Where are you from?
AverageJoe
Registrant
Ontario, Canada here
Where are you from?
- Thread starterpedropedro
- Start date
SilenceNoM0re
Registrant
Romania
Bornfree
Registrant
Me Too! hey, are you my "evil" brother?!! - just kidding, but in reality there is another person with my same name IRL, and same birthdate as me but he has a sexual criminal record. doesn't matter he is 5000kms away from where I live now, but I can no longer easily volunteer because I have to get fully fingerprinted every year should I wish to. At least I'm no longer living in the same city as him, I moved. He cost me money already! such a friggin pain!
Wyoming.
LondonGayGuy
Registrant
London, UK
NJ USA
Experienced my first two CSAs in Ottawa
James South
New Registrant
Western Kentucky
Bornfree
Registrant
Welcome SCIDMARK It makes me sick to my stomach every time I hear of boys being used sexually. When I was a young teen I would fantasize about being used, and then feel so sick and guilty after for even thinking like that. So messed up. I did not even know who I was really, - still don't!. After that doc used me, I wished so much that I had died from that illness I had contracted and it was more than the doc using me. I was 12, in hospital in with a bunch of boys from about 3 to 15, all together about 8 of us in the ward room. Small boys crying themselves to sleep every night, it was horrible, and the crying noised made my head pound all the more. Nurses didn't do anything for me either really, ignoring my clumsiness, my seizures, so I basically stopped complaining. Oh yeah, at one point as the nurse was filling the tub for me to have a tub bath, my right leg just completely gave out, and if the wall was not there beside me, and the fact that the nurse grabbed me really quick, I would have been down on the floor having hit my head on the way down. - Just get me out of there asap! I had no visitors except for my dad a couple of times. I have often thought, that if the doctor had properly diagnosed my sickness, I'd have been able to look beyond his abusing me, but he never even ordered the correct tests, and certainly no blood work tests to be done either, just one chest x-ray. That illness permanently messed me up big big time. Encephalitis!
If that didn't kill me, then, the after effects came even closer to killing me several times over. Physically I had no more stamina, and was now somewhat clumsy academically, a total disaster. I knew something was wrong but had no idea what, I did not know what questions to ask so I could get help. It got to the point that I wanted to off myself so many times, but held off because I felt the timing was not quite right. In looking back, witht the help of therapy, I realize it was very severe depression caused by the illness. I had no idea what hit me. Even to this day, there are times I wish I had offed myself back then in those early days, - my whole life was turned upside down and I was blamed for everything. I haven't really lived this life of mine, just kind of existed.
Unfortunately, sexual abuse of children has been going on since the beginning of our species, and even more unfortunate is that it will continue on till the end of our species! Sounds great doesn't it! I probably complain too much on here, but when ones life has been profoundly changed for the worse by people who can't help themselves, there never will be peace. There comes a point when one accepts that that is your life, and you just have to live it the best way you can. I wish I could go off into the wilderness someplace, build myself a log cabin house just big enough for me and a small fire pit, and live out rest of my days in a place where no one would know where I am, or who I am etc.
I hope you have been having therapy, - no matter which way you slice it, it is not easy to live with. As children we were taught about stranger danger. Really, we should have been taught about Relative dangers, ie, those who abuse their own children, or children that were under their care. True some cases exist where there is a stranger involved, but I think there are far fewer children abused by "strangers" than by people the children know.
Take care, and enjoy your west coast living!, times I wish I were back out west again myself. Have a great weekend
Bornfree
Registrant
I like the above picture very much! I could use it as well, as it portrays in character those who abused me. I'm just glad that I did not abuse any boys, or girls in my adult life, because there is a correlation between abused children, and those children as adults abusing other children. abuse screws around with the programming of the brain so darn much, that we as children don't really learn the truth that happened to us. It feels wrong, but then, is it? We get caught between two opposing thoughts that tear away our lives. I often wonder, what it would feel like to have not been abused as a boy, and to have been given the chance to grow up "normal?" Whatever normal is?!! I'm the only one in my family that has not successfully made it through university or college and I get so darned angry about the life that was stolen from me.
I have not been on this board much over the last year, just bits here and there, I have been struggling with post covid problems making things difficult to comprehend, leaving me tired so much of the time, everything is just one big blur. Again, another night without sleeping properly.
Jeff, have a good weekend