Where I am now, and my story...

Where I am now, and my story...
G

Grout

New Registrant
Hello, my name is... well... Grout will do for now I guess. I'm just coming to terms with what I believe happened to me as a younger child, around the age of 10 or 11. My parents (two lovely people who, despite both being psychiatrists, I have never told about this incident) and I were staying at my grandfather's house, on my mother's side. I remember getting up to go to the washroom in the middle of the night, and then someone tickling me, touching me, and then nothing. The next day I awoke, barely really recalling anything, but noticed some blood in a bowel movement. I never told my parents about the strange occurence or the blood, but I think they knew something happened.

I tried to bring up the vacation the other day, and my dad denied the fact that we stayed with his parents, despite the fact that I had found photographs of us there. I decided not to bring this up then. My father also did not attend his father's funeral, which was earlier this year, and could not really provide an adequate explanation.

I'm at a very strange place in my life right now, living on my own but not really doing anything productive beyond some photography and urban exploration. I want to move forward, but I have a strange fear of psychiatrists which I believe I must overcome soon if I'm to ever work past this.

Thanks so much for listening to me, and I'd like to say that this board is a fantastic service, talking about this is cathartic.

Cheers,
Daniel
 
Welcome, your among equals here.

We all have a tale to tell and you are not alone. Read and post when you want to. People will will respond. When i first came here I thought no one would want to know me, listen to me etc etc but I have found some fantastic advice here. (Some new friends too!)
 
Grout, (aka Daniel),
This starts out like an intriguing mystery tale, but I know that as the truth becomes slowly revealed over time (and it almost certainly will, at least in part if not completely) there will be some very uncomfortable moments for you.
Take a deep breath when that happens and keep moving forward. It sounds like you are beginning a healing journey bravely and with maturity.
We all have been "there" (or somewhere close by), so please feel free to share with your brothers here at any time.
Love, etc.,
george of kent
 
Daniel,

As you talk about your fears and apprehensions it may well happen that further memories will come back to you. These things can't be "remembered" in the way we usually remember things, they are triggered in various ways and for various reasons.

One thing to remember is that the truth cannot hurt you, even if what you fear turns out to be true. You will find here a group of guys who will understand and support you no matter how it works out.

Much love,
Larry
 
As one who could not find the words--or sort out the experience--to tell my parents, I found that reading about your experience was very moving. I, too, want to encourage you. I eventually emerged to become very telling because of your fear a psychiatrist, among other things (husband, father, etc.). Stay the course. You have all our support.

Murray
 
Daniel,

To a survivor, this sort of denial is unbelievable!

I tried to bring up the vacation the other day, and my dad denied the fact that we stayed with his parents, despite the fact that I had found photographs of us there. I decided not to bring this up then. My father also did not attend his father's funeral, which was earlier this year, and could not really provide an adequate explanation.
Click to expand...
I dont want to read too much into why they denied that it happened.
There is only one thing I think, and that is, liars have no place in my life.

Lies and denial are pretty much the worst thing you can do, and to say something never happened is real hurt.
I am with you on that one,

ste
 
Daniel,

I'm sorry about your experience. You are in a good place to begin your path to wholeness. Just keep talking as you feel the need. It is, as you so fittingly say, cathartic.

Lots of love,

John
 
Thank you so much for your words of support. I've had somewhat of a bad week, staying up all night, so yesterday at around 3 AM I decided to take my skateboard (which I haven't used in YEARS) out for a run. Although I guess it was a bit masochistic, going as fast as I could and falling quite hard repeatedly, the physical activity felt very therapeutic.
 
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