Where do I go from here? (trigger warning)

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Where do I go from here? (trigger warning)

Today is another day and another night goes by in front of my face. The night so still and my soul is so cold. I sit by the door contemplating if I am known. I wait for a sine for the forgotten, which will never come. I hope for a new life, and not to be found. I find my cave so cold and dark. I wish for windows that will never come. I dont need a door. For I will not use with the intention to bring more fear. I sit in my corner trembling to not be found. For I wish for death than to be locked and bound. I sit upon my stump waiting for my blackened angel for no white will find the pain in side. I wish for the one to light the flame that was washed away so long ago. What did I do to receive the wrath of three times three? Ten times I wait for one to find what sits here now. Ten times the pain floods my heart. Seven more times to hurt before the end. My pockets are so empty, my mind so full, and all is worthless and lost. Where do I go? Where do I fit? This world is round I am a square freak and is looked upon just so. I look to the seas, but they are taken. I look to the land, but it is owned. I look to the stars, but they are named. I look to the space, but it is filled. Where do I fit in this world so miss placed and unwanted? Where can I go to be me? Where can I go to be free? Where can I go that the pain will not fallow? Where do I go from here?
 
Blake,

Where does one's journey take hold? Where does the doorway and the window become one. Doesn't light and dark meet to form the doorway. The world may not see you but I do. I see you for the nice guy you are. I see you for the young man desiring to be a truck driver. The man who can't get enough Root Beer. I see you my friend.


lots of love, Nathan
 
"LEO"
I am always amazed at how well you express yourself in our chats and especially in your posts. You are a poet, a poet that somehow finds the beauty in everything. You are a deep, spiritual soul! I really like that about you! Thanks
Vernon
 
Thank you nathan it means a lot to me that someone can see me. It is so nice that im not alone in this world. And vernon I thank you but I dont think im that good of a writer. I just feel like writing some times and I write the way I feel. I know some people here dont understand what I am writing about because I write in a diffrent way than most ppl do. I use phases that can express how I feel instead of saying it in a more blunt manner. It works for me and I can express more emotions than I can by just saying "Im scared to leave my appartment" So I refer to my appartment as my cave and also my cave is a cave of self. So what I write sometimes has more than just one meaning, but at any rate is just how I feel. If anyone dose not understand something I write just ask and I will be happy to explain. In one of my posts I made a comment that I was asked a lot about that was "I fear to relief" Ok this is very embarrasing and the last time it happened was when I was 18. I got so scared of someone in a serten place I pissed my pants. I know how im going to feel in a lil wile so I better get going so I dont backspase everything I just wrote. Thanks for all the replies guyz! They mean a lot. Thanks!

Blake
--------------------------------
"Who is the more foolish? The
fool who is a fool or the fool
calling the fool a fool."
 
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