse and as I said this is part of the process.
I am rambling now so I hope you guys can understand it.