Where do you go?

Where do you go to find peace?
When you don’t trust God anymore.

Where do you go?
When life is not worth living.

Where do you go?
When you can’t trust your perceptions or feelings.

Where do you go?
When you’re not suppose to be angry, but you are raging inside.

Where do you go?
When you probably have CPTSD and can’t leave unhealthy relationships or establish healthy ones.

Where do you go?
When you can’t even pay people to help you with mental health; because they’re just interested in the money.

Where do you go?
When you wife doesn’t want therapy or couples counseling but keeps going back to the same boyfriend.

Where do you go?
When you hate sex, but do it anyway because you have too.

Where do you go?
When you think you’re the wrong gender.

Where do you go?
When you’re attracted to the wrong sex.

Where do you go?
When you start to think it’s really God that you need to get rid of.
 
Powerful. Heartbreaking. I'm sorry you are experiencing the anguish of even having to ask these questions to and of yourself.

I have similar questions when, through no control of my own, I swing into a unasked for period of depression, where these feelings and doubts and hopelessness manifest themselves. My only solace in these moods is that I know, in my case, it's temporary, and the pendulum will eventually swing back the other way. Doesn't make it any gentler when going through it, though.

I truly hope things start to shift in another (positive) direction for you. Sooner rather than later.

Thank you for sharing your heart.
 
Such powerful and raw emotion. Those are some intense questions and I would be lying if I said I could answer any of them. I know have some similar struggles, but know that you are not alone. I have only been on here for a short time but I have met some really nice men who understand which is something I have never had before. I wrote something this morning called acting, and every line starts with.. I’m tired of acting like….

I can’t share it because it is very dark and I would probably get 5150’d again, which I really don’t want.
Best wishes and feel free to DM if you want to chat
 
i’d say share most of it and censor yourself (that’s what I do). Been 5150’d before, will not go there again.
 

Honeeecombs

Registrant
Wow @Pollux;

Very deep and powerful. So many things I can relate to and thoughts that have been going through my mind throughout the day.

People don't understand sometimes how powerful even just the little things are to us when we are triggered. A picture; a person; or something that relates to our trauma can cause us to stop what we are doing and go into a flashback or emotional episode.

For me - it's all centered around humiliation and objectification. Being belittled or rediculed or made to feel less than is what triggers me. Where do you go?

I suppose that's one of the reasons why I've been coming back and frequenting here. My past has literally come to haunt me in my childhood years and I just had to bring my abuser up to a friend - and it gave me bad memories and flashbacks.

PTSD/CPTSD is like a train ride that just keeps going with twists, turns, valleys and hills. Some days you can stop at a station for a little while; and others it feels like you can get off.

In regards to not believing in God - keep searching. You may find a faith you will connect to. I've had to put the bible down once. But it's only helped build my testimony for my new faith in the Book of Mormon.

But that was deep man. Kudos.

Blessings In Christ,
Honeeecombs
 

DavidM-LT

Moderator
Staff member
Hey there @Pollux, this is some deep deep stuff.

As the others replied, there's definitely a lot that I can relate to myself. The big deep hole. The confusion. Feeling lost. So incredibly lost.
Where do you go? You certainly did a good thing coming here. And that's to be commended!!!

There's a lot that we could talk about, if you like, regarding not trusting God. Hit me up if you like.
But I can promise you that he's there with you if you want him to be. And he can really be an anchor point. My faith has kept me alive. Honest.

God bless!
 
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