When the nightmare comes again (triggers)
How can I say help me? Who will hear? Who will hear my cries? When they're all in bed and I'm alone, who will know? I can't tell them. I can't tell them, "please hold me. Please hold my body so I do not spill out on the ground."
How do you tell them what it's like? How do you tell them how it hurts? How do you tell them that you're all alone...sitting in the dark...all alone with no one but yourself.
Who will come to hold you? No one knows. No one knows you sit there numb upon the floor alone.
Lost. Lost is what you felt. Lost is what you feel. Lost is who you are.
And when it hits, where do you go? What do you do? Do you run to someone crying. Will he hold you? He might if you were five. But, look at you, you're 59. Who wants to hold you now? But you need it...just as much as he did.
Where are you, my brothers, when my body aches and my eyes burn and my mind is numb and speaks only from deep within, random thoughts of agony?
I want to scream...at what? Alone. I talk to you because you will be there. I see your faces watching me. Your faces are kind, but from a distance kind. Why can't I draw you in?
But then what would we do...sit and stare? You don't know me. No one does. No one can. I sit and watch him go through life. He smiles. He laughs. He loves. He cries.....I watch from my place.
I have no feelings, really. I can't remember ever feeling sorrow. I remember fear. Fear I keep with me as a constant companion.
What is it I want? What is it I need? I could go to bed, but then it would go away. I would lose it...the agony...the search...the loneliness and have to begin again tomorrow.
Hear me, world! There is no point to life! Yet life is all I want. Love is all I need. I have no receptors for love. I have covered them all with numbness. I cannot take the feeling in. I cannot take in feelings at all. For with the good would come the bad, and I would feel his hate again. I cannot do that ever...not the hate.
He placed me in my coffin with his hate....and closed the lid, and left me there alone for all eternity.
How do you tell them what it's like? How do you tell them how it hurts? How do you tell them that you're all alone...sitting in the dark...all alone with no one but yourself.
Who will come to hold you? No one knows. No one knows you sit there numb upon the floor alone.
Lost. Lost is what you felt. Lost is what you feel. Lost is who you are.
And when it hits, where do you go? What do you do? Do you run to someone crying. Will he hold you? He might if you were five. But, look at you, you're 59. Who wants to hold you now? But you need it...just as much as he did.
Where are you, my brothers, when my body aches and my eyes burn and my mind is numb and speaks only from deep within, random thoughts of agony?
I want to scream...at what? Alone. I talk to you because you will be there. I see your faces watching me. Your faces are kind, but from a distance kind. Why can't I draw you in?
But then what would we do...sit and stare? You don't know me. No one does. No one can. I sit and watch him go through life. He smiles. He laughs. He loves. He cries.....I watch from my place.
I have no feelings, really. I can't remember ever feeling sorrow. I remember fear. Fear I keep with me as a constant companion.
What is it I want? What is it I need? I could go to bed, but then it would go away. I would lose it...the agony...the search...the loneliness and have to begin again tomorrow.
Hear me, world! There is no point to life! Yet life is all I want. Love is all I need. I have no receptors for love. I have covered them all with numbness. I cannot take the feeling in. I cannot take in feelings at all. For with the good would come the bad, and I would feel his hate again. I cannot do that ever...not the hate.
He placed me in my coffin with his hate....and closed the lid, and left me there alone for all eternity.
