When will you start afresh?

When will you start afresh?
M

Morning Star

Registrant
I often wonder, When will I stop dealing with my past and start focussing on my present, or my future a bit?

When will I stop looking for answers? Or am creating new problems in my doing so, or is it that I dont want to deal with real life anymore, so keep my head buried deep in my abuse story.
Somewhere I too dont want it to get over, I wonder what if its over and I have nothing better to do, no better website to visit, no better place to be, other people to open up to than fellow survivors. Am I using this as an excuse to escape from life that was meant for me?

And then I hear the famous words of the nurse in Girl Interuppted: Girl, Dont drop your anchor here, you know what your problem is, just get it out of system.

And I remember meeting an old lady who was also a survivor once. Seeing me grapple helplessly with my 'issues' she said, Its over! Drop it now, start afresh. Dont you want to?

And I still wonder when?
 
Morning Star,

I often wonder, When will I stop dealing with my past and start focussing on my present, or my future a bit?
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I think the answer to this one is pretty short: We do those things when we are ready.

I think we are so often too anxious to rush ahead and see progress and move on. That's a natural and normal feeling, but the fact is that the problems didn't arise over the short term and won't be resolved in the short term.

I also think we try to get too logical about all this; we expect to reason it all out and when we can't do that and seem stuck we blame ourselves. But what's logical or rational about abusing a frightened child? The damage is so emotional, complicated and pervasive through everything we think and do.

Everything comes in its time, and it has always been this way with dealing with abuse. We disclose only when we are ready; we start therapy only when we are ready. We will move out of our work on the past when it has progressed to the point that we can do that and take on something new and even more challenging. We have to be ready.

I think this is something we somehow just "know", but it's good to get a T's input as well so we don't take off too soon. Other guys are at different points on the path, but there is no competition.

In the interim, MS, I hope you will be kind to yourself. You are not spinning your wheels or wallowing in the past; you are simply dealing with the past, as we all have to do. If you look back at how far you have come I'm sure you will see a lot to be proud of.

Much love,
Larry
 
"You gotta make a Journey Out and In"
~ The Moody Blues

The journey Out takes you to where you understand your place and part of Life. Maybe it leads you to a Higher Power. Maybe it lets you see or imagine your future. Maybe it just lets you see that what will be, will be.

The Journey In takes you back to the past. How did I get here, why do I do this, why do I feel this? Maybe it leads you to an inner child. Maybe it leads to understanding the past. Maybe it just lets you see that what was, was.

But you have to come back from both Journeys. Back to the here and now.

The journeys are important, maybe necessary for Victims and Survivors of trauma, but they are not the end, and not the purpose of Recovery.

You start afresh when you realize that those journeys don't get the laundry done. When you realize that if you're on THOSE journeys too long or too much, you are missing the Journey that is your life.

That's how it was for me. I remember, mourn, and grieve the past. I plan and imagine the future.

But all from here and now.
 
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