Where do I go with this other stuff???!!!

[fhorns]

I'm pissed off right now, really bad. I had a bitch coworker I worked with tonight, and I fantasized that I left work without asking, just left for the door. It churned up old feelings of being a kid with a mother who never never found anything good to say. THIS WASN'T ABOUT SEXUAL ABUSE. This was about resolving old shit with ******** her.

I want to cuss and cuss and holler and scream so bad right now. I just want to vent *****##@@@#%%@#@#$@#$@#$ damn. Not better, but long winded. Good bye.

 

[roadrunner]

fhorns,

Vent away! Sometimes we really need to just let it all come pouring out. It's a way of saying hey, I won't be silenced anymore. I have a right to my voice and damn it, I'm going to use it.

Forget the arguments, logic, whatever. Just pull the plug and let it blow!

Much love,
Larry

 

[Morning Star]

fhorn,
If I am getting you correctly, then you have the same responsive pattern with female cowrkers as your mother, I had that for many years, till I recognises how I was myself surrendering my own power and control over my decisions to them and then feeling controlled. even in relationships I felt that to get love I have to give up controll, that was relationshp with my parents.

Now I have to recognise that and acknowledge that I have grown up, and can behave the way I want to at the moment, by that I mean that I can also mis-behave, that is not behave the way 'they' want me to.

As a child I feared getting beaten when I didnt please them, so I am still pleasing others while frustrating myself on the inside, which explodes out at times, so I have to stop that now and not allow control to come in, right from the beginning of a relationship and maintain the power balance with respect.

By the way, self supression that begins as a child to escape beating or withdrawl of love, is an survival technique learnt as a child, so it also not your fault, part of growing up is also letting your inner child know that you are grown up, once he start feeling safe he would grow up rapidly ..so when I stop self-supression, I experience episodes and relationship of supression less and less.